Frankie and Johnny Page #3

Sure he did. His first day

was her last... I think.

Helen can use all the mourners

she can get.

- Nedda!

- I didn't mean it unkindly,

I'm just glad

we didn't book St Patrick's.

Tino and Luther were here earlier,

Nick got the flowers.

- They're nice.

- I gotta go.

I'm gonna go with you.

Funerals give me the willies.

- You gonna come?

- We just got here.

- It's the thought.

- I don't wanna leave her alone.

Yeah, sure.

Come on, Nedda, we don't need

a brick wall to fall on us.

Shut up, don't be ridiculous.

You're picking up a guy

in a funeral parlour

in front of a freakin' stiff!

In my wildest dreams

I didn't do anything like that.

Blow it out your ass.

Charming.

Sorry, Helen.

Who do I have to f***

to get a waffle?

Forget about the waffle.

Thank you, Tino,

Oscar's a lot better.

Hot plates, look out. Here's another

present for you, Luther.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, shoot.

Tino, give me a moment here.

Thank you.

- I'll clean that later.

- Did you know Helen?

- It looked like you were crying.

- Death is very sad.

But you didn't even know her.

You don't have to know someone to

feel sad for them. It's empathy.

Yeah. Empathy, yeah.

Empathy. The sympathetic vibrations

of two human beings.

- I know what it means.

- No, you don't.

I didn't know either

till I looked it up.

You see, every day when I'm shaving,

I look up a new word.

It's a little piece of turkey,

that's all.

How can you have empathy

with someone you've never met?

I didn't have to meet her. I just

looked at her picture and I knew.

I knew she lived alone,

I knew she had these dreams

that weren't quite enough

to keep her heart beating

so she kept it going by

putting a bottle of Four Roses

under her pillow - nobody knew about.

Vodka.

You should get a crystal ball and a

turban, you'd make a lot more money.

I'm no fortune teller.

I just tell it the way I see it.

She had that look. My mother

had that look her whole life.

Disappointed.

I need a blood sausage

and hash browns.

Nedda! She's just asking me out!

I am not! I am not asking you out.

- I'm sorry I'm interrupting.

- You're slicing the turkey too thin!

That's OK, I'll wait.

Baby, you know

how I feel about you, right?

Don't monopolise the phone.

Thank you, Cora.

Did you come?

Yes. I usually

can hold it longer than that.

- Sorry.

- But it didn't seem like you came.

I came. I did. That was terrific.

Are you sure?

Are you kidding? Of course I did.

Yeah, but usually a guy will moan

and yell or something,

you didn't even clear your throat.

I trained myself to do it quietly.

- Why?

- Let's just say I've been in places

where full-throated orgasm

would be highly inappropriate.

- You mean like a monastery?

- Yeah, sort of.

I'm dizzy.

Maybe the shoes

was too much for you.

It could have been.

- Or position maybe.

- Position! Yes!

I like that position.

Woman astride. Yes.

Why didn't you say something?

I would have done it.

You did it.

That's what this is, astride.

- What, on top?

- Yeah, on top. Like this.

Though my lips were sealed,

my mind and my body

were just shooting off fireworks.

So, it wasn't exactly perfect.

Don't worry about it.

I wasn't exactly 100% - these shoes

are cute but they kill my feet.

Can I stay over?

Why not?

Because if you stay over, the two

of us will lay here all night, awake,

pretending to be asleep but

wondering why we didn't hit it off.

Johnny, you're just lonely.

I'm just lonely.

We don't have to be Romeo and Juliet.

Lonely.

You got a boyfriend, you said.

I got two boyfriends.

I'm looking for one Mr Right.

- I'll see you tomorrow.

- See you at the salt mines.

- Bye.

- Good night.

- It's not the end of the world.

- I know.

I seen the end of the world.

"But look, the morn,

in russet mantle clad

"Walks o'er the dew

of yon high eastward hill."

- The morn?

- What the hell does it mean?

It means the sun is up.

Why doesn't he just say so

instead of this bullshit?

Because he's Shakespeare.

The greatest poet ever.

Are you saying

you don't respect me any more?

- I could care less!

- I don't respect you any more.

I think you're both a pair of tramps.

Look, I did you both a favour,

I tried him out.

Did he really...?

Two minutes tops!

- I hate that!

- And so quiet. Like a mouse.

Marcel Marceau

comes louder than this guy.

Maybe you scared him.

That isn't out of the question.

Well, maybe so

but I don't read poetry.

As I see it, you need two words

to make it in this town -

"f***" and "you".

- Someone didn't get laid last night.

- I get laid every night.

I bet you do.

- No, not the wig!

- No! I knew not to use the wig.

Do you know those gold pumps I got?

The stilettos? I put 'em on,

things are looking good,

but then I...

I know what you two

are talking about.

- You do?

- Of course I do.

What are we talking about?

Say the word.

- Leave her alone.

- Just one time. Just for me.

- Copulate. Say it.

- Cora, leave her alone.

- Once in your life.

- You are so mean!

You can do it! On the count of three.

One, two, three!

I watch Dr Ruth.

Peter, telephone.

Yeah. How much?

What's with you?

Ladies and gentlemen, staff,

I have an announcement.

- Crazy busboy.

- I sold my first script.

Right! They're flying me

first class to sunny LA

to begin shooting Bloods On The Moon!

I'll give you one last day

and I'm off to Hollywood.

Son of a b*tch! Pardon my French.

Nice shot.

OK, serving for the game,

this is it.

I got you now! Go, Joe!

Sh*t! Pardon my French.

- Out!

- There it is, good game. Good game.

- Good one, Joe.

- I gotta go catch criminals.

Why won't you go to

Peter's going-away party with me?

- I don't want to.

- I'll pick you up at seven.

- Sometimes you're really obnoxious.

- I'm not obnoxious.

I'm just eager to go out with you.

That's a big difference.

545 West 54th Street, right?

- How do you know that?

- Come on, it's on your punchcard.

What are you doing looking at

my punchcard? You stay away from it.

What's your apartment number?

- 6A.

- No, I don't believe you.

6B? 3F? Am I close?

- Am I talking to myself over here?

- Just a minute.

What can I do to make you respond

to me? Can I write little notes?

I don't respond to little notes.

- What about if I give you presents?

- You can afford that?

- I'm saying little.

- I don't like presents and things.

I know, I gonna back off

but I gotta tell you something.

- I got a crush on you.

- Burger Deluxe, pick up.

Why do you want to go out with me?

Because the heart does things

for reasons

that reason cannot understand.

Does Nick know about this?

I'm gonna tell Nick.

You got her jealous, you see?

You got her all riled up.

I want to know why

you want to go out with me.

We're gonna go to the party

and walk in alone?

Our whole life

we spend alone at parties.

So we walk in together,

it's not so bad. So bad?

No, it's not. We can do it.

- What? Do what?

- What's the matter?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes