Freddy Got Fingered Page #7

# I fought the law and I won

# I fought the law and I won

Darren. Darr...

Darren...

- What do you want, Gord?

- Darren, you're not gonna believe this.

I don't think we can be friends any more

cos you're crazy and your father's crazy too.

- Wanna see what a million dollars looks like?

- Keep it down. I have to work he...

- What is that?

- It's a cheque for a million dollars.

I sold my cartoon. My dad said I couldn't

sell it, but guess what? I sold my cartoon.

- For a million dollars!

- Sh. Sh...

I got a million dollars for my little drawings.

For my little drawings.

No, don't rub on Mr. Lee. No, no, no,

not my plant. Give me my plant, Gord.

Gord, give...

Don't you see? I don't

have to take his crap any more.

You're right. You've done it.

You don't have to live

in their basement any more.

Look, just give me $100,000 in cash. Put

the rest of my cheque in a savings account.

- What d'you want with 100 grand, Gord?

- Hm?

Hm?

- Hm?

- Don't...

- I wonder.

- Don't do that.

I wonder. I wonder.

(# "Ride of the Valkyries" by Wagner)

Betty! Betty, come to the window.

Betty! Betty!

Gord?

- Gord, is that you?

- Look at me, Betty. I'm flying.

- Gord, what do you want?

- Meet me on the roof.

Meet me on the roof, Betty. Please!

(# "When a Man Loves a Woman"

by Percy Sledge)

# When a man loves a woman

# Can't keep his mind on nothing else

# He'd trade the world

for the good thing he's found

# If she is bad, he can't see it...

Gord, what are you doing?

What?

- Gord, I can't hear you!

- I saw you on TV!

And you inspired me to keep trying,

so I did it and I sold my animations and...

Remember that day I lied to you

and told you I was a stockbroker?

Guess what? Now I really am rich, and... here.

- I have a bag of jewels for you.

- Gord, what...?

They're jewels, Betty. They're jewels.

I got them all for you.

But, Gord, I don't care about jewels.

I just wanna...

I just wanna suck your cock.

Do ya? Do ya really mean that, Betty?

Yes, Gord.

Even if you were poor,

I'd still just wanna stay home and...

...and suck your cock.

- Oh, Betty!

- Oh, Gordie!

Oh!

- Are you crying, you silly?

- No.

No!

- Yes, you are.

- OK, maybe just a little.

I gotta go! I gotta go!

OK. Where are you going, Gord?

I'm going to see my daddy.

Good luck, Gord. Good luck.

I'm going to see my daddy!

Good luck, Gordie!

My daddy! My daddy!

Somebody in this room?

I'll kick your ass.

F***.

Sweet dreams, Daddy.

You see, Mr. Brody, this part here

is the trickiest part. It'll take 30 men.

It would be a lot cheaper if you just

tear the whole thing down and build...

Money's no object.

Cos I had a million dollars, OK?

And then I spent $150,000 on the jewels, OK?

Then I spent $100,000 -

I rented a helicopter, OK?

Then add the $750,000 -

that's all my money.

That's all my money gone.

That's a million dollars gone.

Easy come, easy go.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, Freida. That's the ticket.

Where in f***'s the water?

Surprise, Daddy! We're in Pakistan.

I thought we could go sew

some soccer balls together.

Pakistan?

Pakistan? There's a f***ing camel!

We're going for a ride, Daddy.

What is going on?

What is going on?

How the hell did you do this to me?

- Uh-oh!

- Stop! Stop!

Oh!

Aaagh!

Dad, I...

There ain't gonna be no discussion

from now on. I'm gonna kick your ass!

I'm gonna kill you!

Hey, hey, hey!

You're f***ing dead.

Hold on. Hey!

All gone. My wife is gone.

My life's ruined.

You didn't know I could run this fast,

did ya, fartface?

Hey! You better run, you little sh*t.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Look at me, Daddy. Look at me.

Look at me, Daddy. Look what I can do.

What the f*** d'you think you're doing,

you sick son of a b*tch?

Dad?

Gord, are you OK?

I think so.

Sh*t.

I wanna ask you something.

How the f*** did you afford all this?

Where'd you get the money?

I got a job.

I'm an animator.

I'm a real animator.

A job?

- You mean your doodles?

- Yeah, Dad.

I sold them.

They gave me

a million dollars for my drawings.

Good God Almighty, Gord. A million dollars.

This doodling thing's for real.

You must be a pretty

damn good doodler, aren't you?

Look, I know we've had our differences.

You and I never really see eye to eye,

but I learned something.

- I can see that.

- No, not just how to whack off an elephant.

I learned to believe in myself.

I'm sorry if you're ashamed of me because I do

things differently, but I got that from you...

...cos you always do things your own way,

no matter what other people think.

And maybe I needed to do the same.

I know I'll never be the man

you want me to be, but I'm your son.

And I want you to be proud.

Son, you did it.

I am proud of you.

Proud.

Proud.

Buenos das.

(# traditional song)

Topping world news tonight,

the creator of a popular TV show...

...has been captured by villagers in Pakistan.

The American State Department

has confirmed that Gordon Brody...

...creator of the animated series

Zebras in America...

...creator of the series,

Zebras in America...

...were taken hostage

while vacationing in the Thar Desert.

...while vacationing in the Thar Desert,

along the Pakistani-Indian border.

At this hour their conditions

are not known.

Agh!

The world got its first glimpse

of Gordon and Jim Brody.

Earlier today the Pentagon

released this video tape...

Are you still in love with your husband?

Shaq, honey. That's my son, my baby boy.

They're holding him hostage.

- I'm just being a concerned mom.

- Yeah, whatever.

I did all this for you. Nipples pierced.

Can he do it like this, huh?

Do it like that. Do all this. Do all that.

... to bring the Brodys home alive.

A happy ending in the Brody hostage crisis.

After 18 months in captivity,

the father and son were freed yesterday.

Gordon and Jim Brody are expected

to return to their home in Portland today...

... where the real healing will begin.

The mayor and the city have organized

a celebration for the Brodys'return.

(# band plays

"The Star-Spangled Banner")

Go on, Gord!

- Wait for me.

- Andy, no!

Andy! No!

Daddy, I'm OK. I'm OK.

I'm OK, Daddy.

# May I have your attention, please?

# May I have your attention, please?

# Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

# I repeat

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

# We're gonna have a problem here

# Y'all act like you never seen

a white person before

# Jaws all on the floor like Pam,

like Tommy just burst in the door...

You can't hurt me.

Not with my cheese helmet.

- These are stupid.

- Not stupid.

- Stupid.

- Not stupid.

- Stupid.

- Not stupid.

- Stupid.

- Not stupid.

Oh! Now I'm stinky.

Now I'm stinky.

Now... Now I'm stinky.

- It's a monster.

- What are you doing?

You're a tasty monster.

Ah, ah, ah...

- Bling, bling, bling.

- Blah, blah, blah.

Get off. You're off.

What the f*** are we doing?

# All you other Slim Shady's

are just imitating

# So won't the real Slim Shady

please stand up?

# Please stand up? Please stand up?

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