Folk Hero & Funny Guy Page #6

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and sometimes on weekends.

I don't know, I just never

felt anybody...

Felt the way about her

as I do feel anybody else.

- Becky Bellington?

- Yeah.

- Do you have a photo?

- Yeah, here.

- For years you were hanging out.

- Yeah, yeah.

I mean, look, here.

That one.

That one there.

You and Bryn are already

friends on Facebook?

- Yeah.

- When did that happen?

I don't know, she added me

like yesterday.

Wow, she looks exactly the same.

Mm-hmm.

She's engaged?

Yeah,

that's the not so sweet part.

So where does she live?

She lives in Charleston.

- Charleston?

- Yeah.

- Isn't that one of our last stops?

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, I thought

it could be kind of like

my last hurrah of singledom.

- Your last hurrah.

- Yeah.

So, is this even a real tour?

What? Is this even

a real tour?

Yeah, it's a real tour.

Okay, look.

I booked one gig in Charleston

to see Becky.

And I went on my website

and I looked

and I thought it might be

a little obvious,

like one lone show

in her hometown,

so I booked a few more gigs

along the way.

I thought it would be fun

to drive, you know?

What? Just to like

throw off the scent,

you put on more gigs

to smokescreen it?

No, no, well, at first, yeah,

but then I got excited about it.

You know? Playing smaller

venues to, like, fewer people,

a little more intimate

of an audience.

I thought it'd be cool.

What?

That face.

Okay, remember

when we saw Bruce?

- When he dropped in at

the stone pony? -Yeah.

Okay, and wasn't that the best

f***ing show you ever saw?

- Yeah, it was a good show. -And

was he playing a real show?

Jason, when you play

small intimate venues

where you connect

with the crowd,

that's one thing.

That's hip.

Okay? That's a happening.

People say "I was there."

When I play those same venues,

it's different.

You understand that? It's a

reinforcement of a dead end.

Okay, but if this

were a real tour,

you probably wouldn't

even be here.

There would probably be some

indie, like, skinny Jean hip band

my label would force

down my throat,

- so that I could appeal to gen x.

- We are gen x.

Look, I think your set's

just kind of...

- Clenched.

- What does that mean?

- "Clenched"? -I don't know the

correct comedy term for it,

okay, but it's just,

I don't know,

a little tight-ass?

F***ing throw away

the joke book, man.

Let go.

Okay, and in music

the more real it is,

the more personal it is,

people can relate to that.

Look, I want

all of these people,

I want everybody to know...

I want this guy

hi. Okay? I want him

to know who you are.

To know the Paul Scott

that I know and love.

And if you can bring

that guy on stage

night after night after night,

with that kind of consistency,

f***, the sky's

the limit for you, dude.

I appreciate you saying it.

Can we hug it out?

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Bring it for the real thing.

Yeah.

Did they put me in country?

So is Bryn coming down

with us to Charleston?

Yeah, if she's up for it.

Well, I'm sure she's up for it.

I think you should

tell her though,

'cause, you know, it's kind

of a big deal for her.

Yeah?

I think Bryn's kind of a big

deal for you, hey, buddy?

Fear not tonight, I'm gonna

leave you two alone, all right?

I'm gonna make myself scarce.

I'll crash somewhere else.

No, that's gonna

make it awkward.

It would make everyone

uncomfortable.

Dude, it's not gonna make it awkward.

Okay? It's gonna be fine.

- It's gonna be fine?

- Yeah, all right,

it would be more awkward for me

if I'm watching you

sift through the fog.

- Okay, so this is about you.

- Yeah, yes.

- Now I get it.

- Yes, this is about me.

- Now it makes perfect sense.

- Yeah, I need this for you.

Okay, looks like we've got

a couple rooms available.

413, with a fireplace

and room 420.

Which is a smoking room.

The fireplace room

is fine, thanks.

Hey, hey, Paul. Is it cool if

Bryn crashes with us tonight?

- Yeah, yeah, of course.

- Are you sure?

- Totally.

- Yes, see.

That's really nice.

Shall we get a cot, then?

- Sure.

- Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.

We should get a cot.

So, you need a cot?

Yeah, I guess we need a cot.

Um, you know, I'm gonna go make

a few important phone calls,

and then smoke

a cigarette, and be...

- Thanks, bud.

- Be back in a while.

All right.

You're all set.

Continental breakfast

6:
00 to 8:00 every morning.

Just right up the stairs

is your room.

And there's a snack machine

in case you get the munchies.

- Great.

- Thank you.

Oh, this isn't so bad.

- Yeah, it's not bad at

all, actually. -No.

It's even kind of fancy.

I don't know if I'd go that far.

Um, do you mind

if I use the bathroom?

Yeah, of course.

This isn't Shawshank.

You don't have to ask

for permission.

It was a very weird question.

It was a very weird...

I'm giving you 45 seconds.

Hey, got the cot

you guys wanted.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you know what, actually,

I don't think we need the cot.

- Who is it?

- It's housekeeping.

I'm actually

the assistant manager.

- With the cot?

- Yup!

Yeah, okay, why don't you

come on in?

Yup, just right through here.

I'll just pull this out

real quick.

- How's your day going?

- Good. How about you?

Do you need any help

with anything?

- I'll leave this right there, okay?

- It's okay.

So, yeah, if you guys need

any recommendations here in town

for restaurants, bowling alleys,

weed, just hit zero.

I'm your guy.

- Great.

- Hi.

- That's fantastic.

- Yeah, so. All right.

- Cool.

- All right.

Oh, here.

Forgot the...

Yeah, all I have is a...

All I have is a twenty.

- I don't have any change.

- Right.

- Thing is...

- I don't have any change.

- You don't have any change either?

- No.

You don't have to.

You don't need change.

So, oh, wow,

that is very generous, yeah.

Oh, if you guy want firewood

for the fireplace,

- I can bring that up. -Sure,

yeah, it comes with the room.

Oh, it's $50, but it comes

with champagne.

50 bucks?

I think we're good.

Yeah, I guess we're good.

You'll just keep

each other warm then.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- All right.

- Thank you.

You got it. I'll just put

this on the door outside.

Yeah. This is so much

better than my Van.

Oh, no, you should

take one of the beds.

- I was gonna take the cot.

- Are you kidding?

- Are you sure?

- Stop.

- But thank you, though.

- All right.

- Well, if you reconsider.

- Okay.

- Everything good?

- Do you wanna use the bath...

- Oh, I was gonna take a shower.

- No, I already showered.

- You sure?

- No, I'm sure. I'm sure.

Okay, okay.

- I shower quickly.

- Good. Cool. Enjoy.

A priest could walk in on you,

boning a girl

in the confession booth,

and he'd be like, "whoo!

She's smoking. You're fine."

Three hail Marys

and send me some jpegs.

Now, Maryland, I have some

good news for you tonight.

Led zeppelin couldn't do it,

Fleetwood Mac did not do it,

but tonight, we are gonna do it,

stand up comedy before

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