Free Guy Page #3

---

So, to get a little personal, what’s the thing that gets you up in the morning?

(SIGHS) Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.

(KEYS CHUCKLES)

What’s the other thing? Oh, yeah. An insatiable thirst for validation.

She’s not kidding.

I’m not.

REPORTER:
How about you?

(CLICKS TONGUE) Code.

REPORTER:
Code?

Code.

Code, yeah.

Here we go.

KEYS:
‘Cause it’s not just zeros and ones, it’s hidden messages. I like to think of myself, actually, as not a code writer, but an author. I just use zeros and ones instead of words ’cause words will let you down. But zeros and ones, never. Zeros and ones are as cool as sh*t.

He’s not kidding.

I’m not.

REPORTER:
Now, I’ve gotta ask. There is a lot of chemistry between the two of you. Has this evolved into more than…

MILLIE:
No. (CHUCKLES) No way. No. It’s strictly platonic.

No, no, no. We’re friends.

We’re like best friends.

Friendship.

And now your game is gonna be released by Soonami, one of the biggest publishers in the world.

It’s crazy, actually.

It is, yeah.

It does seem a little bit like an unlikely pairing, though.

KEYS:
Yeah, I didn’t totally get it either. But Millie’s got a real instinct for these things…

MILLIE:
Antwan is a genius. He’s brash and obnoxious, but he’s really good at what he does. It’s a chance for our work to be seen by a wider audience.

God, those two were young and dumb.

Jeez. So we’re breaking and entering now?

How does it feel working for a galactic black hole of frozen sh*t?

You have to leave. I can’t talk to you.

Aw, shame will have that effect.

No, Millie. I mean I can’t talk to you. I can’t even see you. I’m literally focusing on background objects because looking at your lips move violates my NDA and it could get me fired.

Aw, fired by Antwan, the guy who stole our work?

No, he bought it and then he shelved it. All right? You’re living in the past. You are stuck. You gotta move on.

How can I move on? How can you? Antwan swiped our AI engine to use in his dumb shooter.

Did he, Millie? Because honestly, I’m not so sure. Our game was complex and beautiful and interesting and Free City, it may be popular, but it’s so idiotic, it makes me wanna cry.

Then stop defending him and help me beat his ass.

Millie, I’m…

Come on, Keys, he stole from us. And now he’s lying about it so he doesn’t have to give us the credit and the royalties that we deserve.

Millie…

I found a clue. It’s on a clip in a gamer’s stash house. All I need from you is to get me in there.

Millie, I care about you… but you need to leave.

(GASPING)

(ALARM BEEPING)

GUY:
Today is gonna be different, Goldie.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

What are we lookin’ at?

(GROANS)

Who are you?

Okay, okay. Okay.

We ran into each other the other day, you were humming that great song.

Oh, yeah.

I thought you were an NPC. How did you find me?

I waited outside by the murder train, then I followed you.

(GUNS FIRING)

Sh*t!

Should I come with you?

Yes.

(GRUNTS)

Holy hell, what just happened?

MOLOTOVGIRL:
What just happened is you almost blew my mission.

No, I mean, how did we get from there to wherever this is?

You mean the portal gun?

Portal gun? That sounds expensive.

Wow, you are a special kind of noob.

Thank you. You too.

Turn around.

Okay.

(BEEPING)

(OLDIE MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh.

Is this the North Pole?

MOLOTOVGIRL:
Listen, dude.

GUY:
Guy.

Guy. Whatever.

Props on the NPC outfit, but I’m busy trying to figure out how to steal something.

GUY:
Maybe I could help you.

I work alone.

You have beautiful grenades.

Besides, if you want to have any chance of making an impact here, you need to have a higher level than that.

(EXHALES) That’s tough. No.

No.

Higher level?

Good Lord, rook.

See?

Oh.

That’s mine.

And that’s yours.

Oh… What, is one the best or the worst?

There is literally nothing lower.

Well, how do I get to a higher level?

Really?

Really.

You know, get stuff.

Yeah.

Are you kidding me right now?

Okay.

Experience, guns…

Yeah.

Put that down.

Uh-huh.

Money. This is Free City.

You could rob a store, carjack someone, punch a pedestrian in the face. You’ll figure it out.

Oh, I’d never hurt innocent people. (CHUCKLES)

Hmm. I’ve got to admit that is kind of refreshing.

Sometimes I forget not everyone you meet on here is a sociopathic man-child.

Thank you.

Wait. But the world isn’t that bad though, is it?

Oh! It’s pretty bleak.

If you ever met the dick responsible for this world, you’d agree.

Are we talking about God? You’ve met God?

And he’s a dick?

His name’s Antwan, and yes, he’s an absolute troll.

Trolls exist?

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Look, I don’t know if anybody does it, but you could rack experience points up by being a good guy.

Like a hero.

Ooh. Easy, tiger.

If you don’t wanna shoot people, you could steal their guns.

All that sh*t makes your level go up.

Go be the good guy.

Okay. No, I’m gonna be the great guy.

MOLOTOVGIRL:
Ooh! Ooh.

Okay, well, enjoy your lifetime supply of virginity.

(GUY CHUCKLES)

Off you go.

Okay. Wait! How will I know that I’ve leveled up enough?

Uh, get over 100, then we’ll talk.

Whoa.

Bye now.

That’s so much more than one.

It’s like 99 more…

Bye now.

Okay.

(EXHALES, CHUCKLES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

(MAN SCREAMS)

(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING)

Hi.

(GASPS)

(ALARM BEEPING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(GUNS FIRING)

(BEEPING RAPIDLY)

(ALARM BEEPING)

(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)

Thanks, Guy.

(LAUGHING)

(BEEPING)

Good morning, Goldie.

Good morning, Goldie.

Good f***ing morning, Goldie.

I have three words for you. Blue Shirt Guy.

BSG is leveling up and at a record pace by playing the hero.

It’s got people all over the world asking, “Just who is this guy?”

I don’t know who this guy is, but he’s out-skilling all these players.

GAMER:
And here he is, taking out Beefoven, a level 102 from Clan Ragnarok.

This is bullshit. Who is this guy?

I don’t know, but he’s good.

Yeah, he’s good. He looks like an NPC but he’s running around, leveling up crazy fast by being the freaking good guy.

ALEX TREBEK:
“This colorful character in the video game Free City “has been turning heads by being the good guy.”

Piper.

Who is Blue Shirt Guy?

ALEX TREBEK:
You’re absolutely right.

Blue Shirt Guy. Who is he or she indeed?

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Whoo-hoo! (CONTINUES WHOOPING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE) There’s a worldwide craze that has captured kids’ hearts-Blue Shirt Guy!

Hello, Hinata.

You have a great outfit.

Don’t have a good day, Have a GREAT day!

Crazy awesome!!!

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)

(GRUNTING)

(GUN CLICKS)

Well, well, well. Look who decided to come to work today, huh?

Look, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you…

What is this shirt?

Where’s your collar at? Where’s the rest of the buttons?

And it’s not tucked in. You look sloppy.

Matter of fact, you look horrible. Did you pick up some muscles, too?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes