Four Rooms Page #14

TED:

What?

SIGFRIED:

My name is Sigfried.

TED:

Sigfried?

Sigfried cuts a "Something wrong with that?" look at Ted.

SIGFRIED:

Yah, Sigfried.

TED:

Nice to meet you, Sigfried.

Ted cautiously takes Sigfried's hand.

SIGFRIED:

Very impressive, Ted. "Theo the Thumper?" . . . Ouch. It's

a deal, kid. Ted it will be.

TED:

Thanks.

Sigfried holds onto Ted's hand. The soft sound of distant fireworks pops in

the background. Car horns and a muffled countdown signal that it's New

Year's. Sigfried moves uncomfortably close to Ted and from out of nowhere

bolts forward, planting a wet kiss right on Ted's mouth. Something snaps in

Sigfried. He is either really getting off on this or he is caught in the

grips of a seizure. He doubles back on the floors. Ted and Angela watch as

he flops around like a flounder with the cocked gun waving all over the

place. Ted wipes his mouth with his jacket sleeve while trying to dodge the

barrel of the gun.

TED:

You okay, mister? I'll get help!

Sigfried manages to steady the gun and point it directly at Ted. He signals

for Ted to go to the bathroom.

TED:

(continuing)

That's the wrong door, sir.

Sigfried grabs Ted by the leg and shove the barrel of the gun into his

crotch. Sigfried pulls Ted's face closer to his.

SIGFRIED:

Get me the nitro . . . it's in the bathroom cabinet. Now!

Ted rushes into the bathroom, leaving Sigfried a babbling mess behind.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM--SAME TIME

Ted enters the bathroom, which appears shaken by an earthquake. Towels and

wet clothes are all over the place. An evening gown is flushed halfway down

the toilet and pills are everywhere. Sigfried is shouting from the other

room to hurry. Ted checks the cabinet, searching for a bottle marked

"Nitro." No luck. Ted spots a small window set above the toilet.

He figures this is the best chance he's got to make a break.

Ted goes for it. He manages to get his head and one arm through the window

before he gets stuck. His legs dangle in the bathroom. Struggle as he may,

he can only hit the toilet-bowl lever, which sends a loud FLUSH SOUND out

through the apartment.

SIGFRIED (OS)

(shouting in the distance)

It's no time to take a leak, Teddy, I'm f***ing dying here!

EXT. BATHROOM WINDOW--NIGHT

Outside the window, Ted's in another world. He's almost safe. It's a

strange feeling, kind of like bathing in warm water in paradise, knowing a

huge shark is ready to rip his ass off. He can see the flickering red

glowing light from the witches' room from the floor below.

EXT. BATHROOM WINDOW AND BELOW--NIGHT

Ted sees Eva bopping naked past the window. He shouts her name out, to no

avail. The MUSIC drowns out his voice and they ignore his calls for help.

The blood rushes to his head. He lets himself hang there for a moment. He

wonders how many other people have found themselves in situations like this

before him. Probably everyone. Right next to his face, Ted recognizes a

bloody hand print. It's not his blood.

EXT. BATHROOM WINDOW AND ABOVE--NIGHT

Ted hears a sound from above and twists himself around, spotting a young

man (previously seen as the Yuppie Scumbag on the phone) leaning out of the

window directly above him. After a quick moment of sizing him up, Ted

gathers himself.

TED:

Hi . . .

No answer. Something's wrong with the guy, all the blood is drained from

his face and he is mumbling something.

TED:

Listen, I'm stuck here in a situation that I can't even begin

to explain, but would you be so kind as to get help? Could

you call the police, please?

Silence.

TED:

(continuing)

You okay?

The young man manages to belt out the word "ice" just before hurling a

mouthful of vomit toward Ted. It takes all Ted's strength to dodge the puke

and pull himself back into the bathroom. He falls back on the floor.

He props himself up and checks for damage. He notices something odd . . .

the room is silent. No Sigfried. He walks into the bedroom.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL BEDROOM--MOMENTS LATER

Ted looks around the still room. No one's there.

TED:

Sigfried?

He heads toward the door and, from out of the corner of his eye, he spots

Sigfried's hairy leg. Sigfried has passed out on the floor. Angela's chair

has been knocked on its side. Ted races over to help lift her back up. He

pulls the gag from her mouth. Angela jumps all over him.

ANGELA:

Where's the f***ing nitro?

TED:

I couldn't find it!

ANGELA:

You took long enough. Untie me, for Christ's sake, you

f***ing upset him and he's dying.

Ted struggles to untie Angela.

TED:

I thought you wanted to kill him.

ANGELA:

You'd make a great cop, Theodore.

The knots are all over the place and a real b*tch to untie.

TED:

I can't handle this alone, I'd better get help.

Ted turns on a dime and runs smack into Sigfried, who's been taking in the

whole conversation.

SIGFRIED:

I tie a pretty good knot, don't I, Ted?

TED:

Thank God you're okay . . .

SIGFRIED:

Never felt better.

Angela hears Sigfried's voice from behind her back.

ANGELA:

You bastard!

SIGFRIED:

(to Angela)

Come on, honey, don't get mad. It was just a little test, and

I'm glad I did it because now I'll know forever that you

really do love me. Truly and deeply.

ANGELA:

If the simple fact that I didn't want your bloated, dead body

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes