Folk Hero & Funny Guy Page #3

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- Thank you so much.

I am going to devour every

meat-based item on this menu.

I bet you they got

homemade pie here.

I'm gonna get you guys

some water,

- I'll be right back.

- Wait! One second.

- Wait, actually, I've got a couple

questions about beer. -Yeah, sure. Mm-hmm?

I was looking for an IPA.

Do you guys have any kind

of like non-piney,

or too hoppy...

- Can I get a vodka soda?

- We have cocktails on the back.

- You don't wanna try something fancy?

- No, just like a well vodka.

Do you guys have those flights of beers?

You know what I mean?

Like they have four

different kinds?

No. I know what

you're talking about.

We don't have one

of those. Sorry.

Oh, okay. I'm gonna do

the brimmer lager.

That sounds good.

Yeah. Great. Thank you.

Uh, I have to tell you,

I saw you play

at garden state arts center

last year.

Oh, cool.

That was a good show.

And then I saw you the year

before at beacon theater.

- Cool. -Yeah, I'm also...

can I get a bowl of chili?

And then this goes way back,

but when you opened

for Mumford and sons

at the Poconos raceway,

oh, my god, a real fan.

- Well, no, I just like music, you know?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not just a waitress.

- I blog.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

- That's cool.

Oh, we have an open mic

night tonight.

- You have to play.

- An open mic night.

I know, it's perfect.

No, no, no, it would be epic.

It would be...

Yeah? It would mean

so much to us.

I just don't really do

any open mics anymore.

I know, but it...

This is a cool space,

like the crowd's awesome.

It would mean a lot to us.

It would be really cool.

I'll tell you what,

why don't you get this guy

to get up on stage

and do some stand up

- and then maybe I'll get

up and do a set. -Comedy?

- Yeah.

- Great.

If... you really

wanna do a set?

- Let's do a set. -Sure, yeah,

I'll do a quick set, yeah.

Yeah, I'll go sign

you guys up. Perfect.

Oh, oh, wait, one second.

We're actually really hungry.

I'm gonna get

the Philly Cheesesteak,

the wings, and the curly fries.

I'm gonna stop you there. Our

kitchen's been closed since 9:00.

- What?

- Sorry.

- Really, and there's...

- Did no one tell you?

Who's supposed to tell me

besides you?

We have some chips.

And we have jalapeno,

buffalo blue cheese,

- salt and vinegar.

- Oh, they're homemade?

- No.

- Oh.

Or, oh! There's half

a hamburger in the back,

um, busboy cleared it off

the table, nobody touched it.

It's not gross.

I do it all the time.

I'm just gonna

stick with the chips.

Just a bag of

jalapeno chips, please.

And I'll do the...

I'll do the salt and vinegar.

- Cool.

- Great, thank you.

Tell me you didn't like that.

Come on.

- She's pretty good, huh?

- She's really good.

- Really good.

- Yeah.

She's definitely got her own

thing, that's for sure.

What does that mean exactly?

- What?

- Thing?

She's got her own thing.

You know, like musicians

have a thing.

You know, and some

do and some don't.

- What's her thing? -Well, I'm the

good times of Wilco mixed with

the authenticity of Bob Dylan.

- Rolling stone, 2008.

- Right, yeah.

What's my thing?

- What's your thing?

- Yeah, what's my thing?

You mean your thing now or

like your thing in the future?

You're saying I haven't

fully fulfilled my thing?

I think we're finding

that thing.

That's the reason

that we're on this tour.

All right, Brian. Give it

up for Brian, everybody.

- That was... -it's Bryn, actually,

I'm a woman. Thank you.

I'm sorry. That was really...

It was beautiful though.

Okay, so I noticed some of you

taking photos and videos.

If you guys could please not

upload that to social media

without hashtagging it

"JBD open mic,"

that really helps us out.

Thank you very much.

And yes, up next,

we have a hilarious comedian

who's currently

touring the country,

opening for Jason black,

Paul Scott.

Thank you very much.

Oh!

It's a dildo,

ladies and gentlemen.

That was very sweet of you.

Actually never...

You know what it feels like?

It feels like one of those

stress balls, you know?

I should feel a lot less

stressful just squeezing it.

This is nice.

This is relaxing me.

I'm gonna put

the device down here.

Who's the bride to be here

at this table?

You are?

What's your name?

- Elizabeth.

- Elizabeth?

Congratulations.

Your husband's a very lucky man.

You know what a telltale sign is

that your friends

are getting married

is when they ask

for your mailing address.

'Cause in today's day and age,

there's absolutely no reason

to get someone's physical

mailing address

unless you're getting married.

There's nothing subtle,

there's nothing

discreet about it.

It's like tinder and Facebook.

You know how you have to be

on Facebook to join tinder,

only in all the photos on tinder

are your Facebook photos?

So when all of my guy friends

started incorporating

all these photos of themselves,

all suave and cool,

onto Facebook,

I was like "that motherf***er's

joining tinder.

Just got out of a relationship.

He's lonely.

This guy's

getting his dick wet."

Nothing subtle.

Nothing discreet about it.

You guys do evites here?

Any people do evites?

No?

Hey, for me, evites,

I think it would be

a very convenient and easy way

to invite my friends to a party.

But, in fact, it's a very public

and very humiliating forum

for my friends to tell me

why they won't be joining me.

I have this one friend

who replied,

"sorry, fly-fishing

in Belize."

Who country drops on evite?

That's just so tacky.

Right?

I have this other friend

who said, "no plus one."

So even people I don't know

aren't coming to my party.

You were really

good up there tonight.

Oh, thank you.

- Yeah, really good.

- That's very nice of you.

- Thanks.

- It was a good set.

You're very funny. You reminded me of

like a young Woody Allen, kind of.

- Oh, that's nice of you to say.

- Yeah, funny.

Yeah, it's kind of...

I don't know,

I felt it's kind of weird

to do comedy after music.

It's like the audience is in a

different head space or something.

Yeah, and we don't get that,

we don't get comedy here much.

Oh really, have you

done this a bunch?

- A few times, yeah.

- This open mic?

A few times, yeah.

Yeah, it's fun.

I suppose. Good.

It's a nice crowd.

Yeah. I'm Paul,

by the way.

Hey.

- Bryn.

- Nice to meet you.

- Very nice to meet you.

- Yeah.

So what brings you

out here to Jersey?

- Um, I live here now.

- Oh, wow.

- Yeah.

- Cool.

- Did you grow up here or...?

- No, I grew up in Maryland...

- in Maryland? -Yeah, I've

been here for a few months.

Uh, yeah, I kinda wanted

to live in Manhattan,

near Brooklyn,

but kinda expensive.

- Too expensive?

- Yeah.

I know, it's insane over there.

- Yeah, it's crazy.

- I know, it's nuts.

It's not fair. Unless

you're a banker and then...

- Unless you're a banker

- and they're f***ing sh*t.

- Do you know a lot of bankers?

- No.

How do you know?

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