Forgetting Sarah Marshall Page #10

So I'm gonna skedaddle thenbefore anything else happens to me.

Before life gets any more daft.

Is someone gonna take that?

Listen, don't let them grind you down.

Take it easy.

Hey, look at my driver.I'm gonna have sex with her.

He said it was clear I wasn't over you.

And then he left.

F***ing prick.

And then I started thinking,what if he's right?

What if I'm not over you?

- Sarah...- Please just let me finish, Pete.

What if I madea really, really horrible mistake?

- Sarah.- Yeah?

Stop pulling my face towards your face.

Why?

You don't like it?

Listen, pulling my shirt towards youis the same concept as pulling my face.

Let's spend one more night here together,and then let's go home and then...

And we'll just pretendlike it never happened.

...face reality. No.- That's the big plan?

No. I love you.

That's not fair.That's not fair of you to say that to me.

Please, Peter.

- Tell me you're sorry.- I'm so sorry.

I missed you.

I'm sorry.

God, I missed you, Peter.

All right.

Get hard for me, Pete. Get hard for me.

- I know what I'm supposed to do.- Okay.

Just do it. Come on. Get hard.

- I'm trying.- Okay.

- Here. Just let me do it for a second.- Okay.

I really want you, Peter. I missed you.

You don't want help?

- You don't want help? Uh-huh.- Can you be quiet just for a minute?

Do you want my hands?

Maybe just don't talk for a secondis what I mean.

Do you want my mouth?

- Yeah, maybe your mouth.- Yeah. Okay.

What's the problem, Peter?

- I don't know...- More?

You can keep trying if you want.

What's wrong with you?

- Nothing is wrong with me, okay?- Okay.

- No, I didn't...- Just, something doesn't feel right any more.

Okay. Well, did you... You know what?

Did you drink today?Because sometimes when you drink...

Excuse me.

No, I haven't had anything to drink today.

Maybe the problem is thatyou broke my heart into a million pieces,

and so my cock doesn't wantto be around you any more, okay?

Ever!

Because you know what I just realised?Huh?

You're the God damn devil. Okay?

Wedding in Hawaii! Real original!

- Hey.- Hey, Rachel.

- Sarah and Aldous broke up this morning.- What a surprise.

So I went to check on Sarah, and...

Listen, I'm herebecause I don't want to lie to you, okay?

Some stuff happened.

I'm really, really sorry that it did,

but I'm also really glad that it did, because

I'm able to see so clearly nowthat Sarah and I are not right for each other.

What stuff?

I went up to make sure that she was okay,and it got weird.

But now everything is fine.

And I need you to understand

that I meant everything that I saidto you this morning.

What exactly happened, Peter?

We fooled around a little bit.

Shut the f*** up,and tell me exactly what you did.

All right. I went to her room,and she was crying and crying and crying.

And I felt like I should comfort her.

And then she started kissing mebecause I was comforting her.

And then the next thing I knew,I was kissing her

because she had been kissing mebecause of the comforting.

Then she started taking my clothes off,and then her clothes were off.

Then she performed10 to 15 seconds of oral sex on me.

Okay. Peter, you can leave now.

- At the most. Maximum.- Thank you for staying at Turtle Bay.

Rachel, please don't do this.

The only reason I'm telling you thisis because I really care about...

Listen to me, Peter.

I was a mess, too. I understand. Okay?

But it does not excuseyou acting like a complete a**hole.

Listen, I know thatI f***ed things up for a minute,

but I'm not like every other a**hole.

You should not be with anybody right now.

Anybody.

I know...

I know that there is something here.

I know that I was not wrong about that.

And, yes, it's only been four days,but I know you feel it, too.

I need you to leave.

Do not write me. Do not call me.Do not e-mail me.

Peter, I need you to go.

I won't bother you any more.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what to do.

Hey, brother, what you doing, huh?You stealing my art?

I want you to put it back right now.Put it back, bro!

Listen, give me the picture.

Doo-doo paper.You're throwing doo-doo paper?

Give me the picture.

Don't be stupid, brother.Just give me the picture.

You can hit me as many times as you want.I'm not giving you the photo back.

Oh, yeah.

No, no, no.Peter, I told you I did not want to see you.

Aloha, I'm Sarah Marshallfrom Crime Scene: Scene of the Crime.

And when I'm not scrubbing for evidence,

I'm flying Hawaiian Airlinesto my favourite destinations.

Now sit backand enjoy your in-flight entertainment.

I know I will. Mahalo.

Everybody hates you

Everybody wishes that you were dead

Because, Peter, you suck

Peter, you suck

Peter, your music is f***ing terrible

Peter, you suck

Peter, you don't do anything of value

Peter, you suck

Write some music but insteadyou sit and write these bullshit songs

It's so self-loathing

Go see a psychiatristI hate the psychiatrist

Well, go see one anyway

I don't like the psychiatrist

You need to go and see one

See a psychiatrist

I'm not going

It's getting kind of hard to believethings are going to get better

I don't understandwhat there is to think about.

Because, D, he...

She licked the tip. That doesn't count.

- Of course it counts. He...- He what?

He refused a blowjobfrom his ex-girlfriend mid-blowj*b.

Do you know what that's like for a man?It's called blue balls, Rachel.

This guy is like Gandhi, but better.

He likes puppets.

I love puppets.

I love Fraggle Rock. I love Lamb Chop.I love Elmo.

Sesame Street, Bert and Ernie,Snuffelupagus. Fucks my sh*t up.

This is a song thatI never thought I would write

On the night I'm dying

Sorry for all the wrong I've done

I'm finished trying

It was a wonderful dreamNow let him come and slay me

There he is

The demonwho haunted the streets of London

I've come to slay you

Here I am!

I'll leave you bleeding in my dungeon

I'll never obey youI'll rip out your oesophagus

Please, Mr Van HelsingListen to me

He is just a man who wishes to be free

Lay him in a hearseYou must end this curse

He is the worst!

Don't go my love

I can't say goodbye

My reign is done

It's time to die

I'm pregnant

Dracula

VAN HELSING:
What have I done?

Has flown above

Who killed Dracula?

But he found a taste

A taste for love

My life is a lie

Sweet DraculaI miss my young dead prince

I'll never see him again

Until my death

What a wonderful dream

To find a taste for love

A taste for love

Wow. You came.I can't believe that you came.

Peter, this is great.

- It was really funny. Yeah.- Thank you.

You know what?I didn't realise that it was a comedy,

and then someone told me that,and it just, like, opened the whole thing up.

- How long are you in town for?- Open-ended.

- Bold.- Yeah.

Yeah, you know, I'm kind ofchecking out some schools.

- Congratulations.- Yeah, maybe.

You never called.

You told me not to. And I listened.

- Right.- Wasn't easy.

I might have called once and hung up.

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