Flypaper Page #4

-The dog's f***ing bollocks!

Wait, pan left. Pan left.

That's not right.

The vault specs said that the clutch

was 5 centimeters. That's way thicker. Sh*t!

What? How long is it gonna

take to burn through that?

I don't know. An hour or two?

-I mean, do all your jobs run this bad?

-Sh*t.

I mean, do I have to worry

if there's enough petrol in the getaway van?

Look at me, fucko. We're past the time lock.

We don't need you any more.

Are you threatening me, you bald little Jew?

-Hey, hey, hey, hey! Relax!

-Bald little Jews have done more for mankind

than any other kind of person, ever!

So go f*** yourself!

Hey, go check on Peanut Butter and Jelly.

Make sure they're not doing

anything retarded. Go!

-Just go.

-Sh*t.

Relax.

It never ends. Three thousand years

we've been taking this sh*t.

Yeah, I know, man, I know.

I mean, it's not like I'm an accountant

or a comedy writer or something really Jewy.

I'm a f***ing bank robber, for Christ's sake.

You know how many Jewish bank robbers

there are?

-Not many.

-Not very many!

And even in this work environment,

all they see is bagels

and shmear and Goldman Sachs.

Look, we're gonna burn through the clutch,

all right.

It's just gonna take a little bit more time.

I don't know, D.

We always said that we would bail on any job

if the intel sucked.

Already the vault specs are sh*t.

We're behind schedule.

Our number-three guy Lancelot

is a f***ing psycho.

We got two hillbillies in the lobby

playing with weapons-grade

plastic explosives.

Our faces are in the open.

Ten years ago, we would've bailed.

You know I'm right.

Ten years ago we weren't in a recession.

F***ing bubble!

Look, look, listen to me.

I'm about to be 40 in a couple of years.

That's like 80 in criminal years.

Sh*t, I should be out of the game by now.

But f***, man,

I need the money more than ever.

You know, I just got my little girl

some f***ing braces?

-Yeah?

-Yeah, the lnvisalign.

-No.

-Yeah, not that cheap ceramic sh*t, either.

-Nine grand a pop.

-F***!

Yeah, tell me about it.

And they call us criminals.

We should've been dentists.

-We should've been dentists!

-You're absolutely right.

Except, well, technically we'd be

orthodontists. But f*** that. Listen.

Go and take the hostages

on a bathroom break, all right?

I'll start on the clutch.

Look, man, we'll get through this.

All right? We always do.

All right?

Okay, so, we're gonna slide this C-4

into that door crack there

and punch the door out.

-Like opening a beer can.

-Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, you f***ing mugs are

the worst bank robbers I've ever seen.

-Do you know that?

-JELLY:
Yeah?

You Know, you just blew my ear off

like 15 minutes ago, so you'll pardon me

if I just let your little comments

go in one ear and out the other.

(LAUGHING)

What?

You only got one ear, bro.

Hey, it's an expression, dude.

I can't believe you're siding with him.

Listen, we cannot let them divide us, man.

You know they just trying to

lower our ranking.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait.

You muppets are ranked?

You bet your sweet ass.

Yes, sir, we are. Higher than you, probably.

Oh, yeah? Do you wanna bet?

-Bring it on.

-Yeah?

Let's go.

GATES:
Let's see where we're at.

I did not know they posted the rankings

on the Internets here.

Hey, Jelly, you remember that one website?

Yes. We got cyber-whipped.

-You ever been cyber-whipped?

-No, I have never been cyber-whipped.

PEANUT BUTTER:
We got mixed feelings

about the whole experience,

but in a humdrum life,

you gotta take your fantasies

where you can find them, you know?

-See any clues?

-No, I need to get closer.

How are you gonna do that?

I'm working on it.

You doing okay?

Yeah. I'm good. Fine. I'm good.

What are you, like ADD or something?

No.

You don't have to be defensive, Tripp.

We've all got our own stuff.

I'm not squirreling away Xanax for nothing.

Why are you taking Xanax?

Uh, I don't know. Pre-wedding jitters, I guess.

That's because you know

Max is not right for you.

Oh, yes, right, of course.

That must be it. What do you take?

What don't I take?

Street or prescript?

Oh, prescription.

Never trust anything from the street.

What do you take it for?

All right, you don't have to tell me.

Shuts off the TVs.

Hmm. Interesting. Care to elaborate?

How do I explain this?

I've seen hundreds of doctors

and they've given me hundreds of diagnoses.

Without my meds, it's like...

It's like

I'm in front of a lot of TVs,

they're all on different channels.

A normal person can focus on one.

I have to take in all of them at the same time.

Can you turn them off?

No. I wish I could, believe me.

I've tried everything.

(FLUSHING)

Channel surf?

No.

-Drag.

-Yes.

Well, you know what they say.

Normal's just a cycle on the washing machine.

To the crazy person, the normal are insane.

GATES:
Right, this is the FBI's Most Wanted

for banks.

Number one, Vicellous Drum.

Man, he's overrated.

I don't know, bro. Perfect getaway record.

Highest take-per-heist ratio.

And his jobs is planned to a T.

Run like fat people to the buffet.

Yeah, I know, but I mean,

look at that Baltimore job.

Twenty kills?

That seems, you know, excessive.

-Walked away with eight figures.

-Yeah, whatever. All right.

And number two is Mick Nylon and his crew.

And number three is Alexis Black

and she's pretty good for a girl.

And there's Darrien and Weinstein

at number 12.

Now, they've been at it for over 15 years,

so they have a lot more credits than me.

(CLACKING KEYS)

-And there's me, 68...

-Sixty-eight.

...in banks, but I'm 4 in cyber-grift.

Hey! Good for you, there.

Hey, you know what? Now I can go around

and I can say I got my ear shot off

by the fourth-best cyber-grifter in the country.

-Yeah, you could say that.

-Hey, you wanna shoot my pinkie off?

Did you just punch me in the arm?

Did he just punch me in the arm?

Okay, now, where are we ranked?

-Come on.

-All right.

We're number 674?

Well, they probably ain't took into account

that international job we just pulled.

-We hit a Jiffy Lube in Winnipeg.

-No, it's here.

You got picked up in Saginaw

after your car broke down.

Right. The engine gummed up.

What, your engine gummed up

after robbing a f***ing Jiffy Lube store?

You know, it's not that ironic to us.

Oh, God. I broke the chain, man.

They're gonna f***ing kill me.

Jesus God in heaven!

Relax. You can always turn

state's evidence and go to jail.

What? Is that supposed to

make me feel better?

Ah, the joint ain't so bad.

Really, it's not as gay as everyone thinks.

Well, for you it might be.

You're pretty rapeable.

(VOMITS)

Come on, man! Gross!

Hey, a little help in here!

(COUGHING)

They figure out you're the snitch, Mitch?

Let's go. Let's go. Move.

-Come on.

-Okay.

Go. Get out of here.

Gates, will you cover the bathroom break?

I gotta get this guy some Pepto.

Oh, sorry, guys. I shall see you later.

Set 'em up to knock 'em down.

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