Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel Page #6

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Yeah, well for every

good one there are...

- I wish they'd hurry up and bugger off.

- It's going to be another little while.

Look at us. Not a care in the world.

They have no idea what's in store.

Yeah. We look so happy.

OK, ladies.

We know they stay there for a while.

I think it's worth the risk.

Going to get some peanuts.

Didn't shake hands.

What are you, 12?

I swear to you.

I saw myself right here.

Where are my crisps?

I'm starving.

The bar was a little busy.

Maybe later.

Get my money ready.

Are we going to go in? Brilliant!

Am I really that fat?

Well, they say that

time travel adds 20 pounds.

And you've travelled a lot.

- Are those two dead?

- What? What do you mean?

Are those two dead?

Oh, no, not yet.

Finally!

Are we ready, children?

- Come on!

- Get on with it!

Well, I never!

It's nuts.

I never would have

thought it was that.

So, do we just leave it here?

Yeah. Yeah, I assume someone

just finds it and it all goes from there.

I think, er...

I think I feel good about it.

You feel good about it, Tobe?

It was my idea.

My idea.

Our idea.

You might have come up with the seed,

but I watered it.

Yes, but without our seed

you have nothing.

Yeah, you got mud.

All right.

You can have a little bit of my island.

Screw that!

I don't want to live on your island.

Fine by me.

I need a piss.

- Yes, I'll go outside.

- Don't touch yourself.

Oh-ho. Yeah. Good times.

I want my own island.

Hi!

I was, er, hoping you'd come back.

Obviously not at that precise moment

but, erm, hey...

So, how long has it been for you

since we were last...

Oh, another six months.

I got a promotion.

Oh.

This time it's for real.

Yeah, it was for sorting all this out, so...

- You want to ask me if I read the whole manual.

- Thought never even crossed my mind.

Well, Ray, I am rewriting the manual.

Good for you.

So, erm,

you have a nice night tonight?

Oh, you know, just a quiet drink

with the boys in the pub.

Very dull.

- I did meet this one girl though.

- Really?

- She said she was from the future.

- What was she like?

She was just...

...awful.

- Oh!

- Oh, no, she was great. She was...

...great.

You know, I'd never thought I'd say it but...

it's good to be back in the present.

I don't know.

All this fuss over half an hour.

What are you talking about?

We went years in the future. Decades.

Oh? That's very funny.

Cassie, I'm deadly serious.

We went into the ladies' through a time leak.

It brought us to this pub

but in the future, way into the future.

You were searching for us. Millie and you

and all your lot. Causal Adjust!

- Causal Adjust is another name for the Editors.

- The who?

I told you about them.

They kill people at their finest hour!

- Millie is an Editor, Ray!

- Oh, sh*t!

She brought us back here!

Why would she do that?

Why do you think? To kill you!

Oh, no!

What do we do?

OK, well, I'm going to go get help.

- You just stay put.

- I've got to warn the boys!

- It's not safe in there!

- I can't just leave them!

Look, you bring help and I'll, er...

I'll do what I can.

Ray!

Please be careful.

Whoa!

- Guys, we're screwed!

- What?

Millie is an Editor.

- A what?

- An Editor.

Remember, they kill people at their

finest hour like... like Kevin Costner.

- This... This was ours.

- Come on. Let's get out of here.

No-no-no! Wait. There's no point.

They'll only find us,

some other time, some other place.

What do we do, Ray?

That's odd. I can't get a signal.

We burn this.

- What?

- We burn this.

- Without this they have no reason to kill us.

- You don't know we're in danger.

- Cassie said...

- I don't care what she said!

- Tobe, I saw this place full of bodies.

- Think about what you're throwing away.

If you burn that, we don't get rich,

we don't get famous.

We don't get dead!

I've come up with a lot of ideas,

a lot of sh*t ideas.

- Tobe!

- You laugh at them but...

I don't mind because I thought,

you know, if I keep going, then...

one day I'd come up

with something good.

What if this is it?

The one idea that makes it for me?

My one chance.

- Don't ruin it, Ray.

- It's not even your idea. I say we burn it.

- You've always hated my ideas!

- Are you even listening? It's not your idea!

Guys, guys! OK, guys.

We don't have time for this!

Just, Pete, give me the lighter.

Pete, what's up with this?

Two months in a wood trying to stay alive,

that's what's up.

OK. You keep trying.

I'm going to get some matches.

- Give me a go.

- No.

- Give me a go!

- No!

I'll be fine, just give me a go.

Excuse me.

- Hi!

- Hey! What's happening?

- We're on our own. I'm offline.

- What do you mean?

My time machine inside me,

it's blocked.

- Give me the letter. Just give it me.

- No! No way!

- Give me the f***ing letter, Pete!

- Not a chance!

And so you deny me three times.

That's why you were in the painting!

You're Judas!

Excuse me!

All I want is a box of matches.

What's your point?

In the Bible,

it's Peter who denies Jesus three times.

You fat twat!

Hey! That's enough, lads!

Bloody students!

Get off me, you bell-end!

This is it.

Hi!

I have seen the original before,

of course, but in a museum,

so to be here tonight with the

creators on the night it all began...

Whew! It's just such a rush.

But I am sorry to say,

tonight is as good as it gets.

You don't change or add to culture

in any meaningful way.

This is what you're always

gonna be remembered for,

so why not go out with a bang

rather than fade away?

Get away from him, you b*tch!

Hello! I'm sorry.

I'm pointing a rather large gun at you!

Er, yeah, which you got

from when exactly?

Centuries behind your time.

So, what is it?

What is it?

I'll tell you...

I'll tell you what it is.

It's a Mark IV Corbomite Assault Staff.

The Planetary Peace Corp's best friend.

It'll work in an absolute vacuum

and in absolute zero.

Cold fusion battery, good for 50 years.

It fires homing plasma orbs that will

cut through titanium plate four inches thick.

Really? Well...

You didn't, like, mention its range.

I'd hit you from here.

Now get off the big guy.

Millie.

I know what you're trying to do.

The future generations leading from

this room that wouldn't be born.

Chaos Theory on a massive scale...

Oh!

Cassie!

Right, that's it!

I'm calling the police...

Oh, stop it. F***ing stop it.

Everybody freeze!

- Ain't nobody going nowhere.

- Hey! Drop your weapons!

You see any weapons, Ray?

See, my time machine

has a built-in armament system.

So, to drop my weapons

would require about...

yeah, 12 hours of surgery.

You know what?

I think we're gonna

have a little stand-off here today.

Oh, unless of course, you're bluffing.

Unless, of course,

that is a plastic toy gun

you made for work, Ray.

Oh, pooh.

That's a nice try.

I messed up, Ray.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't worry about it.

All in all,

it's been a pretty good day.

I travelled through time.

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