Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel Page #4

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Very quick too.

Well, not from my point of view.

It actually took quite a bit of time

to sort all this out.

- Oh, yeah? How long?

- Six months.

So, you just went through the door,

went into the future for six months

- and then came back out...

- One second after I left you.

Wow!

Oh, thank you.

So, it's erm...

It's all sorted, then,

with the time leak and dead bodies?

Yep. All sorted.

Are you sure?

Ray, I didn't spend the last

six months just dyeing my hair.

I'm a professional.

Hmm.

So, what was all this about, then?

I'm sorry, I can't tell you.

What. Why not?

That knowledge is anachronous

to your time period.

That sounded like you really knew

what you were talking about.

I know. I know!

It's great, isn't it?

I did what you told me and started saying

everything with confidence

even if I don't have a clue.

It's just had an amazing effect.

I even got a promotion.

Really?

You got a promotion?

Well, I got off probation.

Mmm. That's pretty much the same.

Yeah.

And what did you reckon

to me avoiding that paradox in there?

- Ray, you hid in a cupboard.

- I thought I did well under the circumstances.

I mean, sure,

I don't have a manual to ignore.

Will you stop it with the manual?

So, how do we get back

to the right time?

Well, er, we're nearly there, anyway.

- So we just wait?

- Yeah.

In the cupboard?

I'm afraid so.

No glowing portal?

No vortex? No big star ship?

Just sit and wait in the cupboard?

Yeah.

Not exactly the glamour that

I had expected from time travel.

I did warn you.

Any chance I could wait

out here with you?

Why?

Just, erm, because...

It's better than wedging myself

in a cupboard with two very sweaty men.

- Not a good thing.

- No. No, I imagine not.

So, we'll just hang out

here for a while.

Yeah. That would be nice.

I thought you said

we had 20 minutes.

Yeah.

Oh, it's... not a problem.

Uh, I'm just going to go check that out and

maybe you should get back in that cupboard.

- But everything's going to be OK?

- Ray, relax. I told you, I'm a professional.

Well, they do say that things

taste better outside.

Thank God.

Things taste better outside.

Twat.

- Hang on.

- Pack it in.

This is it.

Hello, Petey. Change your mind?

No. Just gonna watch from here.

Sh*t-sh*t-sh*t!

What the f*** are you doing?

- Where are you going?

- I need a piss.

- You can't go in there!

- You said your woman fixed it.

I'm sure she has,

but the other us might still be in there.

Oh, my... Just go to the ladies.

Ladies?

I'm confused.

You're pissing in the ladies,

of course you're confused.

So, the other versions of us

have gone back in time and become us.

Oh, you see?

You say that like it makes sense.

To me it's just crazy talk.

I quite like it in the ladies.

I'm so confused.

Look, Pete,

don't worry about it.

All you need to know is that

we're back in the right time

and everything is going to be OK.

Did you get that girl's number, Ray?

Oh, sh*t.

- You said she had fixed it.

- She said she had.

Maybe she didn't expect us

to go into the ladies.

And we didn't do that conga thing.

Yeah, maybe that wasn't vital.

- Oh, f*** this, lads.

- No, Pete, wait! Oh!

- Maybe he's got the right idea.

- Yeah, maybe.

Don't go in!

Oh! Oh, thank God!

It's so good to see you again,

at last!

- What the hell happened to you?

- I don't want to talk about it.

Let's never speak of this again.

Er, Pete...

- Have you got sh*t on you?

- Yeah!

They won't attack you

if you wear their scent.

- Who won't?

- I don't want to talk about it.

Ray, what shall we do now?

Don't know.

- Shall we go back into the toilets?

- Yeah.

No!

It's not safe.

We need weapons and food.

What the hell did happen to you?

I really don't want to talk about it.

All I will say is that weapons and food

would be a really good idea.

Oh! Maybe we'll have a look around

for weapons and food first.

Yeah. Sounds like a plan.

What do you think happened?

- You're a little bit excited, aren't you?

- A little bit.

Come on, it's the... It's the future.

I've always wanted to go there.

Not alone any more.

No more running. No more hiding.

No more bad dreams.

You know, for someone

who really doesn't want to talk about it,

he can be quite chatty, can't he?

Weapons and food.

That's what we need.

Crisp, anyone?

Have you checked

the sell-by date on those?

May...

...2094.

How do they taste?

Off.

So, whose round is it?

- Ah...

- Er...

Guys...

- I think I've seen us.

- What?

One time I bumped into three guys

who were dressed like this.

Like we are now.

Only I didn't recognise us.

Us? In the future?

- Must have been.

- But we've only just put these on.

It's time travel.

Sh*t like that happens.

Did we look well?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Too busy running in the

other direction to notice.

Come on.

Let's get back to the toilets.

Whoa, whoa! What?

But we've only just got here.

I think we've all got the idea,

haven't we?

The future is broken.

We have to have a little look around.

I mean, how can we not?

Are you serious?

- Have you actually looked out there?

- This might just be a bad area.

In a bad area, windows get put through,

kids drink on corners.

That is the end of the f***ing world!

Ray, don't you want to go home?

Of course I do.

Just, you know, in a little while.

The way home isn't out there,

it's in there, and I want to go home.

I really do, and every time I go in and come out,

I pray I'll be in the right time.

One day I will be.

Pete, exactly how long

have you been doing this?

Long enough to know

it's better to hunt in packs.

- That doesn't sound good.

- So they can't attack from behind.

Or that.

Let's just sit down,

all right, in the warm

and-and-and wait for rescue, OK?

Rescue? No one knows we're here.

At least out there

there might be someone who can help us.

- Like who?

- I don't know. Like...

Oh, like friendly future people

with huge heads.

You're living in a dream world,

both of you.

I'm going to go

and get a bit of wood.

Thanks, Pete.

Not for the fire.

I'm going to turn this into a spear.

And when I get back, you two,

you'd better be ready to go,

because I'm not going alone again.

What's up with you?

What?

How many times have we talked

about seeing the future, Tobe?

I'm not going out there.

Those look like the sort of streets

monsters run down.

Besides, I haven't really got

the right shoes on for the rubble.

There's always something,

isn't there?

"Oh, I couldn't send my script out,

the margins were too wide."

"I couldn't go to that job interview,

there was a spot on my elbow."

"I can't go exploring,

it's the end of the world."

That last one is quite a good one.

No, it's fine. You just...

You just wait there.

For rescue.

And you call yourself an imagineer.

Ray?

Ray!

Toby!

Pete!

What's going on? Are you OK?

Is everything all right out here?

Oh, my God.

What does it mean, Ray?

What does it mean?

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