Frasier Page #4

Season #1

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Frasier:
Of course it is! But the point is, I did it! I took you in!

And I've got news for you -I wanted to do it! [on the verge

of tears] Because you're my father. And how do you repay me?

Ever since you've moved in here it's been a snide comment

about this or a smart little put-down about that. [grabs his

coat and goes to the door] Well, I've done my best to make a

home here for you, and once, just once, would it have killed

you to say "thank you?" One lousy "thank you?"

Long pause as Frasier waits expectantly, and Martin looks thoughtful.

Martin:
[to Eddie] Come on, Eddie, it's past your dinner time.

Eddie jumps off the couch and follows Martin into the kitchen.

Frasier:
I'm going out.

He leaves.

FADE TO:

LUPE VELEZ:

Scene Seven -KACL

The corridor outside Frasier's studio. Frasier tears into the hallway

and rushes into the booth. Inside the studio, Roz is in her booth.

Frasier slams the door and drops into his chair.

11 of12

Frasier:
They have got to move the bathroom closer to the studio!

He throws on his headphones just as Roz points to him.

Frasier:
[polite] We'll be right back after these messages.

[off air] Can't I put that on tape?!

Roz enters.

Roz:
What's eating you?

Frasier:
Oh, I'm sorry. It's just this thing with my father and this,

this person he wants to hire. I thought I'd started my life

with a clean slate. I had picture of what it was going to

be like, and then, I don't know...

Roz:
Ever heard of Lupe Velez?

Frasier:
Who?

Roz:
Lupe Velez -the movie star in the '30s. Well, her career

hit the skids, so she decided she'd make one final stab at

immortality. She figured if she couldn't be remembered for

her movies, she'd be remembered for the way she died. And

all Lupe wanted was to be remembered. So, she plans this

lavish suicide -flowers, candles, silk sheets, white satin

gown, full hair and makeup, the works. She takes the

overdose of pills, lays on the bed, and imagines how

beautiful she's going to look on the front page of

tomorrow's newspaper. Unfortunately, the pills don't sit

well with the enchilada combo plate she sadly chose as her

last meal. She stumbles to the bathroom, trips and goes

head-first into the toilet, and that's how they found her.

Frasier:
Is there a reason you're telling me this story?

Roz:
Yes. Even though things may not happen like we planned,

they can work out anyway.

Frasier:
Remind me again how it worked for Lupe, last seen with her

head in the toilet?

Roz:
All she wanted was to be remembered. [beat] Will you ever

forget that story?

[N.B. In fact, the Los Angeles newspapers reported Lupe's suicide

as though she had carried it off as planned; the sordid details were

kept quiet and for a long time existed only as rumor.]

She returns to her booth and cues him. He puts his headphones on;

everything from now onwards is on the air.

Frasier:
We're back. Roz, who's our next caller?

Roz:
We have Martin on line one. He's having a problem with his

son.

Frasier:
[presses a button] Hello, Martin. This is Dr. Frasier Crane;

I'm listening.

Martin:
[v.o.] I'm a first-time caller.

Pause as Frasier realises that the caller is his father.

Frasier:
Welcome to the show. How can I help you?

Martin:
I've just moved in with my son and er, it ain't working.

There's a lot of tension between us.

Frasier:
I can imagine. Why do you think that's so?

Martin:
I guess I didn't see he had a whole new life planned for

himself, and I kinda got in the way.

Frasier:
Well, these things are a two-way street. Perhaps your son

wasn't sensitive enough to see how your life was changing.

Martin:
[suddenly loud] You got that right! I've been telling him

that since I got there!

Frasier:
I'm sure he appreciated your candour.

12 of12

Martin:
Well, maybe sometimes I oughta just learn how to keep my

trap shut.

Frasier:
That's good advice for us all. Anything else?

Martin:
Yeah, I'm worried my son doesn't know that I really

appreciate what he's doing for me.

Frasier:
Why don't you tell him?

Martin:
Well, you know how it is with fathers and sons, it... I have

trouble saying that stuff.

Frasier:
Well, if it helps, I suspect your son already knows how you

feel. Is that all?

Martin:
Yeah, I guess that's it. Thank you, Dr Crane.

Frasier:
My pleasure, Martin.

Martin:
[suddenly loud again] Did you hear what I said? I said

"thank you!"

Frasier:
Yes, I heard.

He presses a button to disconnect Martin.

Roz:
Dr Crane, we have Claire on line four. She's having a

problem getting over a relationship.

Frasier:
[presses a button] Hello, Claire. I'm listening.

Claire:
[distraught] I'm a, well, I'm a mess! Eight months ago my

boyfriend and I broke up, and I just can't get over it. The

pain isn't going away. It's almost like I'm in mourning or

something.

Frasier:
Claire, you are in mourning. But you're not mourning the

loss of your boyfriend. You're mourning the loss of what

you thought your life was going to be. Let it go. Things

don't always work out how you planned; that's not necessarily

bad. Things have a way of working out anyway. [pause]

Have you ever heard of Lupe Velez?

He gives Roz a glance as we FADE OUT.

Credits:

Frasier's apartment. The whole gang is watching the TV. Martin is

in The Armchair; on the couch, Daphne occupies the left seat, Frasier

has the right seat and is trying to read something, and Eddie is in

the middle, staring at Frasier. Suddenly, Eddie places a paw on

Frasier's thigh.

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