Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel Page #5

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- It's us.

- Do you think?

Your woman said you'd get famous, right?

Well, maybe we all do.

- What for?

- I don't know.

Maybe we form a band.

Can anybody play anything?

Maybe we learn.

And maybe it's not a band.

Do you think they did it from photos

or do you think we posed?

- We're dressed as we are now.

- Yeah, that's a headfuck.

Whoa!

- What was that?

- What was what?

A noise.

There is no noise.

Pete?

Sh*t. What the f*** was that?

- Sounded like mandibles.

- What?!

- It's what insects eat with.

- I know what mandibles are!

Big insects.

There was another sound,

like a moaning sound.

Big, moaning insects.

Back to the toilets!

No, wait.

We don't know that for sure.

- It needn't be insects. It could be... anything.

- Right. It could be my big friendly future people.

You know,

with their spindly bodies and their huge hands.

- I think we got a little bit spooked over nothing.

- Shh! Things can come in here as well.

- What kind of things?

- Sshh.

No, no! I will not sshhh!

You are freaking me out.

- Toby, leave him alone.

- No, no, Ray. Look at him.

He's covered in sh*t and scared shitless. Don't

you think it'd be handy to know what did that?

Aren't you just a little curious

about how come he's...

Sshh!

One time I came in here

and went out through that door.

And I fell...

It must have been when ground level

was different, 40 feet different.

I landed in a wood.

I couldn't tell you what time I was in.

If it was the past, our fossil records

are pretty f***in' far from complete.

But I wasn't the first to fall.

- You met other people?

- I didn't say they were alive.

There was things in that wood

that only came out at night.

The breathing.

The noises.

The screams.

Pack it in!

Change your mind?

Sh*t-sh*t-sh*t!

What the f*** are you doing?

If you have anything planned,

you're going to get it too.

It's us!

I haven't got anything planned.

- We can warn ourselves.

- If we do, then we cease to exist.

Exactly.

Ray, check the loos.

He's probably got some bloke

in a Scream mask.

Not a f***ing sound.

Oh. Really does stink in here.

You might as well

just pay me now.

It's like a dung-ey, zoo-ey...

- It's Pete's bullshit you can smell.

- Listen!

This isn't a wind-up.

- Do you really want to see the future?

- I'd love to.

You've got to do exactly what I did.

What do you mean?

... I can say

A total eclipse... of the heart

They've gone.

Oh, that's just great!

That's just f***ing great!

I could have saved myself. Saved us!

- Pete, we'll cease to exist!

- Yeah, well, I don't care!

If I get the chance to warn myself again,

I'm going to do it.

To hell with anyone

who tries to stop me.

Oh, sh*t!

- I was wondering when that would happen.

- Wait!

Pete, no!

What is this?

OK, Ray. Keep it together. What would

Miss Marple do? What would Miss Marple do?

There's hundreds of us.

How can there be hundreds of us?

Did Pete touch himself? Is this what

happens when you do a big paradox?

They aren't us, Tobe.

They're only dressed like us.

Ah, well, that's all right, then.

Now it makes complete sense.

OK, what we need to do now

is find Pete and get the hell out of here.

Run for the sun, little one

You're an outlaw once again

Time to change,

Superman will be with us while he can

In the land of make believe...

Tobe? I think I know why everyone

is dressed like us.

- Why?

- It's a theme night.

A fan theme night,

based around us.

Come on!

That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it?

- What makes you think that?

- Big sign just over there.

Fans... of us.

- Do you think we're here?

- What?

The famous future us.

Oh, my God. I hope not.

- Yes. It is me. Hello!

- What the hell are you doing?

Chill out, Ray. These are my people!

- No, they're not, and this isn't even our time!

- Can't we just soak up a bit of a laugh?

No, we can't.

Now this is what I call a future.

Well, tough. Because we are just here

to find Pete and get the hell out of here.

So you just stay where I can see you.

Oh!

Guys? Is it the real you?

- It's the real us.

- Oh!

- Did you touch yourself?

- No, but I think... I've broken time.

- The whole world is full of us!

- You haven't broken time...

Yes, Pete.

What you did was very, very dangerous.

I want you to promise me

that you will never do it again.

No.

What's that?

Someone slapped it on me.

- He won the Pete lookalike competition.

- Well, he does look a lot like him. You do.

I wonder if they did one for me?

OK, let's go.

- Oh, guys!

- What?

Look.

Oh!

Look at the table.

I'm writing.

I'm Jesus...

and I'm writing.

It's that letter to Hollywood.

This isn't my fault as well, is it?

When I broke time.

This is probably something else, Pete.

- Are you sure it's that letter?

- It's blank in the painting but I left it on that table.

It has to be that.

Someone does a painting of us

because we slag off some films?

Of course it sounds stupid

if you put it like that.

You ripped that page

out of your little book, right?

- Yeah, and?

- Was there anything on the back?

Might have been.

- Might have been?

- Shut up! I'm just trying to think!

Every time I come up with a genius idea,

or one of you says something stupid,

I put it in there.

God, it could be anything.

- It doesn't matter what it is.

- What do you mean?

Well, you don't do paintings of nobodies.

Whatever I wrote, it turned us into somebodies.

I think it is safe to say,

we are rich and we are famous!

Then why aren't we smiling?

I don't know.

Maybe the artist wasn't very good at teeth.

- Maybe it's a memorial?

- Oh! Drop it with the bodies.

His woman said she'd fixed it.

She said she'd fixed the time leak

and I got chased about by monsters.

If Cassie said that we are safe,

then we are safe.

I trust her.

- Are you sure?

- Yes. Sure.

- Let's go.

- Whoa! Slow down!

Got to finish this drink.

Where did you get that?

Some waiter guy.

It's a free bar. Hm-mm!

- Like to stock up on the buffet while we're here?

- There's a buffet?!

Oh!

Hey, guys. The cavalry's here.

- Cassie says hello.

- You know Cassie?

I trained her.

Sergeant Porter, Causal Adjust.

But you can call me Millie. Hi!

I'm here to get you home.

Oh, hello, Millie!

We have been looking

for you guys everywhere!

Oh, so... Wh... Is... Are we safe?

We don't get killed?

Oh, well, officially I can't comment,

but unofficially everything's sorted.

But I still get rich and famous?

Officially I cannot comment but,

unofficially, you get your own island.

Yes!

- So how do we get out of here?

- Leave that to me.

- OK.

- OK.

Come on!

OK, a little bit weird but, erm,

it turns out everybody in the future is American.

Come on!

I thought she'd do something more

than tell us to get back in the bogs.

Yeah, me too.

So, are we back?

We're back!

Yeah, but at what time

of night exactly?

We can't slag off sequels.

There have been some really good sequels.

- Like?

- Like, er...

Mad Max II, Godfather II...

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