Forget Paris Page #5

this really wonderful story.

- Oh, was he?

- Hi, craig. How are you, lucy?

- I'm hot.

- Welcome to helen's. What can i get you?

- You got a nice white wine?

- Sure. It's like me, bold but with a hint of whimsy.

Fine.And for the lady?

- Perrier with lime, no ice.

- Excellent choice.

What story?The ellen-Mickey story.

How they met,

Oh!The dead father, her showing up

in north carolina.

- I just can't wait to meet them.

- Them? They're both coming?

What do you mean?

Nothing.

I was just under

the impression they were...yeah.

What?

After that wonderful story?

Well, what happened?

They were so in love.

They were. They were

wild for each other.

She got divorced, they got married right

away and those first few months were...

Are you crazy?No.

You're going to weigh your food

here at the table?Yes!

It's for weight watchers.

I want to look good for their wedding.

How is this bothering you?I ju... i... i can't...

You want me

to tell it? No. No.

As i was saying,

the first few months were fabulous,

Like a constant honeymoon.

She had no job,

basketball season was almost over.

She traveled all over the country with him,

saw every game,

Had a ball.Look how much

a lime weighs.

So now the season ends,

and it's time for the hard part.

The honeymoon's over

and the marriage begins.

Mickey had moved to l.A.

A couple of years after we did.

He and ellen moved into

his place at the marina,

And it's not exactly

her idea of a love nest.Okay.

Open 'em!

No. Wow.

It was sort of

a shrine to watching espn.Welcome home.

It's just a matter of taste. Or a lack of.

Anyway, then october comes.

It's time for mickey to go back on the road.

She's heartbroken. Well, he was

heartbroken too. I mean...

Yeah. Yeah, he was.

They were very much in love. Yeah.

Travel safe.

She had left a job in france;

she had lost all her tenure.

She had to start over again,

and all she could get...

Was this crummy job in customer

relations at burbank airport.

Look at this!

Look what you've done to my clothes!

I can see, but i have another situation

to deal with first, so could you...

Hello? Hello,

is this mrs. Durkin?

I'm calling from the burbank airport,

and i have your three children here.

They did not get on the plane

because we didn't let them.

Why not? The oldest one is seven, and they

showed up at the airport unsupervised.

Lady!Could you just...

this is disgusting!

Get off the phone

and talk to me!

I really don't care if you are trying to surprise

your husband and the b*tch he ran away with.

- Lady!

- Would you just get your crap off my counter now?

She's not happy. Mickey only comes

home about four days a month.

She's in

this strange city all alone,

With a job she hates,

working all hours, weekends, nights.

She was scared. This

is l.A. We're talking about.

She even got one of those dolls.

What do you mean "dolls"?It's called safe-T-Man.

You keep it in the trunk, and when you're

scared, you put it in the seat next to you.

People think it's a guy.

Those are good. My sister had one.

No one ever bothered her.

Yeah, that was the reason.

Hmm! Anyway, now something happens

to ellen you're not gonna believe.

Oh! Oh,

this is fabulous!

I'll tell it.

I tell it better.I'm already telling it.

When i finish this story,

you are gonna call me a liar to my face.

But it's the god's honest truth!

Tell it good.

She's sitting at home

at night.

It was day.

No, the first part of the story.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, night.Right.

So she's sitting at home...

at night.

Feeling miserable, when she

has an unexpected visitor.

The first husband from paris? Close.

A mouse. So she calls

an exterminator.

Glue traps. It ain't like the old

kind that snapped their heads off.

It's just a simple, little gluey piece of

paper. You put a little food in the middle.

The mouse comes along,

looks at the food, goes for the food,

Gets stuck, squirms around

for a while but can't get away.

It's how lucy and i met.It's pretty cool.

The next day, she comes home from shopping,

she hears a commotion in the living room.

Oh, no! Did she get

a mouse in the glue? Eww!Wait. Wait, wait.

Let me tell this part.

Come on. Then you

can tell the rest of it.Okay, okay.

She left

the sliding door open,

And a pigeon flew in,

went after the food...

Oh, no!And got stuck in the glue.

So she calls the vet. And the vet says,

"get it right over."

He's got some chemicals that can dissolve

the glue and save the bird. Shh!

She puts the bird

in a box, gets in the car... and heads for the vet.

The bird's very nervous. Who wouldn't be?

She takes off.

She's driving along; she hits a huge pothole;

The bird flies up into the air

and sticks to her head.

You're a liar! Told ya.

Just get off!

Oh, god!

Help! Help!

Did you see that?

Those are the earrings i wanted.

Mrs. Gordon

for dr. Bilch, please.

Your, your pet's name?

Get me dr. Bilch,

or i'll kill you!

Honey?In here.

Your lover man's home.

Ah, what a trip i had...

Aaah!

Mm-Hmm, mm-Hmm.

Well, i'll tell her.

Yeah.

Thank you, doctor.

Thanks for calling. All right, bye.

That was the vet. It's good news.

The pigeon's gonna make it.

Why are you giving me the

stink eye? What did i do?

You had mice

in the apartment.

Me? I haven't

been here for a month.

I know.

Come on, now.

I didn't do anything.

You just had one of those

i-Had-A-Bird-Glued- To-My-Head days.

One minute you're normal, and

the next you're tippi hedren.

I mean, it would

shake a person up.

When do you

go away again?Day after tomorrow.

For how long?Ten days.

But then i'm home for three.

We'll go someplace.

Great.

Didn't you just

finish one?

I gained eight

pounds, okay?

Okay, sure.

Fine with me.

And as a matter of fact,

i think i'll gain 20 more.

And then maybe i'll just be perfect.

How would that be?

For me, a dream come true.

I can't wait!

Let's go into the kitchen and have

a big stack of buttermilk pancakes.

Come on, what do you say?

Let's get you big!

Bring your new best friends, ben and jerry,

and let's turn your ass into a helipad!

Come on!

Oh.I look terrible.

No, you don't.

You don't.Do. I do.

I'm lonely.Aww.

Oh, mickey, i hate my job.

I hate this apartment.

I didn't come all the way

from france to be alone.

And lately, i've been having

certain feelings...

About safe-T-Man.

Oh, ellen, i love you.

I love you so much.

I wish there was

something i could do,

But it's not like i can

quit my job or anything.

Why not?

What?

Why can't you

quit your job?

I... that's, uh...

That's impossible.

I mean, it's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous?

I quit my job.

Remember? I gave up

everything for you.

Yeah?Yeah.

Why don't you come out on the road

again with me? Now, that was great.

Great?

Every other day

on a different plane?

Dinner in the hotel room at 1:00 a.M. From

room service while you iced down your knees.

Who wants

to live like that?

I do.

I like my job.

Why can't you do it locally?

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