Freebie and the Bean Page #3

'Medic, medic!

Stretcher-bearer!'

'Let's play something nice.'

'I'll kill her!

Get him!'

'Stay in the line of fire.'

'I gotcha!'

(Bean)

'Look at that idiot

standing out there.'

- 'He'll get himself killed.'

- 'To our futures.'

'Not your lieutenant bars, my

soap bars right in the crapper.'

- 'Maybe we better warn him.'

- 'No, no, no, no.'

'If we warn him, he won't

be around on Monday.'

'He'll go so far underground'

'they'll need a steam shovel

to dig him out.'

(Freebie)

'I got a better idea.'

- 'Than what?'

- 'Didn't you just, uh..'

'I mean have an idea?'

- 'I got a better one.'

- 'What?'

Alright, listen.

I think we gotta take a chance.

I mean we gotta

pick him up right now.

Yeah, but for what,

possession of an adding

machine tape

soaked in salad oil?

D.A's not gonna go for that.

We gotta have Motley.

So, we'll pick him up

for something else.

What, walking a dog

without a leash?

So, pick him up

for something else.

Indecent exposure?

What the hell

are you guys talking about?

What, are you crazy

or something, huh?

What is this,

some kind of a gag?

No, sir.

Uh, it's not.

You uh, unzipped your fly

there in the park we saw you.

I unzipped my fly?

Oh, yeah, we saw you.

I got a hernia.

I was adjusting my truss.

Oh.

You guys are really cops?

- That's right.

- Let me see your ID.

- Okay!

- Come on.

Here you are.

[laughs]

Rosen's precinct.

Why the hell didn't you tell me?

Christ sake!

Sure, it's a gag.

'What the hell's

the matter with me?'

Hey, uh, one of my boys

not paying off, huh?

- Nothing like that.

- Tell me who it is.

I'll bust his head.

I don't think that'd be

a very good idea, sir.

Alright, how much?

It's not a question

of money, sir.

I'm afraid you're gonna

have to come with us, sir.

You haven't given me

a good reason yet.

You know, you guys are smoking

too much of that stuff

you're taking off

of them pushers.

Where'd you get this suit?

Will you go get your jacket,

please, sir?

Alright.

But you're gonna get yelled at.

A lot.

Mildred!

- Mildred!

- 'What?'

Where the hell are you?

'What?'

Did you get the cracked crab?

Yeah, 200 pounds.

From Jorgensen's?

On ice, if you..

Will you stop worrying

about the party?

- It'll be here.

- I'm not worried about--

Who are they?

You take care of the house

I take care

of the business, right?

Hmm?

Now what the hell

are you mad at?

- Did you hear that?

- 'Mildred!'

Huh, 200 pounds of cracked crab

from Jorgensen's?

- You know what that's worth?

- What do I care?

What do you care.

Now, this isn't gonna work,

you know.

Well, we'll find a way

to make it work.

[whistles]

Hey, let's go, come on.

Come on.

Come on, uh,

not out the front door.

Out the back, come on.

I don't want nobody to see me

with you katzenjammer cops.

Indecent exposure..

Maybe it's a compliment.

- What are you doing?

- Just checking.

What are you, what are you,

what are you, hey!

[instrumental music]

(Freebie)

'24 hours,

that's all I'm asking.'

24 hours, what's the big deal.

To drunk-tank Red Meyers?

So?

Look, you..

You are suckin'

for a very big bruise.

Now, that you guys have already

dug yourself in so deep

in this pit you've made

there's no way

that I can dig you out

without, uh, burying you deeper.

- You know what I mean?

- No idea.

You know

what he's talking about?

I don't know what

he's talking about.

[telephone rings]

Yeah.

Yeah, they're here.

Right away.

There's this uh, man

in the fancy office

right across the hall

who would like the pleasure

of your company.

You can't miss him.

He's wearing a black suit

and a red face.

[indistinct chattering]

Hey! Prick.

- Tuck your shirt in.

- Tuck my shirt in?

Screw him.

Hey, here, how's this?

- Tuck your shirt in.

- Kiss my ass.

[phone ringing]

How in the world did you guys

stay alive till now?

They should've destroyed you

when you were rookies.

How do you get up

in the morning?

Tell me..

...what was going

through your mind?

Indecent exposure?

Red Meyers?

Are you insane?

Do you know how many

phone calls I had

in the last 1 5 minutes?

I'm not talking about lawyers.

I'm talking

about the guys on our side.

You wanna hear the list?

You want me to start

with the lieutenant governor

and work down,

or do you want me to start

with the councilmen and work up?

- Sir, can I--

- No, you can say nothing!

I don't know

what to do with you guys.

'Let me see your gun

and your badge.'

- Wanna see mine, too, sir?

- No, don't, don't touch it.

I don't want you to touch

anything in my office.

Intelligence squad?

'You're not fit to guard'

the fish at the aquarium.

Sir, Can I..

Can I say one..

- Could he say something?

- May I say one thing, sir?

- Uh, we..

- Sir, we..

If we had, if,

no, if you had

with our help,

an airtight case--

Airtight case,

an indictment in a grand jury

'I mean would that,

would that would that--'

(Bean)

'Would that change your..'

'Would it help anything, sir?'

Would that change

things for you?

An airtight case, sir.

Airtight.

For indecent exposure?

- Not, no, sir.

- No.

I mean, this is the real thing.

I mean the numbers--

[clears throat]

A policy, everything.

We've got it.

(Bean)

'We have him, sir.'

Uh, see, sir, uh, well..

- Go ahead.

- Go ahead, no, I was..

1 4 months, sir, we've been

working. 1 4 months, and-and..

- We've got him.

- We've got him, excuse me.

Uh, we have it tied up

in a-in a pink ribbon. I mean..

- We have him, sir.

- We-we've got his ass.

- His ass is ours.

- Excuse me, sir.

- But we have it.

- His ass is ours, sir!

Wha-wha-what do you have?

Stop the speeches.

Just, just tell me

what you have.

- We have..

- We have a ledger sheet--

We have a ledger sheet

with everything, sir.

It's got everything on it.

It's got numbers.

It's got names.

It's got his initials

all over it, sir.

'And his initials on there.'

'Uh, salad oil all over.

Got it out of the garbage.'

We've been digging

in garbage for 1 4 months, sir.

And this is

what we came up with, and, uh..

It's not enough.

It's not enough.

Well, what--

- It's not enough?

- What would be enough, sir?

- I need a witness.

- 'We--'

Somebody to explain it all

to the grand jury.

- But we have a witness.

- We have one, sir.

Who?

- Ha.

- We have, uh, Mo-Mo..

- Harry.

- Harry Motley.

We have Harry Motley.

This office tried

386 cases last year

from murder one to jaywalking.

I personally got

342 convictions.

That's wonderful, sir.

'What makes you think

Motley's going to get'

'chatty in a courtroom?'

Motley's a smiler.

He's not a talker.

Uh, uh..

We have an edge, sir.

'Yes, sir, well, you see'

it's statutory rape.

- We have a girl.

- A-a-a..

- Fourteen year old girl..

- A fourteen year old girl..

- Whose parents have agreed..

- Whose parents they will..

If he even s-smirks,

they'll talk.

(Bean)

'He's coming back

into town on Monday.'

- Monday, he'll be back here.

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