Forgetting Sarah Marshall Page #3

Stop followingand just go back to your room, Peter.

- They're gone!- Why are you looking for them?

- I don't know.- You're acting like an idiot.

Run! Get out of there! Go to your room!

- What do you think they're doing?- Peter, go.

Oh, God! Okay, there they are.

- There they are, I see them.- Go back to your room, Peter.

Peter, go back to your room.Go back to your room, Peter.

I'm going in.

Go back to your room, Peter.Are you listening to me?

Peter, go back to your room.Peter, Peter, Peter...

Hey!

Hey, nice room.

Go!

I am in the Kapua suite.

What are you doing? Sucker!

Have fun.

Listen, you piece of sh*t!

You're an idiot. Back to your room, Peter.Peter, back to your room.

Did you enjoy that?

- Did you like what you saw?- That hurt a lot.

But I know Sarah,and I'm pretty sure I just ruined her day.

You knowhow we thought the killer masturbated

before he committed each homicide?

That's the theory.

Take a look at the microscope.

Oh, yeah, looks like where he's going,

he'll need to know how to masturbate.

Oh, God!

- Hello.Hey, Peter?

- Sarah?- No.

It's Rachel Jansen, from the front desk.

- Hey!- Hey, what's going on up there?

I'm getting complaintsabout a woman crying hysterically.

Yeah, you know what, I hear her, too,

and it sounds likeshe's having such a hard time.

I think it's coming from the floor above me.

You're on the top floor.

I'll try to keep it down.

- Are you okay?- Yeah, you have a nice night.

Okay.

I would love to sell you some weed, Jeremy,but I'm at my f***ing job right now.

Obviously, because you called me at work,you know that I'm at my place of work.

So I can't just leave hereand sell you some weed.

I can sell you some weed when I'm done.

Hold on, I gotta call you back.Mahalo, all right.

- Hey, how's it going?- Hey.

I'd just like to grab some dinner, please.

- Okay, great. Is your wife gonna meet you?- No.

Your girlfriend?

No, I don't have a girlfriend.

- You're just by yourself?- Yeah.

Sucks.

Okay, so just one. Here's your wine listand your menu. Come on.

Do you want, like, a magazineor something?

It's gonna be boringif you're just sitting by yourself.

I'll be all right. Thank you.

I just would be so depressed.

- Yeah.- Here you go.

Thank you.

The best thing is,you have the greatest table in the house.

- Oh, yeah?- That's Aldous Snow right there.

I know. I know, dude. I know.

- I'm gonna ask him. I'll ask him politely.- No, please don't, please.

Mate!

Why don't you come over and sit with us?You'll be very welcome.

No, thank you. I need a drink.

Would you guys like a drink?

Well, no, actually, because...

Seven years clean.That's what this tattoo denotes.

Seven years free from drugs and alcohol.

If I have just one sip of wine,

by the end of the evening,I'll be, like, rimming waiters for their tips

just to get me hands on a rock.

You know what I mean? Nasty.

I heard that.- Hey, what's up, man?

How are you enjoyingyour vegetable medley?

It's mundane.

It is mundane. It's great, I know.

Will you marry me?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yes!

- She said yes!- Beautiful.

Congratulations!

I'm so excited! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Peter!

What's up?

- Are you doing okay?- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm good.

Look, did you follow me here?Did my assistant tell you I was coming?

- No.- Did you talk to her?

No, I didn't talk to your assistant.It's not all about you, you know.

Hawaii is a beautiful place.People come here, usually not to follow you.

So you're really staying?You're gonna stay?

Yeah, I think so. I really like it here.I feel at home here.

I just love it.

Yeah, you should stay.

I appreciate your consideration.

Sounds like Aldous probablyshared a lot of needles,

so thank you for dating him after me.

- I appreciate that.- Hmm.

- Hope you have a really good time here.- Have a great dinner.

Thank you.

Groupie whore.

Psycho stalker.

You know what? It's vacation.I think I'll just take a pia colada, please.

Look at this guy.

Look at this guy.

Not us, buddy. Right? Not us.

I'm on Sex and the City.What's up, Miranda?

I'm Samantha. I have sex with everyone.

Maybe it's a good thing that they're here.

You know what I mean?Maybe this is a challenge from God

for me to forget her. You know?

Or maybe it's a sign from Godthat you should be with her.

I love her show.

When they mix the sexualityand the violence, I like it.

What the hell is wrong with you two?You gotta move on.

I hear you say that, but it's not that easy.

It's that easy. Promise you it is.

I lived in South Central.

South Central. And I hated it.

That's why I moved to Oahu.

Now I can name youover 200 different kinds of fish.

- No, you can't.- Oh, yes, I can.

- Do it.- Yeah, you cannot.

G. Ghost pipefish, grill fish, goaler fishgrouper fish, greenback...

What's the state fish of Hawaii?

Humuhumunukunukuapua'a.

- Yeah, b*tch.- Hey.

- You ready?- Yeah, just gonna close up.

Hello, Mr Bretter, Mr Brayden.Where's your wife, sir?

She is in bed.

How are things going with the lady?

Not awesome.She's complicated, like The Da Vinci Code,

you know, but harder to crack.

But life is full of lessons.You learn something new every day.

Wonder what I'm going to learn tomorrow.

Well.

- Good night, sir.- Good night.

Good night, sir.

Off to find the mythical clitoris.

So, Peter, were you able to getthat crying lady out of your room?

'Cause I could send someone up,if you want.

- Oh, you could?- Yeah.

That's very funny. It is.

Well, listen, Sarah Marshall Show sucks.Who cares?

I do the music for that programme.

Did I mention that the music rocks?

That's very sweet of you.That's very sweet of you to say.

You don't have to say that, though.It's not music.

There's no melody, it's just tones.

Just dark, ominous tones.

"The masturbating dog killeris on the loose again.

"He'll kill the owner,but at least the dogs are happy. "

I'm no Aldous Snow, I guess, you know.

Time to start the music

All gonna light the light

Yeah, yeah, gonna get things startedon The Muppet Show tonight

- Whipped cream or berry?- Whipped cream.

Here we are, sir. Have a wonderful breakfast.

What a lovely table, so close to the buffet.

I'm glad you like it. Mahalo.

Good morning, sir.Can I start you with anything?

Orange juice, coffee?

What about, like, some pineapple juicewith a little bit of rum on the side.

Of course. I like your style. Cocktail guy.

- Thank you.- You are welcome.

We've already reservedthe sea kayak for noon.

Honey, I know that,but you know that I wanted to see...

- Hey. Hello there, friend.- Hey.

How are you guys? How was your evening?

- Great.- Awesome.

- I can't feel anything.- All right.

- Does that feel good?- I still can't feel anything.

Okay, 'cause it hurts me.

- Would you do that for me?- Yeah.

- Yeah.- No, no, no. No.

God put our mouths on our headfor a reason. No!

- I'm going to the bathroom.- Okay.

- Is everything okay with...- Waffles.

- Here you go, sir. Breakfast of champions.- Oh, thank you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes