Fred 2: Night of the Living Fred Page #3

You can tell someone's a vampire

because they can't

go in direct sunlight,

they can't see their own reflection,

and aside from crosses,

they don't like silver,

garlic,

and most importantly,

they cannot come into your house

unless you invite them in.

Fred, get the door, it's my date!

So until I figure out what to do with him,

I'll be completely safe from Devlin

in my home

where he'll never be invited!

Hello-ski.

Is everything all right?

Fred, invite Mr. Devlin in!

Please

come

in.

- Hello, Jake.

- Well, don't you look stunning.

- Please, stop.

- No,

you look beautiful,

and I need to let you know...

She asked you to stop!

Well, I thought we could walk

to a great little restaurant I know about.

- Now, that sounds wonderful.

- Mom!

You can't go,

you didn't hire me a babysitter.

Fred, I leave you alone

all the time, like every day.

But tonight.

Tonight, it's going to be dangerous.

Don't wait up.

I'll have you home by 8:30.

Come on, let's not stop the party

before it even gets started.

Put these in something moist.

Bertha!

- Fred...

- Okay, I've got an emergency.

I'll pick you up in two minutes

on the Fred cycle.

Hilda, I must say, that is

a fantastic outfit.

Mr. Devlin, you make a

girl feel young again.

- There they are.

- What's the big deal?

- It's just a date.

- With a vampire!

- That's how you become one.

- A vampire?

I can't keep re-explaining things, Bertha,

I've had a lot on my mind!

Especially since

Kevin's little sister is stalking me.

- Stalking you? Give me a break.

- Yes.

Girls like me, Bertha. I'm hot.

- So, this is one of your main haunts, huh?

- Well, I've actually never been.

- On a teacher's salary...

- Yeah,

you could probably afford

a lot nicer than this, huh?

Actually, I was gonna say,

on a teacher's salary,

I usually just eat toast.

Yes. You probably do.

Duck!

Hey, what's up with the huffing and puffing?

It's hard to pedal with

all this extra weight.

Well, maybe

you shouldn't have brought this!

It's for parking, Bertha. My kickstand broke!

Now, wrap it around the pole, would ya!

What are we gonna do? I mean,

we walk in like this, they'll recognize us.

- I have an idea.

- Okay.

Come on!

Wait here.

There you are!

- You're late.

- What are you talking about?

Put this on and get on the grill.

But I'm too young to have a job.

Yeah? Me, too!

Delmar, your trainee is finally here.

Hey.

How are you doing today?

Fries are done. Come on, let's go.

Merci beaucoup.

Fancy.

You certainly know

how to show a girl a good time.

Well, I looked at a website.

And the perks just keep coming. Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Cheers, madam.

My damn foot's stuck in the door.

What I like to put on my fries

is melted cheese.

One chef to another.

Yeah, you mean cheese fries?

Are you trying to steal my recipe?

Look, kid, I'm a professional, all right?

I don't need to steal your recipe.

You should keep an open mind, sir,

because you might

learn something from me.

I can make "anything" taste good.

Anything, huh?

Anything!

Yeah?

- What about my sock?

- Yeah.

What about that, man?

What about his sock, huh?

You are so on.

Just kidding.

- That's good.

- Refreshing.

I've become something of a water snob,

and that is really dynamite.

Good evening, can I take your order?

Yes, I'm gonna have the...

Oh, my gosh, have I met you before?

Do I know you?

I don't know, I'm here all the time,

just taking extra shifts.

You look just like a girl in my class.

You're probably

mistaking me for my daughter!

That's flattering. No, no, I'm

Danitra.

No, it's just that you look precisely...

I got lots of tables here...

Right, right, okay.

Hildegard?

I'm just gonna have the fish, grilled.

I'm not really much of an eater.

But you are a catch.

I will have the T-bone steak.

Extra, extra rare.

- So, like, super rare.

- Like

bloody.

And hold the garlic fries, please.

You don't like garlic?

Well, I'm on a date

with an attractive, young lady.

You.

I need a fish, grilled,

and a T-bone steak, extra rare.

In fact,

bloody.

- Did he order that?

- He did.

And he also said, "Hold the garlic fries."

- O-M-G, are you serious?

- Yup.

Your sock is dripping.

You've got to get back out there, Bertha.

- What do you want me to do?

- Eavesdrop!

I don't know! I mean,

you might find a clue to his master plan.

Hey, why are you so worried, huh?

- My mom's on a date with a vampire!

- A vampire?

That was scrumptious.

Want to hear the specials?

- Sure.

- My father was in the army...

We don't have any specials.

...so we moved around a lot.

- That must have been really difficult...

- I'll have a grilled ham and cheese...

- Not so loud.

Let me hear about you. It can't be easy...

I'll have the grilled ham and cheese.

It wasn't easy at all,

and sometimes I can't...

I'll have a grilled ham and...

I mean, the kid sucks the life out of you.

I mean, you know.

You're with kids every day...

And a side of fries.

Actually, they make me feel young.

I guess I suck the life

out of those kids, huh?

They need to order.

So, how does it taste?

Like a sock.

But is it good?

For a sock.

Well, what did I tell you?

I can make anything taste good.

Fred! Fred.

They're leaving, we gotta go.

- What did you hear?

- Well, I...

I think he said

he's gonna suck the life out of the kids.

- Are you serious?

- Come on.

- He is a bad tipper.

- I should get some of that.

There's hardly any here.

I'm responsible for cooking my mom's fish.

You deep fried a sock.

While supervising

the grilling of my mom's fish.

Fine! Here.

Thank you.

Now, how are we gonna get home

before they do?

The back way.

I never should have eaten

that brownie la mode.

- I'm trying to keep my girlish figure.

- I admire a woman with a hearty appetite.

You're too kind.

- Come on, almost there.

- You know, I'm not that heavy.

And stop.

All right, I'm gonna park

the Fred cycle here overnight, okay?

Aren't you worried people will talk?

About what?

About your bike

being parked in my driveway.

What would they say?

Never mind.

- Get going, just go, go.

- Okay, bye.

Well, I had a lovely time.

Do you wanna come in

for a cup of coffee, tea, me?

Just kidding.

Well, Hilda,

I have some things to do tonight,

and tomorrow, it's off to work.

Right, of course.

Good night.

Good night, sweet prince.

Freddie,

what are you doing?

I'm just reading about 99 ways

to please your man.

Seems like a lot.

Anyways, how was your date?

It was wonderful.

What a gentleman he is.

He paid for my dinner, Freddie.

I don't deserve him and yet I do.

What are you doing?

Just making sure he didn't leave any marks.

He's a nice man, Freddie.

He's very interested in you.

Me? He asked questions about me?

Yes!

You didn't answer them, did you?

Yes, I lied and said that you were sane!

Good night.

Hey, how was the fish?

Horrible.

I just ordered it to be ladylike.

Wait, how did you know that I ordered fish?

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