Four Lions Page #9

just think about taking out the kuffar.

Youll be in paradise before me, bro!

But theres no kuffar here, bro.

Yeah, but...

Brother Faisal, hes a martyr

and he only blew up a sheep.

I think you might be confused, brother.

Im not.

You look confused.

Sorry. Matt!

- Omar!

- Matt!

Yeah, man, listen.

Have you got a signal on your phone?

Yeah. What are you doing here?

Ill level with you Matt. Im Ml5.

Special undercover job. Im a spook.

What?

So whats going on?

Fathers 4 Justice.

Theyve teamed up with the Real IRA.

Its the nightmare scenario.

- Jesus.

- Yeah. Just give me five.

F***ing 'number unknown ' again.

Is that whammer cop

going straight to hell or what?

- What are you doing?

- Hello?

- Hello, Waj, bro. Its Omar.

- Omar?

Omar?

- Waj.

- Tell me what to do, bro.

I think I might be confused

but Im not sure.

Listen, bro.

You do what I do, right?

You do the same as me, OK?

Yes, brother, Ill do the same as you.

Right, OK.

Im going give myself up, bro.

- Eh?

- Im going to give myself up, bro.

Waj? Waj!

Waj? Waj?

Brother, what am I?

What am I doing, brother?

- Waj! Waj!

- What am I doing, brother?

- Pick up the phone!

- Bro, what am I doing?

All right, mate?

Im sorry, lads.

I dont really know what Im doing.

What was that?

What was that?

Are you all right?

Omar, are you all right?

Now, you stay here.

And you tell them I were smiling.

What?

Smile on my face.

Could be important.

Right... Smile.

- Is there?

- Yeah.

Where are you going?

Omar?

This is RAF Mildenhall,

but its actually Egypt.

When you entered the base,

you left Britain,

and you passed through US jurisdiction

and into this container,

which is internationally recognised

as the sovereign territory of Egypt.

You are now in Egypt.

There are some pretty hellish Egyptians

behind that door there.

They use electrodes. They use drills.

Biro refills.

Do you know what I mean?

I dont know anything about my brother.

We know a lot more

than you think we do.

All right, lets get one thing straight.

Omar Khan had nothing to do with this.

Cos I knew him and I worked with him.

Did you know

he was actually working for Ml5?

Cos he told me that himself.

The report makes crystal clear

that the police shot the right man,

but, as far as I'm aware,

the wrong man exploded.

Is that clear?

Today you felt our exploding sword

in your fat oppressor stomachs, man.

We 're the muslimeen

and we 're making terrible scenes

Now you wanna know

what the boom -boom means?

It's like Tupac said:

"When I die, I aint dead

"Fight and be slain,

die with no pain

Got shaheed in my heed,

for my creed I daheed

We are the martyrs,

you's just smashed tomatoes

- Now we've got...

- Bro? What were that?

For my creed, I daheed

Whats 'daheed ', though?

Died.

- Daheed, died. Daheed.

- Thats bollocks, man.

- Youre rhyming doolally.

- Thats clear, man.

No, no, look. In my opinion...

Look, no, man. In your opinion?

Your opinions sh*t, man.

With all due respect, bro,

you like Maroon 5.

What the fucks that about?

- Come here.

- Whoa, whoa!

- Come here, man.

- Im joking!

When we talk about a so-called

terrorist attack on the London marathon,

we should remember one thing:

most loud bangs are not bombs,

theyre scooters backfiring.

This footage,

taken from an American spy plane.

appears to show two trainee Mujahideens

struggling with a rocket launcher.

firing it at an Arab training camp

and accidentally blowing up

Osama bin Laden.

The western imperialist culture

has left you like materialist junkies,

mainlining iPods and Humvees

and TK Maxx into a spiritual void.

Is Mad Qadeer watching this?

- What?

- Mad Qadeer, cos he owes me 200.

Mad Qadeer, if youre watching, right,

you owe me 200.

And youre gonna pay up.

Cos Im not here right now.

Im somewhere else,

but youre still gonna pay.

Youre going to pay Saf.

Saf, if youre watching, bro,

you go round Mad Qadeers house, right,

and you get him to pay me my 200,

cos hes owed it me a long time.

He owes me money.

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