Folk Hero & Funny Guy Page #2

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was a non-speaking role.

Okay, it's not standup.

It's very different.

Well, whatever, dude,

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Jason, I need to get

my life in order.

I need to climb out of debt.

I need to find a mattress

that doesn't have

a slow leak in it.

What the f*** else

are you gonna do?

What, are you going

to go back to advertising?

No.

No f***ing way, dude.

What? What? My former boss,

he started this new agency.

He's making six figures.

Has equity in stock backend

options or something,

he said he'd give me an interview

in the next few weeks.

Dude, how many times have

we f***ing talked about this?

A career in music?

A career in comedy?

That, my friend,

is a lifetime commitment.

And you wanna look back

in four years and realize

that you gave up

because a girl dumped you,

and then f***ing money

was tight?

Hey, man, is there any chance

we can swing by my old place?

I'd love to grab my rolling bag.

What? You still

have stuff at Emily's?

A few little things, yeah.

Thank you.

You still have

a lot of stuff here.

Yeah. I'm still getting

settled in my new place, babe,

- sorry. -You know,

it's no big deal,

but, can you not keep

calling me "babe"?

Sorry, force of habit.

Oh, I got a call

from the wedding planner.

The hotel's gonna give us back

50% of our deposit.

Ooh, 50%, how generous of them.

You really thought

we were ready to get married?

- I thought I was, yeah.

- You really think that?

You were out at clubs

every night.

You know, you were gone

on the weekend.

I rarely book weekend gigs.

- Very rarely.

- Okay, just, all right.

Anyway, whatever. I'm sure you'll

be very happy here with...

- Rob?

- Ron.

Ron, the DJ.

Grandmaster Ron, right?

The Yankees fan.

He's not a Yankees fan.

- Okay, he just likes the hat.

- That's even worse.

What about your vintage

Milwaukee brewers jacket?

In Boston, no one gives a sh*t

about the Milwaukee brewers.

They're in different leagues.

It's not a competition.

That's what makes it ironic.

What's his DJ name anyway?

- He doesn't have a DJ name.

- Too cool for a DJ name.

- No.

- He's above that.

- DJ no name. -Look, he is

a nice guy, all right?

He's happy.

He's not tortured.

He doesn't get angry at me

if I order pour over coffee.

That one BARISTA was a prick.

- Okay, look...

- With his little spout.

Okay, look, I want to be

with somebody who doesn't

feel the need to categorize every

known flaw in the material world.

I'm an observational comic,

babe. Emily.

- Okay? It's what I do.

- Is it?

- Yes. -Is it? Because

the comedy clubs

don't seem to appreciate

how funny you are.

They barely pay you.

You know, in advertising,

people knew

how talented you were.

They did.

They gave you awards.

I mean, they still ask about you

down at the agency all the time.

Well, you can tell them

I'm still paying my dues.

Hey man.

How did it go?

Good.

Really good.

Good, that's good.

Good.

What she wanted was stability.

That's what she wanted.

She wanted stability.

She wanted comfort.

She wanted reliability.

She wanted a sturdy foundation

to build a future on.

And I get it. That's what I wanted, too.

I can't blame her for that.

Yeah. Let me ask you

a question.

Where do you think

that comes from?

Certainly doesn't come

from being with somebody

who doesn't believe in you,

and I believe in you.

And you used to believe

in yourself

and that's why we're going

on this tour.

That's why we're gonna go to

Philly, we're gonna go to D.C.,

we're gonna go all the way

down to Georgia, man.

And it's gonna be great.

We're gonna get your mojo back.

- Mojo?

- Yeah!

I'm not looking

to date anyone, Jason.

Who said about dating anybody?

This is the road, okay?

Commitments run light.

Sh*t, get this man a beer.

Get him a beer.

Here we go!

Yeah, beer him up.

Guys! To the tour, right?

- To the tour!

- To the tour!

- To the tour!

- To the tour! Yeah!

Here we go!

We're at the city center.

- Well, we're here.

- All right, chug that.

All right, we're here.

We gotta go.

Oh, where?

We're playing here tonight?

No, no, no. In a few

months we will be though.

Great tour, guys.

Way to go.

- Should I get my bag?

- Yeah, get your bag.

Drive safe, guys.

- Oh. -Oh, is that your

car from college?

Yeah. I fixed it up.

Put a little money into it.

Well, what's it doing here?

You kinda need a car

for a road trip.

- Right? -We're not

going on the bus?

What? No.

- The bus?

- Yeah.

The bus is like

25 grand a week, man.

I'm doing good,

but not that good.

No, man, it's just us,

the road,

and the Swedish pick-up.

Okay, let's hear it,

let's hear your list.

Okay, well, mine is like,

you got six, Paul Simon.

Okay.

- Five, Neil young.

- Okay.

- We got four, cat Stevens.

- Cat Stevens?

- What do you mean cat Stevens?

- Fumble.

- What do you mean, "fumble"?

- Fumble.

- What do you mean?

- That's a fumble.

It's my list. I can have

cat Stevens if I want.

Fumble recovered by the defense.

I respected your list.

Respect my list.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Four, cat Stevens.

Three, tom petty.

- And Bruce obviously is

only second to... -Dylan.

- Bob Dylan. -Okay, and

what about John Lennon?

No room for John Lennon? One of

the greatest artists of all time?

This is a tough one,

but John Lennon,

he's a Beatle, and we're

doing solo artists.

Well, he was a solo artist

for a while.

But, okay, what if the Beatles

were called John Lennon

and the Beatles? Then what?

Well, then, he'd be leaving

what, like the top spot in bands

to be number three

in solo artists?

I don't know

if he'd want to do that.

By the way, Bruce Springsteen

is part of the e street band.

- That's true. -Not to make a

technicality, but, you know?

- That's a problem.

- All right.

Well, with Bruce,

it's Bruce, man.

Okay, so the rules

don't apply to Bruce.

Rules don't apply to Bruce.

My daddy used to take me down

to the old abandoned

Cadillac factory.

Hold on! Why did your

daddy take you down

to the old abandoned

Cadillac factory?

Oh, it's because my dad

liked to be unemployed.

We'd have all day to just throw

the old baseball around.

I used to know this folk singer.

- Who?

- Yeah.

- Yeah. -He was tall,

looked like Tarzan,

but he had a big beard.

Didn't smell so good.

I said,

"I know this funny guy."

And I said "you two should

go on the road together.

Put that funny guy

on the road with you.

Send him to all those

abandoned college bars,

and broken down

little music venues.

This one's called

'folk hero and funny guy.'"

one, two, three, four.

How about outback?

Outback's good?

I don't wanna eat at a chain.

Dude, I'm starving.

Come on.

Believe me, I'm starving, too.

Okay, I'm hungry. I'm just

as hungry as you are,

but we just gotta get off

this f***ing highway.

Okay, this is what

we need right here.

Hi, how's it going?

Two please.

- Drinks on the back.

- Great, thank you so much.

- And you can sit wherever.

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