Fred 2: Night of the Living Fred Page #6

Oh, my gammit, he's killed

someone named Kim Chee,

and now he expects me to eat her!

I don't want to eat a dead body.

What am I gonna do?

Where am I?

I've got to find a way out of here.

Maybe that's the way out.

No.

Don't, Fred.

Don't.

- No, Fred.

- Don't do it.

No one ever goes for the door.

What are you doing, man?

Where am I?

I hope that's baloney.

What is that?

Figglehorn.

Figglehorn, turn around.

Get out of there, get out of there.

Fred?

Come on, just don't stand there,

what are you doing?

There you are.

I see you discovered my secret kitchen.

Pretty neat, right?

- What is this?

- This is steak.

- Steak?

- For bulgogi.

Korean barbecue.

Fun word, right? Bulgogi.

So, are we still eating Kim Chee?

We're definitely, definitely eating Kimchee,

which is Korean coleslaw.

We bury it in the ground to help it ferment.

Isn't that weird,

eating stuff out of the ground?

Well, we eat vegetables,

and they come out of the ground, right?

I don't eat vegetables.

Well, what do you say we go cook this up?

And on the way, I will tell you about

my traditional headdress.

In ancient Korea,

people used to wear headdresses.

Kevin, did you practice your piano?

I am done with piano.

What do you mean?

The bat was injured,

so I nursed it back to health.

I tried to let it leave,

but it always came back to me.

So, Fred, what do you think?

You know, it was really good.

I knew you'd like it, and I knew it was

something you'd never had before.

So, why are you so interested

in Korean food?

Well, it brings back good memories

of when I was a kid.

My dad was in the army, for a while

he was stationed in South Korea,

we used to eat it all the time.

But when I was 10, my parents got divorced,

and I moved back here with my mom.

Yeah, I live with my mom, too.

I know.

Right, you guys are dating.

Boyfriend-girlfriend. Yeah.

Just kidding.

Did you ever miss your dad

when you were growing up?

A lot.

- Yeah, I really miss my dad.

- I suppose the good that came out of it

is that when we left Korea,

that's when I started taking piano lessons.

- Really?

- It was a gift.

Music let me escape.

And as an adult, music lets me be accepted.

It makes people forget

that they think that I'm weird.

Yeah, people call me that, too.

Wait, is that what you mean when you say,

"Join the world with music"?

When I play music, I stop being an outsider.

And people stop thinking I'm weird,

because I walk around with an umbrella

in broad daylight to protect my skin.

That is sort of weird, no offense.

- No, you're right.

- Don't take offense to it.

I don't.

Well, yeah, I think I get it now,

the whole "join the world with music" thing.

You know, I thought you would,

which is why I was hoping

that we'd become friends.

We are friends.

Good. Well, let's toast to it.

I can't believe you ate food

out of the ground.

We all eat food out of the ground,

Bertha, it's called vegetables.

I don't eat vegetables.

Figglehorn, you made it!

Man, we thought you were a goner, bro.

Yeah, I was so scared.

You risked your life to save us.

You're a hero, man! A hero!

Thanks.

- What were they talking about?

- I have no idea.

What's this?

Hi, Fred.

Talia, I never got a chance

to apologize about the garlic.

Yeah, that was weird. But it turns out you

were right to warn us about Mr. Devlin.

What do you mean?

We all saw your video.

Kevin says he's a vampire,

me and my mom think he's just a weirdo.

But now, we know to stay away from him.

Wait.

You mean the live feed on my website?

People actually watched that?

Yeah, everybody.

But the thing is, none of that's true.

It's all wrong!

- Now, if everyone sees it, then...

- Hey, Figglehorn.

What do you want, Kevin?

Hey, thanks for letting us know

about that weirdo.

O-M-G, what's going on here? This is bad!

Mr. Devlin! Mr. Devlin, it's me, Fred.

I'm here to talk to you about

what's happened. I'm really sorry.

Mr. Devlin, please.

Oh, my gammit!

He's gonna make me eat dead bodies.

Dead bodies! Help me.

Oh, my gammit, I've got to take down

my website before it does any more damage.

Wowser copter!

Is that how many hits are on my website?

This is really...

Bad, it's bad is what it is.

This website is hurting people,

it hurt someone.

I could have, like, a really good life

if I go through with this.

I mean, like, the fans will keep

building up, the views will rise,

I'll give me and my mom the life we deserve.

Take it down, it's not a big deal.

You could become famous, Fred.

Take it down.

No, you won't. Take it down. No!

Okay, it's down.

Well, Fred, Mr. Devlin's leaving,

you got what you wanted.

This is not what I wanted, Bertha.

I mean, yeah, that's what I wanted

originally, but then, over time...

I was being sarcastic,

I know that's not what you wanted.

- I really hope it's not too late.

- Me too. See you.

Hey, Mom. What's all this?

Only time I ever had

a decent relationship with a man,

he treated me with respect

and was nice to me,

you had to go and tell the whole world

that he was evil.

No, Mom, you said you'd quit.

I'm depressed, Fred.

This is what I do when I'm depressed.

Where did you even get all this food?

I was moonlighting at a bar mitzvah.

I'm taking a nap.

Guilt is so awful!

What am I gonna do?

I can't just stand by and let this happen!

I've ruined a man's life

by falsely accusing him of being a vampire!

I've ruined my mom's

one chance at true happiness!

I wish I could take it back.

I mean, I wish it was just me

everyone was mad at again!

I would trade places with him in a second.

Wait a minute. Wait a second.

Wait a minute. Wait a second.

Trade places with him.

- I need your help.

- For what?

I'm going to convince everyone

that I'm a vampire,

so they're mad at me and scared of me,

and so they focus on me and blame me,

so Mr. Devlin can have his life back.

Fred, most people don't believe in vampires.

I didn't say it was gonna be easy.

I'm in.

Okay. Here we go.

Hey, it's me, sock puppet Fred, let me in.

- Quiet, or she'll know we're in here.

- I know you're in there.

Talia, we're kind of busy right now.

- Can I help?

- No, I don't think so.

We could use her.

Okay, we have a lot to do, though, so...

I hope we don't need my other sock puppet,

though, 'cause I kind of lost myself.

Okay, we don't need

any sock puppets, Talia.

This is serious.

Okay, you see, I'm gonna convince

everyone that I'm a vampire

so people will leave Mr. Devlin alone.

But you're the one who convinced us

that he's a vampire.

Exactly.

So, you like Mr. Devlin now?

But he's so weird.

Yeah, but so am I.

Everybody's weird. There are just some

people who like to act like they're normal.

Exactly. So, you still

interested in helping?

Sure.

Kevin, your father and I are going out.

So just make sure

your sister is in bed by 9:00.

Well, just so you know, Mom,

I've raised my babysitting rates

to $15 an hour.

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