Flirting with Disaster Page #12

- You understand me?

I'm not going to jail!

- Oh, my God.

This has to be a mistake.

Mel wouldn't do this to us.

- How do you know it's Mel?

How do you know who Mel is?

Mel is probably in on this. Mel--

- He's a-- He's a pig!

How do you know it's our son?

It's not our son. It's some

f***ing Federal Agent!

- Goddam it.

- I know it's our son. I can tell.

- Uh, w--

- You think a mother

doesn't know these things?

-Just shut up for a minute and listen.

We're gonna take him in the car,

then we go down to San Miguel

to Stuart's place.

- We can be there by morning.

Grab his foot. This guy is--

- Paul, wake-- No!

No. I am not walking away from a home

that took us 20 years to put together.

- This guy is--

- No!

- The wheel barrow.

- This is insane.

We can't take him hostage.

This is a much bigger crime.

- Well, what'll we do?

What'll-- What'll we do with him?

- Dump-- Dump him in the brush.

- Brush! Good, good.

- Leave him and get outta here.

- Lonnie.

- Yeah.

- Go clean out the lab.

- Right.

Don't break anything!

No, no, no.

Wai-- Wait a minute.

Sh*t! This truck is not going

to make it to Mexico.

- So what are we--

- Oh, sh*t!

Put it in here.

My sciatica is killing me.

Would've been here an hour ago

if you'd listened to me.

It took two hours to find

that there's no place to get

a good sandwich around here.

You can't keep making U-turns

in the middle of a highway, Eddie...

- even if you see what

looks like a sandwich shop.

- Let's get this over with.

Eddie-- Eddie, wait. Don't.

What's the matter?

Come on!

- I can't go in there.

- Why not?

- Look at this house.

- What's the matter with it?

Well, it's so all-American. It's--

- What are you talking about?

- Well, they're probably...

quiet, reasonable,

sensible people...

and Mel loves them,

and, you know, we're neur--

- And he-- We're a source

of embarrassment to him.

- But he's in trouble...

and that's why we came!

- It's possible I overreacted.

- Now you think you overreacted?

- Yeah. We--

- We just got off an aeroplane.

- We drove five and a half

hours in the desert...

- Listen, Eddie...

- and you're telling me

that you overreacted?

- I am not going in there to be

rejected in front of his new parents!

- Yes, you are! Come on. Pearl.

- No, I'm not. Let go of me.

- Come on, Pearl.

- You're hurting my arm.

- You feel that?

- Get in the car before they hear us.

- I thought we were gonna eat here.

I'm starving.

- We'll go back to the taco place.

- Tacos have cheese in them.

- Not all tacos have

cheese in them, Eddie.

- Wait, is this our car?

- Of course it's our car.

- Do you remember this truck?

- What, do you have early Alzheimer's?

It's a white rental car--

- Where's the car?

- It's over here.

What's the matter with you?

- Why did you move it?

- I thought you moved it.

- Why would I move it?

- I don't know, Dad.

- What are we taking that car for?

- I wanna take the blue truck.

- No, no, we can't take the truck.

- The truck can't make an 800-mile trip.

- Oh, no. My blue truck.

I want my blue truck.

- Mom, come o-- come on!

- But my water broke in this truck.

Get in the car.

I love you. Get in the car.

Are you sure

all your doubting is over?

I'm sorry I took you for granted.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

I want to go home tomorrow.

So do I.

I want to get out of here.

- Slow down. There's the taco place.

- Why didn't you tell me you saw it?

I did tell you.

You were driving too fast.

You can't make U-turns

like this, Eddie.

- Relax. We're in the middle of nowhere.

- The, the sign!

The sign, the sign! The--

Aah! The car!

Goddam tourists! Sh*t!

- What did I just tell you

about the U-turns?

- He was in my blind spot.

You could fit the state

of Wisconsin in your blind spot.

-It's their fault. They're in the wrong.

-Doesn't matter. I don't want

some sheriff to come by here.

- Wh-Where's the-- Where's the acid?

- It's in the trunk, Dad. Yeah.

- It's in the trunk?

Look. Look, if things

get tight, I want you to do

that spastic colon thing you do.

-No, no, I'm not gonna do spastic colon.

-Okay, now, do-- something.

That thing you did when the cops

stopped us in Albuquerque, you know?

That, that, what, that ulcer thing.

- Um-- Uh, okay, I-- I'll do reflux.

- All right. That's good. Okay.

- I am so sorry!

- Are you all right?

- Yeah, we're fine.

You can't just make

a blind U-turn like that.

I've got a sizable blind spot,

is my problem.

- Well, I don't see much damage here.

- No, it looks mostly cosmetic.

- Yeah. It's nothing. Why don't we

just forget about it, all right?

- No, no.

Well, I don't know. We shouldn't

leave the scene of an accident. I'll

call the police from the taco place.

Well, you can call the police

if you want to, but, I mean...

I-I'll tell you right now,

this, this is your fault here.

I mean, if we make a report, y-your

insurance rates are gonna go sky-high.

- I mean, it's up to you, but, I mean,

I don't, I don't see the point of it.

- Uh, Pearl, he's making sense.

No! I have never broken the law.

I am not going to be irresponsible now.

- Yeah, there's nothing

irresponsible about this.

- No, absolutely. We're all fine.

There's-- You can see

that we're perfectly okay.

I, uh, I, I just have this

preexisting medical condition.

My ileocecal valve is, uh--

doesn't work as it should.

And it allows c-corrosive juices--

They seem to rise up

into my oesophagus, and I--

I, I, I need to get home

so that I can lie down and--

- We, we really have to go.

- With my head elevated.

- Ileocecal valve?

- It's chronic.

- Nice meeting you.

Why did you let them get away?

We're better off.

Who knows what our liability is?

Y-Yes! What, what exactly is

our deductible damage waiver?

Here-- Oh, my God!

- The car-- it's registered to Mel!

- What?

Look at the-- Check and see

if our luggage is in the trunk.

Huh?

What the hell is this?

Sometimes the light's

all shining on me

Other times, I can barely see

- So then what happened?

- I don't know--

I don't know where anybody is.

- I mean, I assume-- I mean,

look at this place. It's a wreck.

- Well, I see the place.

- I-I guess they probably-- Well, then--

- And I'm looking for him,

and I can't find him.

- So where--

- They probably took him to

the hospital, Tony. I mean, he, he was--

They didn't take him

to the hospital. Look. Paul!

Oh, my God!

- Truckin', I'm a-going home

- You can't catch the wind!

Whoa, whoa, baby

back where I belong

-Jerry? W--

- Mm-hmm.

-Jerry Garcia Jerry?

- Yeah!

I mean, it's in the family.

It's got a whole history to it.

You don't even like

the Grateful Dead.

I never said I don't like them.

I just haven't ever listened to

that much of their music.

Unless you still like Ethan.

This is obviously much more important

to you than it is to me.

Okay? So you pick the name.

But I'll just say one thing.

- What?

- I think Jerry is very pedestrian.

How 'bout Garcia?

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