Frat Star Page #2

---

- No. Hello.

- Hi.

- Nicholas Cooper.

- Hey.

- Hi. I like your glasses.

- What's your guys' major?

- Art.

- Me, too.

- His is, too!

- Aw!

We'll probably have

a class together maybe.

- No, we're just visiting.

- What is this?

You drink that up, man.

It's America in a bottle.

- You never had fireball before?

- Smells like cinnamon gum.

- Oh, this is so cute

- oh, that's so cute.

- Ah! What is wrong with you?!

- Are you kidding me?!

I'm sorry.

- Jesus Christ, get out! -You know

what, ladies, thank you for coming.

We're gonna clean this up,

and we're gonna be with you

- outside in just one minute. -Good

luck getting into any house,

- you f***ing pussies.

- Such losers!

All right, bye-bye.

Wow. That went well.

I want you to practice

sipping that,

and, uh, you're gonna...

No, it's gonna be fine.

No, that's... that's...

It's... it's not me, okay.

That's, that's obviously

not my thing.

Nick, come on, man, you had one

little bump, we're gonna rebound.

We're gonna go to this party

and everything's

gonna be awesome, okay?

I don't wanna go to a party.

You go.

Have fun.

I'm gonna get some work done.

All right, bro.

But I tried, and I'll be

there if you need me.

And I'm...

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna be okay,

but I'm gonna miss you.

And if you need me,

I'll be at that party.

Here we go!

He's texting me again.

- Let me see.

- Look.

Oh, my god, this kid is so sad.

Ugh, he needs help.

I have an idea.

Wanna help fix this kid?

How?

What're you doing?

Gotta break him down

to build him up.

Let me see.

"Hashtag Nick Cooper is sad."

Ouch.

Do it!

Hi. I applaud

your work ethic,

considering school

hasn't even started yet,

but you're coming

to this Rager, okay?

I was there, and I was trying

to have a really good time,

but all I could think of was you

and it was really f***ing gay,

so let's f***ing go.

Let's f***ing go!

How's it going, guys?

Can I borrow these for a minute?

Thank you.

Hold this.

Whoa!

Man, what's going on?

- What the f*** is that?

- What?

- It's a cup.

- A blue cup.

How dare you bring these

blue liberal bullshit colors

- into this house.

- I'm not a liberal.

I mean, you're

wearing blue, man.

Trump!

Wow, don't worry, man.

It's cool.

Hey guys, I see you

guys, uh, met Benjamin.

Hi, I'm Billy.

Hi, how are you?

I'm Joshua.

- My friend Nick.

- I'm Adam.

- Nice to meet you.

- Glad you guys stopped by.

You have a good time, all right?

All right.

What the hell

was that all about?

That my friend,

that's our future.

That's our future?

Those guys?

- Which girl you want?

- Uh, none.

- That one.

- No.

She's an antelope, you're a lion

- on the planes of Africa.

- Like an anteater, more

- and she... she's...

- Shh shh shh shh... go.

I'll be here.

- You can do it, Nick.

- Okay.

Um, hi.

What's your name?

Hey. The ultimate

Frisbee competition

isn't till tomorrow, f*ggot.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

What the f*** was that?

Ah, hey, hey.

No, it's cool, it's cool.

That was a lay up man,

you gotta dunk that sh*t.

That went about as well

as a Shaq free throw.

Yeah, tell her that.

No. You do it.

- You want me to do it?

- Sure.

Hi, there.

- How's it going?

- Hi.

That went about as well

as a Shaq free throw.

That was a good one.

- It's good, right?

- Yeah.

Segregation kinda made

some sense.

Oil-water situation.

I just think we really need

to focus on, you know,

the reasons why we haven't had

African-Americans here.

Black, you can say black,

they're not here.

All right, Mr. PC.

I'm gonna put this in terms

so that you can understand.

Go to any high school

in this country

and look at how kids choose

to sit at the lunch tables.

People like their own kind.

All right, we're not forcing

anybody into a situation

that they don't already

choose for themselves.

Natural selection.

- In scientific terms.

- But let's not, like,

shove it in someone's face

that we all own s-classes.

I would never,

'cause I drive a g-wagon.

Listen, I don't wear the same

pair of underwear every day,

why am I gonna drive

the same color range rover

- every month?

- That's true.

I just think that we need

to have like, you know,

not like black

celebrity kids but like,

like real black people, ya know?

What do you mean black,

'real black people'?

You know, like... like,

like real, like... like...

Hey Amanda, is your

sorority diverse?

Yeah, I mean we have a lot

of different colored uggs.

- See.

- Just some color,

I just want some color, man,

color scheme,

change it up a little

bit, you know?

- So get in the sun.

- How about a mulatto?

- You wanna go sit down?

- Yeah.

- You happy now?

- Yeah, guess so.

Tell him, not to do

this ever again.

Come on dude,

you know like, like, uh...

Dah, dah, dah!

Hey.

You look like

you're having a blast.

Yeah? Well, what gave that away?

Don't worry, this is not

really for me, either.

I'm... I'm Nick.

I'm Rosanna.

Nice to meet you, Rosanna.

I really like your outfit.

Thanks, we all had to wear them.

I think you wore yours best.

You're sweet.

So, uh, what do you

want to major in?

- Probably music.

- Yeah?

I like art history.

Actually here on

a scholarship for it.

Is it the Watson

fellowship program?

Yeah.

How'd you know that?

My dad is actually

a professor here

in the art history department.

Yeah, I'd love

to meet him sometime.

Rosanna?

Thank god.

The ZB babes

are looking for you.

The real party

is going on inside.

I gotta take you with me.

Hey, Adam.

- Yeah, for sure.

- Right this way.

- I'll see you around.

- Um...

You having a good time,

little buddy?

Welcome to my humble abode.

Is your roommate here?

I don't want your name

to be Melissa tonight.

I want it to be f***ing Megan.

- Megan?

- Yeah.

Get on there.

Okay, Megan, come here.

- Motherfuck...

- Melissa.

- Here I come. Ugh!

- Oh, god, oh!

Holy f***, Megan.

Okay, I got a plan.

I got a plan.

Let me get up here,

let me get up here,

let me get up here.

Let me get up...

Put your finger... put your

finger in my a**hole.

Put your finger in my ass.

Put it in.

Go.

Ah!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Yeah...

It's Melissa.

Just get the hell out

of here, okay?

But you're welcome back

any time!

- Good morning!

- Good morning.

Morning, bro.

That was horrifying, Billy.

That was incredible.

What'd you think of her?

Well, got nothing on

my girlfriend.

Oh, yeah?

Does your girlfriend

have beautiful breasts

- like that?

- I tried not to look,

but my girlfriend

has a beautiful body, yes.

Well, if she's got

a body like that,

then you can get with any

body in this campus.

No comment.

Too bad I still love

my girlfriend. Okay?

What is this girlfriend

you're talking about?

Let's see.

Is this her?

Yeah.

Who's "fuckjerry"?

He's a friend.

Doesn't really look like

her friend.

- What the hell...

- Just... just listen, man.

"When the bf is like

'we need to talk, '

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes