Four Christmases Page #6

about you.

I was thinking about

the entire show.

Frankly,

with you there...

...I brought

the thing home.

-My God.

-I did.

-ls this how it's gonna be?

-What?

-What are you saying?

-I'd like to know...

...you'll be

for me in a crisis.

If we're on a plane,

it's going down.

I passed out,

and say:

"Put on your

oxygen mask."

I'd like to know that you'd

put mine on, before yours.

I wouldn't. FAA wouldn't

want me to do it either.

-I'm not... FAA?

-lf you'd listen...

-What?

-Do you ever listen?

Or are you too busy moving

your BlackBerry?

-I listen to the stewardesses.

-When they say...

...that you're supposed to put

your mask on in an emergency...

...before you try to help

out a child.

-I've heard her.

-lf you pass out...

...you're not helping.

"Put the mask on this one."

Now I'm passed out.

I won't help anybody.

It's not the point.

What is the point? Sorry,

I got this wrong.

What's your point?

We're not connecting.

It's like you're not present.

I have been present.

I've been here all day.

We've been doing things

alongside.

I'd like for us to do

things together.

Kate, you're upset

with your family...

...and you're taking

it out on me.

They've been

my family for years.

This is not about my family,

it's about you and me.

I just...

I just want something.

-Merry Christmas.

-Mom!

-I've missed you!

-Good to see you, Mom!

It's been so long.

-And you must be Kate.

-Yes.

She's a darling.

-Thanks. Nice to meet you.

-It's wonderful.

-Should I call you...

-Just call me Paula.

-Just Paula.

-Okay.

I'm so glad you came.

You've been

taking good care of him.

Hasn't missed

many meals.

-That's great.

-He likes a snack.

-I do like the snack.

-Yes, he does.

Come on in and relax.

I've fixed all of your

favorite dishes, Bradford.

Denver and Susan

are watching TV.

Let's sit here

and catch up for a minute.

-Your house is beautiful.

-Thank you.

This is gorgeous.

Bradford lived

with me after the divorce.

Denver and Dallas were

comfortable with Howard.

But Bradford was

the more sensitive type.

-I was thinking...

-We're best friends.

Just inseparable.

God, he breastfed

until he was five.

Thought l'd

take him to college.

Okay, we had enough...

The only who was

on my tits more...

...was a professor

that I dated.

Could you not say "tits"?

-Hey, kids.

-Okay, this is Darryl.

Hi, nice to meet you.

It is so nice to meet you,

young lady.

And always great

to see you, big guy.

Hey, how was traffic

getting out here?

Can I get your gas money?

I'd like to get your gas money.

Actually, I don't need you

to get my gas money.

Thank you. I make

more than you do.

-So, no thank you.

-Bradford, be nice.

It's okay, sweetie.

Look...

...Brad...

...I'm not trying

to be your father.

You got one of those.

I'm just hoping for chance

to be your friend.

You're my friend, Darryl.

You're my best friend.

We grew up together,

we rode bikes.

Used to smell

each other's hands.

You're sleeping with my mom,

it's weird.

Can you appreciate that?

I never had a sexual thought

about her until I was 30.

Leave it alone.

You can't be my friend anymore.

You can't be sleeping

with my mom...

-...and still be my friend.

-Thirsty.

Kate, what can

I get you to drink?

-I'm good.

-Your mother...

-...is a very sexual being.

-She's a very what?

She's a great lover.

Say that again

and I'll bust your mouth open.

Hey, look it. This is Christmas

and we're not gonna go there.

Kate's been kind enough

to send us some games.

We're gonna play them

and we'll have fun. Okay?

Why are you staring

while eating?

That's uncomfortable.

Don't eat those brownies.

Those are Grandma's

special brownies.

Kate, could you be a lamb

and explain the rules?

Of course. So, you try to

get your team mate...

...to say the word

on the top...

...but can't say any of the

words listed.

And if you say any

of the words...

-...then you get buzzed.

-Okay.

That makes sense?

I'm so excited to have

all here to play this game.

It's gonna be fun.

Hey, it's good to have

my friend back.

So, who wants to go first?

-I'll go.

-Okay.

Brad, why don't you

buzz your mom...

-...and then I'll do the timer.

-Okay.

Thanks.

On your mark, get set, go!

Okay, this is a town in France.

What?

-Can't say "France".

-Don't buzz me.

It's the same

for everybody.

It's okay.

Do the next card.

Okay.

This me, I'm a...

Cradle robber.

-What did he say?

-Keep going.

Don't worry.

You're a therapist. Go.

-No, not Capricorn but...

-Libra.

Yes!

It's fun.

Okay.

This is what you dripped

on me.

Wax!

No, after that.

It's brown.

Make this stop, please.

Chocolate.

No, before that!

After the wax!

-The syrup!

-Yes!

Way sticky,

I wouldn't recommend that.

-Okay.

-Okay, time.

Time.

-Good job. Good job.

-We only got two.

Who wants to go next?

-We'll go.

-Okay, great.

I'll do the buzzer.

Are you gonna eat

while you play that?

-Flip the tube.

-Excuse me?

Flip the tube.

Okay. On your mark,

get set, go!

-Capital of China.

-Hong Kong.

Yes.

Thing next to your bed

on the night stand.

-A sock.

-Yes.

Helped you come up

with this, you're drunk...

...and came home from

the bar last Thursday.

-Alibi.

-Yes.

The thing I'm not

allowed to wear to Supercross.

-Mini skirt.

-Yes!

Me and you dry humping

on the beach.

-A screensaver.

-Yes, baby!

This game is so easy.

The only man I'm allowed

to cheat on you with.

-John Grisham.

-Yes!

-Mexican dude.

-Ricardo Montealban.

-Yes!

-Time.

-Right here. Right here!

-Come on!

Okay, this is like

an attack video.

There's other people

uncomfortable.

Stop. Oh, God.

You guys got a lot.

How many was that?

-Seven.

-Seven.

-Can you do the buzzer?

-Yeah!

We can do this, baby.

You ready?

Yeah.

Let's light a fire.

-Ready? Go!

-Okay.

The thing

I'm most scared of.

-Snakes.

-No, no.

-Thing I'm most scared of.

-Jump-jumps! 4 year-olds.

This scares me to my core.

Come up with something.

Use a lifeline.

Spiders.

I'm scared of spiders.

You don't have to say

the answer.

You can say "eight-legged

animal" or "superhero"...

-Can't say superhero!

-Mom, I'm not the one...

Try again.

In high-school,

my senior year spring break...

...I was in Cancun,

wearing this bikini top...

-Tourists. Skinny.

-No, no, no.

-Thin?

-No, at the bar.

-I was shaking around...

-Dancer.

-My stuff fell out.

-Your what fell out?

My stuff fell out.

Everybody said

when I went to the bar:

"Oh, here comes..."

Peek-a-boo.

Peek-a-boo.

Okay, honey, you can say,

like, "look" or...

-Can't say "look".

-I don't have the card.

I'm giving examples.

I have a thing here.

-See...

-Can't say "see"!

I'm explaining

the game.

Can't say "game"!

Mom, the answer's been said.

She said the answer.

-Let's do the next one.

-Okay.

-Let's... you know?

-I get it.

Okay, this is something

you would eat...

-...you put it on a barbecue.

-Chicken.

-My favorite.

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