French Kiss Page #3

France is not a nation

of puritanical hypocrites.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

I just gave you 100 francs.

Oui, madame,

and I took it. Merci.

If there is

anything else I can do,

please let me know.

Bonjour, mademoiselle.

You are American, no?

For the moment.

Well, forgive me for intruding,

but I saw you sitting here,

looking a little sad.

Why should such

a beautiful woman

look so sad, I asked myself.

Have you got an hour?

As a matter of fact,

always.

Let me help you

to forget your sadness.

Remember you are in Paris,

City of Love.

Can I ask you something?

Of course.

Can you urinate

with someone standing

right behind you?

I think I could manage it.

Are you going

to be the someone?

Me? No. That's not

what I meant.

So...

You would like that I arrange

for someone else

to stand next to me?

It could be arranged.

Perhaps Pierre, Monique...

You have the face of an angel,

but I'm delighted to find

the mind is a little devil.

Hey, hey,

look, Mister,

this will get you nowhere.

I'm waiting to meet my fianc.

If he sees you bothering me,

even talking to me,

he'll walk right over here...

What are you doing here?

You only work the metro.

No more.

With this suit, I'm a new man.

Charlie?

Hey, you said you'd

give me a ride.

You said... Where are we?

Your hotel.

I take you to your room.

I don't have a room.

Someone has taken my room,

someone in 4-inch heels,

a red dress...

Oh, my god.

My bags.

What?

My bags are gone.

What? They can't be gone.

How can they?

Why look under there?

I didn't lose my keys.

I lost my suitcase!

Where did you put them down?

I fainted right there.

Oh, my money, my passport,

my vitamins...

May I be of service?

You tell him!

How could you let this happen?

What is your problem?

They're my bags!

I am upset because

it is my country

and this is a scandal.

Do you remember anything?

I was sitting here,

then that guy came

and talked to me...

Then I saw Charlie.

Oh, here we go again.

Here. Sit, sit, sit.

Breathe in... Breathe out...

Breathe in...

I'm breathing!

You know, all men are bastards.

Well, some are just

trying to help.

I never thought I'd say this,

but it's true.

All men are bastards.

The guy talking to you,

- he was...

- A bastard.

A Euro-trash-in-Armani bastard.

He wore a black suit

with a yellow shirt?

Yeah.

- You know him?

- Come.

Of course.

All you bastards

know each other.

Bastard.

All right, all right.

You wait here,

I go get the... My car,

and we go get your stuff, OK.?

So who's this guy

who stole my bags?

Bub.

Bub?

No, Bub.

Bub, like...

Bub Dylan.

Bob.

Oui. Bahhb.

Now, why are you helping me?

Why?

Because I like you.

I do...

But I don't like

how you say on the plane

with your face

all scrunched up,

"You're French, aren't you?"

I don't like how you say

with your eyes all squinty,

"All men are bastards."

Scrunched?

Allons-y! Allons-y!

Allez, allez!

Please don't break

the car, OK.?

OK, so I try to understand.

He says he has met

this woman...

no, no. This goddess.

He breaks your heart.

He...

Hurts me.

Humbles me.

Humiliates you.

Humiliates me.

So you come here to Paris

so he can do it again,

but this time, in your face.

No.

Pardon.

No, no. I come to Paris

to get back the man

that I love.

Is that so hard to understand,

even for someone like yourself?

OK, and meanwhile,

his lover is...

Don't ever use that word again.

This bastard woman,

she is feeling something else,

maybe...

Once he saw me, myself, moi,

everything would change.

The spell would be broken.

What, you don't think

I could change his mind?

I would remind him

we had a wonderful,

perfect life together.

Evidently.

I've never been so happy.

When someone says that,

my ass begins to twitch.

And we had plans

for a home and family.

I'd remind him of that, too.

He was obviously

very attached to them.

If all else failed...

You'd get down

on your knees and beg?

It's possible.

I can see it,

there is the goddess

standing next to Charlie

in her negligee,

and you are on

your knees, begging.

Poor Charlie.

Tough decision.

Alors!

I didn't beg.

No. You fainted.

Hey, Luc-a-doo!

I see how far you'd go

for the love of your life.

If you know so much,

how come no one greeted

you at the airport?

Please. I'm finished

with women, OK.?

Haven't found the right one?

I have found plenty,

believe me.

Afraid of commitment.

I'm afraid of nothing.

I know your problem,

no staying power.

What?

You can't stick it out.

- What you talking about?

- It's obvious.

It is?

You are afraid of commitment.

Commitment! Oh, OK., sorry.

I thought you meant...

What did you think?

Nothing. It's OK.

This problem.

It's not a problem!

For you, Luc?

Every man goes through that.

Charlie never did,

but, you know,

it's usually an issue

of self-esteem.

It's just a recent

phenomenon, OK.?

I've been under a lot

of pressure recently.

Soon it will all be over,

and then zip, boom, bonjour,

I'm back in business, OK.?

Bob, great to see you.

Hi, Luc.

You've met my friend Kate?

Hello again.

Where's the rest?

Hey!

What about my money

and my passport?

He sold the passport.

First thing to go.

What about my suitcase

and my clothes?

Ask him about my vitamins.

Her clothes?

I gave them to Monique.

Monique?

What? What? What did he say?

He threw them away.

Oh, god!

Oh, man!

God!

What? No. No, thank you.

You got rid of everything?

Except for that...

You hid a plant in my bag?

Not just a plant. A vine.

That's why you're helping me.

You don't give a sh*t about me.

I'm sorry you lost your stuff,

but it was not me who stole it.

What if I had gotten

stopped at customs?

What would've happened then?

Don't be ridiculous.

People like you

they don't stop.

Why do you think I choose you?

You'd declare a pack

of chewing gum.

Please, don't ever, ever...

Never touch my vine.

You don't understand. This...

This is my future.

I'm going to make

a great vineyard,

and I'm going to escape

this sh*t hole.

You can't make a vineyard

out of one vine.

No. Not one vine.

I take this little

American vine,

I mix it with others,

then I make something new.

I don't care. I don't care.

Why listen to you?

It's bullshit.

Everything with you

is bullshit.

OK, fine.

Go home.

Find a nice little boy

you can boss around.

Only don't let him

out of your sight.

How do I do that?

I have no money, no ticket,

no passport...

Here. Take this. Please.

I don't want your money.

It's what he got

for your stuff.

I don't want your money.

Now go away.

Stop following me.

OK.

Bonne chance.

What necklace?

I didn't see any necklace!

It must still be in her bag!

In her bag?

It's Wonderful... It's wonderful

It's Wonderful

Good Luck, My Baby

It's Wonderful... It's wonderful

I Dream Of You Chips, chips

It's Wonderful... It's wonderful

It's Wonderful

Good Luck, My Baby

It's Wonderful... It's wonderful

It's Wonderful

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