Foreign Exchange Page #8

We're not France.

My mom'll kill you.

Are you okay, Dave?

You're not still mad about me,

are you, Dave?

I don't want

to talk about it.

Dave, let me go

smooth things over with Robin.

She did not understand

what I was saying

at the dance last night.

I will ride with her

this morning

and explain everything.

Whatever.

See you guys.

(Jay)

See ya.

Do you think Laurent's

banging her?

No, but he's probably f***ing

your mama.

(Jay) Yeah, now you're getting it,

Ganja.

(Shantz)

Dave, I'm telling you,

Mia Ho is the way to go.

I mean, come on, think about it.

You got to forget about Robin.

She's going to Colorado,

and we will be banging

all the women.

Am I right?

Yeah, but Robin is...

[provocative guitar music]

# #

I was wrong, Dave.

I want to be objectified

by you.

Objectify us.

Hi, Dave.

Oh, oh, yeah.

(Laurent)

I tried.

She is very much being a b*tch.

You look like sh*t, Dave.

(Dave) Look, guys, I'm gonna have

my mom take me in a little bit.

I got to--

I'm not ready for that quiz.

So see you at school.

Oh.

Guys--

oh, I'm sorry.

I can't find Robin's box.

[laughter]

I know, Dave,

but listen,

what you got to do

is just take it easy.

No, no, not--

F***ing idiot.

Not, not Robin's box.

Oh, the Robin box.

I thought you meant Robin's box.

(Dave)

No.

The--the--

Can you guys come

help me find it please?

I smell french toast.

(Dave) Maybe I got this all wrong.

Maybe he didn't take it.

(Jay) Are you sure you didn't just

misplace it somewhere?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

I mean, I keep it in my room,

and my searched my room

pretty well this morning.

(Jay)

Maybe your mom took it.

Oh, sh*t.

She was supposed to clean

my room this morning.

I'm sorry, guys.

Why didn't you

think about that before?

It didn't occur to me.

F***.

It's okay.

It's okay, dude.

Just call your mom

and make sure.

And next time, Dave,

think before you freak out.

I will. I'm sorry.

I'm really embarrassed

about this.

I'm sorry.

For a split second there,

I could've sworn--

I could've sworn that--

Oh, dude,

you should probably...

Oh, yeah, sorry.

[gasping]

Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

I took it to Robin's house

this morning to embarrass you.

She was not there.

I left it on the porch.

What? You did what?

Are you f***ing crazy?

She's gonna think

I'm insane.

What the hell's

the matter with you?

Oh, my god,

he's been sabotaging me

this whole time, haven't you?

Oh, my god.

I brought you

all the way from France.

You come,

and you live in my house,

and you--

you make me shave my balls.

And then you made me

put peanut butter on my balls.

And then you stole

my girl's box.

(Jay)

Dude, wait, wait,

you shaved your balls?

Doesn't that itch?

And you put peanut butter

on your balls?

What the hell's the matter

with you?

(Dave)

He told me it would work.

I was jealous, Dave.

Jealous?

Yes.

You have everything here.

I live with your family,

but they're not my family.

I hang out with your friends,

but they're not my friends.

And Robin--

I couldn't help myself.

She's a virgin, Dave.

And I thought she like me.

But she really likes you, Dave.

You're all she talks about,

Dave this and Dave that.

You're the one

she really loves, Dave.

I am sorry, Dave.

But I promise, I will spend

all my time left in America

trying to make things better.

No, you know what, just don't

do a damn thing, Laurent.

You've done enough.

From now on, it's my way.

I'll see you guys later.

Hm, looks like

our little boy's grown up.

Wow.

Yes.

It would seem the little man--

Hey, shut up, Laurent.

Okay.

Robin, why couldn't we have

just taken the final exam

like everyone else?

The frog is just laying there

like he's gonna--

And the smell is just--

Are we done yet?

Yes, we're done.

And it kind of has a smell

like a cherry tree with manure.

It's not that bad.

Dave?

The f*** is this?

[panting]

Listen, Robin,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Robin, I'm sorry about the box,

okay?

I--I--

it's not what you think.

Really, I mean, I told Laurent

never to touch--

never to touch your box, right?

And then, of course, he does.

You know what,

it's not that I'm psycho really,

because I just--

I made it for you

a long time ago,

And I was--every year,

I planned on, you know,

just giving it to you.

And then I just--

I don't know.

I ended up keeping it

for myself.

Dave, Dave,

slow down.

Listen, Robin,

I know--

I know that I've never been good

at telling you how I feel.

That's pretty obvious.

It's just--

Oh, it doesn't matter.

The thing with Mia and me,

it was just--

Do you ever notice

that when you're around,

something bad

always happens?

Look, I'm sorry about that.

Here.

Please don't.

That was great.

Perfect timing.

You could've puked on Jez,

all right?

She likes that, I heard.

I puked.

I'm Jez.

Listen, Robin,

I know you're mad right now,

and I understand, okay, but...

Look, I have to tell you,

I've been listening

to what everybody else

has been telling me,

and you know,

I tried playing it cool.

I even tried playing

a romantic song,

but that backfired.

I shaved my balls.

I shaved my balls for you,

Robin.

And honestly

I just haven't been listening

to what my heart's been saying.

And the truth is

that I love you.

I love you so much

that I can't explain it,

And I want to be with you so bad

that I'm standing in the hallway

right now covered in vomit,

surrounded by a bunch of people,

professing my love to a door,

and it's really not exactly

now I planned on--

[bell rings]

Forget it.

That's very sweet, Dave,

but you can't afford me.

Clean up your vomit.

(man) # far away from now on

looking back is so hard #

# useless and misled #

No, you hang up.

(man) # broken before

you could start #

# forget about what's innocent #

# and laying beneath

all the stars #

# 'cause I see what's in you #

# I believe you will too #

# it's time to go, time to go

your own way #

# it's time to go, time to go

your own way #

# it's time to go, time to go

find your place #

# forward from what's lost #

# moving past where you are #

The blowout

to end all blowouts.

Yes, sir.

Biga tasko.

Man, we got to find a way

to play this damn tape.

(Dave)

Hey, hey.

What's the news, dude?

Tell me.

I say we need a party.

Come on, there's no test

that Shantz can't ace.

(Jay)

All right, guys.

Party starts at 10:00.

You best be drunk by then.

(man) # maybe I just don't

understand you anymore #

# you won't remember

how I feel today #

# I still remember

every one of the good days #

# but I know it seems

like we're losing time #

[feedback squeals]

(man)

What are you doing?

Yes, and I love you too.

Class of 2008.

[cheers]

After four years of classes,

tests, and studying,

I've come to realize

many, many things.

Number one, school is

bullshit!

(man)

Math is gay!

That's right, buddy.

Math is gay.

But you know what's not gay?

Friendship.

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