Fred 2: Night of the Living Fred Page #5

- But you know what...

- What's a vampire?

Never mind. Anyways,

can I just get some garlic sauce, please?

Yes, garlic sauce to go. Be right back.

There's a weird kid here.

All he eats is garlic sauce.

That would upset his stomach.

- He scares me, he creep me out!

- I'll get the garlic sauce.

No, no. I don't want to

be out here with him.

Say hi to all the people.

He freaks me out. I fear for my life.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Fortune cookie?

- Okay.

- Here's garlic sauce.

- How much will that cost, please?

- On the house.

- Really?

That's really nice of you guys,

you guys are good people.

We very nice people. You tell friends.

But you please go now.

Nice kid.

I told you he's weird.

There you are. What's all this stuff?

It's supplies.

But you're coming to the recital,

aren't you? It's very important to Jake.

It's Jake now?

It's always been Jake. We're adults.

Well, don't you worry, I wouldn't miss

Jake's recital for the world.

You know, you should really call him

Mr. Devlin. It's very disrespectful.

What do you want me to call him?

I'm so confused, Mom!

I just want you to be on

time for the recital.

I'll be right on time.

Why are you talking like that?

Are you pretending you're in a movie

or something?

No.

All right, well, listen, you be a good boy,

and I'll see you at that recital.

Bye.

All right, Mr. Music Teacher,

time to give you a lesson.

Everybody have fun tonight

Back, foul beast!

These people will not be your minions.

Fred? What are you doing?

- What do you have there?

- You'll find out soon enough.

Freddie, come and sit down.

I saved you a seat.

All your friends are here,

let's enjoy the recital.

First of all, I don't have any friends, Mom.

And second of all, that man is pure evil.

Fred, don't be ridiculous.

You're being ridiculous.

- He's being ridiculous.

- Yes, your mother is right, Fred.

- You are being... What was that word again?

- Ridiculous.

Ridiculous. Now, give me the water gun.

First of all, this right

here isn't a water gun.

It's a Master-Blaster, top-of-the-line

in liquid dispersal weaponry.

And second of all, you'll get this

over my dead, hot body!

I'm just worried about your

personal safety, Fred.

You could get hurt.

Jake, I am so sorry. He hasn't been himself

since the day he was born.

Step away, Mom.

- Please.

- You're being ridiculous!

Am I?

Well, this might change your mind.

Oh, my gosh! I look like crap.

Hey, where's your... Where is...

Everybody, stay where you are.

The recital is about to begin

now.

Garlic sauce!

Kevin!

Give me the water gun, Fred.

It's a Master-Blaster.

Fine, give me the Master-Blaster

or Talia joins the undead.

It's over, Fred.

You've lost.

Now, kick the water gun over to me.

It's a Master-Blaster!

Fine, Master-Blaster.

What is the difference?

The difference is, Devlin,

that this is a water gun.

Gammit.

Attaboy, Freddie-boy!

Fred, you saved me!

- I did.

- My son. That's my only son.

Sorry.

Excellent job, Rebecca. Fantastic.

Up next, we have Gulliver Mittens.

Back, foul beast!

These people will not be your minions!

Okay.

Figglehorn, will you get out of here, bro?

No can do, Kevin.

Okay, come on, Freddie, sit down.

I saved you a seat here.

Calm down, everyone,

I'll keep you safe. I'm here to protect you.

This garlic sauce will protect you.

I am your savior.

I'm here to save you guys.

It burns!

Did you hear that? He said it burns!

He's already a vampire!

Don't worry, Talia. I'm here to protect you.

Fred! Fred, stop it!

Please, Hilda, do something!

I hope it's not too late, Mom.

- Fred, stop it, stop it! I'm sorry,

everybody. - I hope it's not too late.

- Jake, I'm so sorry.

- Mom, he's a vampire!

He is not a vampire, and you are going home

and I'm taking a bath.

So sorry. Sorry.

I smell like a used napkin

in a pizza parlor.

I actually got it at the Chinese place.

Actually, I don't care where you got it.

What the heck was that all about?

- He's a vampire.

- He is not a vampire.

Says the hypnotized woman.

Thank you.

They'll see.

Hey, Talia.

Nice talking to you.

She's scared. Yeah.

Why would she be scared, Bertha?

I don't know, maybe 'cause a crazy person

sprayed garlic in her face yesterday.

Oh, my gammit, who did that?

Watch out, Figglehorn!

It's a flying vampire bat!

Better protect yourself with garlic!

- Get away!

- Everyone, stop!

Diesel, put that away.

- It's just water.

- It's still bad.

- All of you, get to class.

- Yeah, you heard him.

Now, Kevin. Fred, wait a minute.

You obviously have the wrong impression

of me.

So, you're not a vampire?

Everyone knows

there's no such thing as vampires.

That didn't answer my question.

Listen, I'd like to invite you to dinner

at my house tonight.

What, so I can join your world?

Yes. We need to get to know

each other better.

Bury the hatchet, if you will.

Did you hear that?

He wants to bury the hatchet,

probably in my head!

I'm going into the lion's den.

The Devlin lion's den!

I'm scared out of my mind!

But this is the only chance I have

to convince everyone

that Devlin, he is dangerous,

and I'm bringing a secret weapon with me.

This.

As you know, I've always been pretty

Internet savvy, so what I'm gonna do

is I'm going to transmit a live video feed

of my dinner at Mr. Devlin's.

If he tries anything, and I mean anything,

the whole world will see it on the website

that devil is of the undead!

Devlin. I meant to say Devlin.

Devil-n. Devil-n.

N-devil.

N-devil! Devlin!

There's something with the name, I know it.

Just got to figure it out.

Think. Think, Fred.

I got it.

If you combine Devil with Kevin,

you get Devlin!

Hello-ski, Fred.

Welcome to my home.

Hi.

It's a pleasure to be here.

You know, I was worried you might not

show up, but I'm glad you did.

I have a special meal planned

that I'm very excited for you to try.

It's a food I'm sure you've never

eaten before.

Sounds good.

But there are a few preparations

I need to make in the kitchen.

Please make yourself at home.

There's a letter in your mailbox.

Figglehorn?

What the heck is this?

You know, Fred,

tonight is a bit of a celebration.

Why is that?

We collected over nine gallons of blood

at the blood drive.

That's double the previous school record.

That's a lot of blood.

- Yeah.

- Diesel,

you've got to watch Figglehorn's website

right now, man.

I'm watching it, it's creeping me out.

I'm handling my business in here.

What are you gonna do with all that blood?

What do you think?

Okay, Fred.

Time to dig up dinner.

- You watching this?

- It's so scary.

Okay.

Come on, I can't wait

to sink my teeth into this.

Oh, my gammit, he's gonna make me

dig up dead bodies and eat them.

Dead bodies!

Help me.

Shouldn't be much further now, Fred.

Okay.

Fred, there it is.

Now, help me get this up.

I'm not touching that. Who is in there?

Fred, it's Kimchee.

I'm gonna go wash my hands.

I always wash my hands before I eat.

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