For a Good Time, Call... Page #3

have a lot of outlets for it.

This is New York City. Most

people need more than one job.

How many jobs do you have?

Well, my top faves

include doing nail art

because I'm good at it and

it lowers my beauty budget.

I also hand out

fliers for Jesse

because I support the arts

and I'm a really good friend.

And I also really like

taking orders at Wo-Hop

because they have the

best Chinese in the city.

Everybody knows that,

and I get it for free.

Switch.

Why aren't you at work?

Did Jesse tell you?

You kind of gave it away

with the greasy hair and the pajamas.

How you gonna pay

your rent, girl?

I have a savings account.

Oh, right, your rich

parents from Long Island

that cut your sandwich up

into cute little four squares

until you went

to prep school.

Whatever.

You're not a writer.

You're some fake nail tech

with a counterfeit diploma you

probably printed at Kinko's.

Oh, Ming Lee!

What did you say to her?

Yeah, I'm your slave.

I love being your slave.

Yeah, put me in your cage!

I wanna go in the cage!

Wait! Wait, it's dark in here! I

don't wanna be in here anymore!

I don't wanna be

in here anymore!

Yeah, your dick looks so big

and it's looking at me!

Let me out! I'm scared!

Kane?

Please, let me out! Please, let me out!

Let me out!

I wanna...

Just cum on my face.

Got to go, bye.

No, no, no...

I'm hungry-

You want the story

or not?

Yeah, sure.

Fine. Whatever.

When I first came to New

York,

I didn't have money,

like I'm sure you did.

And I didn't have

parents that were like,

"Oh, you can be the first pretty

president," or whatever, okay?

My gram let me

move in with her,

but I was pretty

much on my own.

And then she died

and I saw an ad

in the Village Voice

for a phone sex line

and I called it,

and I nailed my interview.

And that's how I'm here.

Why are you so mopey?

Charlie changed his Facebook

status to "single" today.

Sorry. I mean, I don't

really deal with break-ups,

but it's not so bad

being alone.

Take the cookie.

So, how does it work?

Basically, like,

whatever they say,

I just tell them

I wanna lick it.

Like, nipple guy, lick it.

Hairy balls'? Lick 'em all.

Okay. Ew.

You have to know

some dirty words.

Didn't you talk

during sex with Charlie?

I mean, he loved when I

would tell him he was sexy.

Wow.

Whatever.

I meant,

how do you get the calls?

It's easy. I just call and tell 'em when

I'm on and they forward me the calls.

How much are

these guys paying?

I think like $4.99.

I get $1 a minute. It's a decent

enough living for me, though.

Except I'm always going over

my cell phone minutes, but...

Okay.

First, get a land line.

You're wasting your time

for a buck a minute

and this depraved

company you work for

makes four times as much

as you for doing nothing.

Get your own hotline.

Okay, rude.

I've thought of that.

It just sounds

like a ton of work.

It's not a ton of work.

You just call

the phone company,

they'll give you

a new number,

you'll set up

a PayPal account,

tell your repeat callers your

new number and you're done.

You seem to know

how to do this.

Don't even think

about it.

Help me make this

a business

and I'll pay $100 of your rent

until you get another job.

No.

Okay, forever.

I have an interview

tomorrow at Laxton Press.

It is the second best

publishing house in the world,

it is my dream job

and I'm perfect for it.

Really? Okay, well, you go

get your fancy-pants boring job

and I'll just be

here being exciting.

Fine.

It's my 10:
00 regular.

His name's Sean.

You know,

you're not better than me.

You're not better

than phone sex!

I'm better than phone sex.

Just imagine me playing with

your balls while you f*** me.

I wanna lick you

from top to bottom.

I wanna hear you cum.

F***!

Hi.

Hi.

So, not to drop

a bomb on you,

but it's our two-month

anniversary this week.

Yeah, I know. You don't got to tell me.

I got the phone bills.

And don't take that the wrong way.

You know I like you.

Yeah, I figured.

Am I the only one

you're phone banging?

You're the only one,

period.

I don't know, it's just easier on the phone.

I get quiet around people.

I'm shy, too.

No, you're not.

Last week you described a

gang-bang you had in college

while I came

all over my coffee table.

Stop! Do not ever tell me

what I've said to you ever again.

I have another

call coming in

and you need to

save your pennies.

I'll talk to

you later, lover.

Bye.

Hello?

Look, I'm qualified. I'm

more than qualified for this job.

I have wasted the last five years of

my life working for the wrong company.

I'm ready to take my

career to the next level

which is why

I'm here with you.

Okay.

I am the most organized

person you will ever meet.

I am the most hard-working

person you'll ever meet.

Probably

one of the smartest.

Listen, the job

we called you in for

was filled via

nepotism this morning.

Actually, it's not really nepotism.

It's cronyism or...

I don't know what

it's called when you hire

someone's nephew,

but there's no job,

and there won't

be another one for

about three months

for a junior editor.

Three months?

I really need

a job right now.

From the looks of this,

you've had everything

planned out since you

were five-years-old.

Maybe take a summer off

from escorting Dawn's Syndrome

children to the Broadway theater.

We all made fun of you.

Work, you f***ing piece of

f***ing motherfucking sh*t!

Hi.

Hi.

Laxton Press isn't hiring

for another three months.

So, until then, I'm yours.

I wanna make

a third of the profits

and I'm not

getting on the phone.

It's strictly business.

I wouldn't want

you on the phone.

You wouldn't have

any idea what to do.

Can you help me

make a website?

Of course, I could,

but you don't

need a website yet.

You need a phone number and a

phone for your new landline.

Oh, my God,

you got me a gift!

You're welcome.

And it's pink!

Okay.

So I've been thinking

about the concept of my line

and the thing about it

is that it's classic.

It's always in style just

like my pretty pink phone.

These men wanna jerk off to your voice.

They don't need a concept.

What's your number?

Okay, slave driver.

What about

1-900-ASS-TIME?

No?

1-900-U-FINGER?

1-900-ASS-BAGS?

No, no, no.

TEA-BAGS?

Something with "bags"

in it. I don't know.

1-900-VAG-BAGS?

Mmm.

Oh, my God,

this smells so good.

Mmm!

That's not bad.

1-900-VAG-BAGS?

No.

No. 1-900-MMM-HMMM.

Mmm!

Like, 1-900-M-M-M...

H-M-M-M.

Yeah.

Ooh.

I like it.

That's it!

Yes!

I love it!

I love it so much!

Hello, world!

For a good time,

call 1-900-M-M-M-H-M-M-M!

We have a business!

1-900-MMM-HMMM?

Yes, I am. Hold for billing, please.

Billing!

Misty, it's Dan

from Connecticut.

Cheryl, it's Eddie

from East Lansing.

Rachel, it's

Schleheim again.

Guzzling cum?

My favorite! Lauren!

Tootsie!

Champagne!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

D.J.?

Stephanie?

No! No! I said no! No!

Cindy, Aaron with

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