Four Weddings and a Funeral Page #7

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Fi, you do look lovely today.

Yes, as you can see I've abandoned

my traditional black.

Yes, so you have.

From now on, I shall be all

the colors of the rainbow...

...and fall in love with someone who

fancies me for a change.

Darling Fi.

- Look.

- What?

Lipstick everywhere.

That won't do at all.

Hi. Hi.

Good luck.

Hello. Glad you could come.

How are you?

Groom's on the right. Bride's, left.

Groom on the right.

Bride on the left.

Oh, my God!

I thought you'd gone back to Texas.

Without you, never.

Good luck.

The bride or groom?

Bride or groom?

It should be perfectly obvious

I'm neither.

Great God!

Bride or groom?

Bride.

Yes...

...fine.

I've got a feeling we've met before.

We have. About 25 years ago.

I'm second cousin Harold's daughter,

Deirdre. You're Tom.

Good lord!

- So you're family.

- Yes.

Only very distant.

Well, yes, of course.

You said you were bride?

Yes.

Well, do sit.

Do sit here, Deirdre.

Golly.

Thunderbolt city.

Hello, Matthew.

- Hello, Charles.

- Bernard, how are you?

Exhausted, actually.

- That's funny. Charles.

- Hello, Lyd.

Hi.

Hi.

You look lovely.

But I always did like you

dressed for weddings.

- And on time!

- Yep! Extraordinary thing, isn't it?

How's Hamish?

Oh, he's fine, I believe.

You believe?

Well, yes, he wasn't the man

for me after all.

You left him?

We left each other.

When?

A few months now.

March was hell. By April,

it was sordid.

That's the last time I marry

someone three times my age.

Charlie? Charles, time to travel.

Yeah. Yeah.

Coming. Good.

Good.

So why didn't you

get in touch, then?

I did think about it.

I wanted to, but...

I was in a state.

So anyway, I don't want to keep you.

And I'll see you afterwards.

Yeah. Fine, excellent.

Wait.

I'll show you to your seat.

Just showing her to her seat.

Our timing's been

really bad, hasn't it?

It's been bad, yes.

It's been a disaster.

It has, as you say, been...

...very bad indeed.

God, it's lovely to see you.

Well, good luck.

It's pretty easy.

Just say "I do" whenever anyone

asks you a question.

Could you just give me a sec, Matthew?

Yes, of course. Freshen up at will.

Dear lord, forgive me

for what I'm about to...

...say in this magnificent

place of worship.

Bugger!

Bugger!

Bugger! Bugger! Bugger!

Bugger!

Can I help at all?

Huh? No. Thanks.

Sorry.

Vocal exercises. Big church.

Excellent. Often do the same myself.

Not exactly the same

vocab, obviously.

Rather more hallelujahs.

I'll leave you.

Bride's arriving.

Fabulous! We seem to have

lost the groom.

Stall her, and I'll see

if I can find him.

Roger. Wilco.

Charles.

It's good to see you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Matt, what do we think about marriage?

Gosh.

Well, I think it's really good...

...if you love the person with

all your heart.

Well, exactly.

Quite.

All these weddings. All these years.

All that blasted salmon and champagne.

Here I am on my own wedding day...

...and I'm still thinking.

Can I ask about what?

No.

No, I think best not.

I'm sorry, there's a delay. A

problem with the flowers.

Flowers? What?

Unfortunately, there are a high

proportion of hay fever sufferers...

...who've been stuck right by

the damn flowers.

So we're moving the congregation.

Don't want the vows

obliterated by sneezing.

Would it be out of place for me to say

time's ticking by?

Should've started by now.

I think I've fooled them so far.

If you have a reputation for being

stupid, people are less suspicious.

Hello.

Here you are.

Ready to face the enemy?

Are we?

Yes.

Excellent.

Not so tight, Dad!

Dearly beloved...

...we are gathered together

here in the sight of God...

...and in the face

of this congregation...

...to join together this man

and this woman in holy matrimony...

...which is an honorable estate...

...instituted of God in the time

of man's innocence.

Signifying unto us

the mystical union...

...that is betwixt Christ

and His church...

...and therefore is not

by any to be enterprized...

...nor taken in hand unadvisedly,

lightly, or wantonly...

...but reverently, discreetly,

advisedly...

...soberly, and in the fear of God.

Therefore, if any man can show

any just cause...

...why they may not

lawfully be joined together...

...let him speak now

or else hereafter...

...forever hold his peace.

I'm sorry, does someone have

something to say?

Yes? What is it?

One second.

What's going on?

- He wants me to translate.

- What is he saying?

He says, "I suspect the groom

is having doubts.

I suspect the groom would

like to delay."

"I suspect the groom..."

What's he saying?

He says...

...he suspects the groom...

...loves someone else.

And do you?

Do you love someone else?

Do you, Charles?

I do.

Get out of my way!

Let me kill him!

Blimey.

At least it's one we won't forget.

A lot of weddings just blend

into each other.

Oh, for God's sake.

This one will stick out

in the memory.

For not actually including

a wedding service.

Poor girl.

No, I mean it, poor girl!

She's not my favorite person...

...but what you did today

might be unforgivable.

I can't bear to think about it.

Poor Hen.

Though, let's face facts.

If you weren't sure

you wanted to marry her today...

...of all days, i.e.,

your wedding day...

...then it must be the right

decision, mustn't it?

Quite right, Tom.

It was a lovely dress.

Useful for parties.

What did he say, Charles?

Says he blames himself.

Absolutely not.

No, you mustn't, David.

No, no. If there's

music to be faced...

...I should be facing it.

Hello.

Hi! You're soaking. Come in.

No, no. I'm fine.

Comes a point you can't get wetter.

- Okay, I'll come out.

- No, please don't.

I just wanted to check

you're okay.

Not busy killing yourself

or anything, but...

But you're fine, so...

I shouldn't have come to the church

this morning. I'm sorry.

No! No!

Wait. It was all my fault.

I mean, I'm the bastard here.

And it definitely sorted out one

thing, which is, marriage and me...

...we're very clearly not meant

for one another.

Sorted out another big thing as well.

There I was, standing there

in the church...

...and for the first time in

my whole life I realized I...

...totally and utterly

loved one person.

And it wasn't the person standing

next to me in the veil, it's...

...the person standing

opposite me now...

...in the rain.

Is it still raining?

I hadn't noticed.

The truth of it is...

...I've loved you from

the first second I met you.

You're not suddenly going

away again, are you?

No. I might drown,

but otherwise, no.

Okay, okay. We'll go in.

But first, let me ask you one thing.

Do you think...

...after we've dried off...

...after we've spent

lots more time together...

...you might agree...

...not to marry me?

And do you think...

...not being married to me might

be something you could consider...

...doing for the rest of your life?

Do you?

I do.

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