Forgetting Sarah Marshall Page #2

You're f***ing Billy Baldwin, aren't you?

- Aren't you?- Pete, Pete, Pete.

- Stop staring at me.- Pete!

You know you're not getting paidfor today's session, right?

- I'm aware of that.- F***ing a**hole.

Peter, it's Brian.

Go away.

Listen, your landlord called me.

Said there's smokecoming out of your place.

Who, Mr Lopez? 'Cause he's a liar!

He doesn't...

We worry about you, Petey.

Yeah, come on, Peter. Open up the door.

The fire marshal's gonna come inand bust it down.

You haven't beenout of the house in two weeks.

Why are you so damn strong?

I feel so strong!

Hey, don't walk away from me.You come close.

Your place is disgusting, Peter.

Hey, don't walk away from me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey!

What are you burning, man? Come on.

It's everything.

It's everything that reminds me of herand I need it gone!

Okay, I thought I was fine, Brian,and I'm not. I'm not fine at all.

Okay, let's just put the picture down.

Put that down. Let's discuss this.

- I love her, man.- I know.

Look, Liz and I, we think the world of Sarah.

We think she's great.

Okay, but everything...

I'm just being honest here.

Every time she would come overto our house,

she always acted,

you know, like a little b*tch!

Okay, okay, pump the brakes.

Dating Sarah is not like dating Liz. Okay?

Sarah is better than Liz.

You really wanna have this conversation?

Do you reallywanna have this conversation?

Yes.

- She is the mother of my unborn child.- Sorry.

You're my stepbrother.We're not even blood.

I have no qualms with sticking you.I will equalize you.

- Sorry.- You dick!

I'm just worked up.

You gotta get your sh*t together, man.

I'm trying to. It's so hard here.

Brian, everywhere I look,I'm reminded of her, okay?

Like, she got me this,

okay, because I would always leavemy cereal boxes open,

and the cereal would get stale,

and so one day I came home,and she had this waiting for me,

because it keeps my cereal fresh.And now I have the freshest cereal.

Why don't you,you know what, go on a vacation?

Go to the Alps.

- Alps?- Go to Gstaad. It's the best.

I could go to Hawaii.

Sarah was always talking about this placein Hawaii that was supposed to be nice.

No, don't. I wouldn't go there.

What, I can't go to Hawaii now, becauseSarah Marshall has heard of Hawaii?

Then go to Hawaii. Go to Hawaii.

Do it.

No, no, no, don't destroy the computer.

I'm just deleting these pictures.

Okay, I need them off my computer.

You know what? You're not even doinga proper permanent delete.

Well...

If we end up getting back together,I wanna have a few of them left.

You're crazy.

- No, no, please don't delete them.- They have to go. Done, done.

That was hilarious. Aloha!

I'm Sarah Marshall from Crime Scene:Scene of the crime.

And when I'm not scrubbing for evidence,I'm flying Hawaiian Airlines...

Excuse me! Hi.

... to my favourite destinations. Mahalo.

Hi, can I have another bloody mary, please?

You're still working on that one.

It's just an anticipatory order.

Okay, I'll be right back!

What do you think causedsuch excessive bleeding?

He was either stabbed in the aortaor it was his time of the month.

Aloha!

Check in this way.

- Just married?- Yes, how did you guess?

Oh, you've got that magic newlywed dustall over you.

- Oh, my wife.- Oh, my husband.

- Oh, my wife.- My husband.

My old ball and chain.

You quit squirming and come here.

What is into you?

Not me, yet.

Here is your room key.So you're all set. Room 222.

Room key's inside,and the elevators are to the right.

Mahalo.

Congratulations.

Here you go, sir. Have some POG juice.

Welcome to Turtle Bay.What can I do for you?

I'm checking in.My name's Bretter, Peter Bretter,

but actually, I don't have a reservation.

I just thought I'd take my chances.

Bold!

We are all booked up,but we do have the Kapua suite available.

- Okay. How much is that?- $6,000 a night.

- Wow.- Beautiful views.

I can imagine.That's a little bit out of my price range.

Sorry.

That's a shame. This is a beautiful

hotel.

Oh, yeah, it's Sarah Marshallfrom Crime Scene.

People are excited that she's here.

She's my ex-girlfriend.We broke up three weeks ago.

- I'm sorry, sir.- Right. This is fine, right?

- Sir?- It's totally fine. Okay, there she is.

- Did she see me? Is she coming over here?- Uh-huh. Yup.

I wish I wasn't wearing this f***ing shirt.

Fair enough.Why don't you try to unbutton it?

Button it back up.

- Peter!- Hey.

- Hi.- What are you doing here?

Came here to murder you.

Really, what are you doing here?

I have been having a tough time,you know, back in LA.

But then I came here, and here you are.

I just think that's too crazy to be...

Hello there, you little sex object.

I've lost a shoe.Have you seen it anywhere?

It's like this one, but, you know,obviously it's the opposite one.

Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe.Like this one. It's like this one's fellow.

- Sort of the exact opposite, in fact, of that.Uh-huh.

Not an evil version, but just, you know,

a shoe like this, but for the other foot.Otherwise, I'd have two right...

Aldous, this is Peter.

Hey, all right, Peter.Nice to meet you, mate. Aldous.

- Good to meet you, man.- My ex-boyfriend.

Right. Hey, I'm Aldous Snow.

I know who you are.Yeah, you're very, very famous.

Yeah, I am. I am for my sins.

So are you staying here, as well?

- I'm not, as a matter of fact...- I'm sorry.

Excuse me, Mr Bretter, Ms Marshall,

but we were able to book theKapua suite for you, sir, for four nights.

- You were?- Yes, sir.

- Marvellous.- Perfect. Perfect amount of time.

Listen, if you wanna have dinner with usone of those nights...

- Aldous.... feel very...

No.

That's very gentlemanly of you,but you two enjoy your trip.

I'll be just fine on my own.

- All right, Peter.- The Kapua suite...

- Have a good trip, Pete.- I like your shirt. It's colourful.

- Bye.- Bye now.

Ta-ta. I was wearing two shoesthis morning, right?

Thank you. Thank you for bailing me out.I still can't afford that room.

Nobody can.It's for, like, Oprah or, like, Cline Dion.

Really, it's not a big deal.

So you can stay in the suite,but since you're not technically a guest,

you have to clean up after yourself.

Otherwise, here is your room key

and enjoy your stay.

Why are you doing this for me?

She's here with some guy already?Kind of messed up.

- Right?- Yeah.

- Thank you.- Really, it's not a big deal.

Go enjoy yourself.

Rachel Jansen.A thousand times, thank you,

- you know what I mean...- Go enjoy yourself.

- This is a disaster!Calm down, man.

Are there other hotels on the island?

Of course there are other hotels,

but I'm not leaving here,it'll look like I'm running away.

Wait. Why are you whispering?You're not following them, are you?

I had a girlfriend, right?

And Liam and Noel Gallagherboth had it off with her right in front of me,

so that's similar.

And that was a bit awkward, actually.

So if you do wanna change hotels,I quite understand.

No, no, I'm not changing hotels.

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