Foreign Exchange Page #6

on the secret to getting laid.

All girls are insecure.

Wait, that's your secret?

That alone isn't the secret.

It's how you use

that vital information.

(Dave)

What do you do if you just,

I don't know,

really like a girl?

Well...

I don't know, Dave.

I mean, that stuff

will get you laid for sure,

but I don't know, bro.

I've never really

liked a girl before,

so I couldn't tell you.

Oh, right, right, right.

So you're telling me

you know all this sh*t

about girls,

but you can't see

dead in front of you?

Come on, dude.

And I can't take

your advice.

I mean,

how am I supposed--

(Hashbrown)

Hey, try this, man.

Just tell her.

Tell her how you feel.

(Jay)

Yeah, that sounds cool.

Try that.

You know what?

I think I might just give that

a shot.

Dave, you p*ssy.

Hey, Russian Dude...

Good morning.

Look, grab the ammo.

Hey, nice English.

Listen, I just spotted

fresh feces

about 60 paces inward.

I got 'em on the run,

buddy.

You're my eyes today,

soldier.

Hey, look!

Eyes.

Let's go.

Hey, come on, let's go!

(Jay)

I wanted to apologize

about the thing

with the museum guy.

I thought he was a jerk,

and I was just trying

to be a good guy.

It's okay, Jay.

I know you're just trying

to help.

But you should give him

a chance.

Give him a chance?

He's going to take me

to the dance next week.

So don't be

a cock mongrel.

[laughing]

[gun fires]

(Shantz)

Whoo-hoo, hoo!

(Emelianenko)

Dasvidanya!

Bird down.

We got a bird down.

Holy sh*t, Russian Dude,

that was awesome.

Hey, how'd you do that?

Bird, morning, yes,

fly, bang-bang.

F***in' a bang-bang!

Whoo!

(man)

You two.

Put the weapon down

and step away

from the carcass.

Hello, Mr. Forest Ranger man.

Can I help you?

License and registration,

please.

What's this, a-hole?

This is your driver's license.

You didn't

run the damn thing over.

I need to see

your hunting license.

Uhh.

We--we don't have one.

I didn't think so.

You boys are in

some very serious trouble.

I want you

to hug that tree.

Embrace the timber.

Gordon--

It's Shantz, man.

It's Shantz.

Shut up.

Gordon Lally.

Where do I know

that name from?

You're not Todd's kid,

are you?

Uh, yeah, that's--

that's my dad.

Well, hell, I didn't recognize

you without diapers on, buddy.

You know, I've got a warm spot

in my heart for you.

You see, my wife and I

used to swing with your parents.

I had my first

man-on-man meat munch

with your father,

although he did

most of the munching,

if you know what I mean.

Wait, huh?

Under the circumstances,

I think I'm gonna

let you boys slide.

You don't know how many times

your dad took the dump truck

for me.

Talk about a wingman.

Good times.

Good times.

Okay, thanks a lot, man.

Oh, and tell your dad

Long Larry says hey.

(Jay)

Hey, Shantz.

Hmm?

How was the hunting

for beaver?

Oh, it was good.

But you know,

I couldn't catch any beaver

as good as your mom's was

last night.

(Jay)

Oh! Boom!

I know what you're saying, dude.

I'd still be pounding

your mama's beaver

if it wasn't for her

catching chlamydia.

Oh! Yeah?

Well, that's why I only

bang your mom in the ass.

(Jay)

Oh!

Burn.

You know, I got

a little nervous though

when you got anal warts from

Russian Dude's mom over there.

Ooh!

Tronovsky's mama

is angel.

Whoa, whoa,

calm down, Russian Dude.

Calm down.

It's cool.

Hey, he didn't mean

anything by it, all right?

That's just how we talk

in America, you know?

My mom left me when I was, like,

two years old,

so who gives a sh*t, right?

It's just meant to be funny.

"Ha, ha, ha," funny?

All right, just look, watch.

Jay,

Your mama's so fat...

Oh, yeah?

How fat is she?

She's so fat, she uses

a submarine as a vibrator.

(all)

Oh!

[laughs]

Ganja, why don't you try one?

Okay.

Your mother is bad at math.

(Jay)

Not quite, Ganja,

but you know what,

you're on the right track.

(Hashbrown)

Gentlemen

and lady, Ganj and I

have a first-class ticket

to Bluntsville.

So if anyone

would like to join us,

we'll be over there.

Your mother eats cow testicles?

[Laurent laughing]

Not bad, Ganja,

not bad.

Well done.

Bonsoir!

(all)

The Frenchman!

Ten bucks says

that Jay's next mama joke

is the one

about the elephant trunks.

The--oh, the--

he loves that one, the...

[imitates elephant trumpet]

Oh!

- Oh, Jesus.

You--

- Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh, yeah, by the way,

is it just me

or is it

completely obvious with--

Oh, obvious.

You know, I think--

I think Jay really likes Anita.

He just doesn't know

how to tell her.

Yeah, and I think

she likes him too.

I think she's just waiting

for him to make a move.

[sighs]

Yeah, well, you know Jay.

He can--

he can be such a--

P*ssy.

P*ssy, exactly.

Uh, listen, Robin,

the reason I brought you

out here actually...

P*ssy?

Uh, no--

no, not about p*ssy.

Uh, just about--

I've been thinking about

a lot of stuff lately and--

Okay, Dave.

Uh, yeah, and--

you know, it's just--

I've been wanting

to tell you something

for a really long time now.

Dave, are you okay?

Yeah, no, I'm fine.

It's just the jeans.

They're new,

and you know.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, no, I'm fine.

Um, actually, do you mind

just waiting right--

just, like, right here?

I'll be right back.

I think I hear Laurent

calling me.

Yeah, I'll be right back.

Laurent, I'm coming, buddy.

Your mom's tits are so saggy,

it's like she is an elephant

with two trunks.

[imitating elephant trumpet]

Oh, yeah, well,

your mom is so ugly,

Laurent wouldn't even bang her

in the face.

Wait, I mean,

don't bring me into this, okay?

[speaking French]

Ahh.

Now, Russian Dude,

tell me, "your mama."

My mama.

What is it, Dave?

My balls.

My balls,

they itch like crazy, okay?

Do you know where

the Gold Bond Powder is at?

I thought you bring this.

Yeah, I did,

but I can't find it,

all right?

Here. Perfect.

Laurent, this--

this is peanut butter.

Oui, oui,

penis butter.

It is an old French remedy,

huh?

Trust me.

It will kill the itch.

So what do I do,

I just put it--

Yeah, you just--

Yeah, you rub on

the balls.

What do you think?

Put on the balls, ya?

Mon freir, okay.

Go, go.

So, Mia Ho, have you made

your move on Dave yet?

I'm kind of trying to play

hard to get with him.

No, Mia, you can't

play hard to get with Dave.

You have to grab that bull

by his horn, eh?

You think so?

Oui, of course.

Look, when he comes out

of there,

you go to that bull,

you grab his horn,

and you tug this horn,

eh?

Oh, thanks, Laurent.

You're a really good friend.

No problem, Mia Ho.

There is a very romantic spot

just this way

overlooking the river.

Oh, awesome.

Yes, very nice.

Hi, Dave.

[laughs]

I will leave you two alone

for a moment.

Hey, let's go

take a walk.

Actually, Laurent and I,

we were just about--oh.

No, thanks, Ganja.

That's the devil's juice.

That alcohol stuff

will mess up your brain, man.

Yeah,

I guess you're right.

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