Friends & Lovers Page #5

Ok, I know my way

around a kitchen.

No, no, just...

And clean up and

have some breakfast

before you take off for

the slopes, all right?

Ok, look, I know...

F***!

Come on.

You'll thank us later.

Where... where are you, dad?!

Richard:
in the kitchen.

Well, look at you. [Chuckles]

You've never been

more beautiful.

You're a prince among men.

Richard:
Ian!

Just let me... please.

We have to talk.

This passive-aggressive sh*t...

Ian, your father is gonna cook.

[Scoffs] like he can cook.

Excuse me, have you

seen the carnage?

What? I'll buy a new one.

I don't know... what

is the big deal?

Somebody could have lost an eye.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Do you want to talk? Ian...

I thought I would make you

something nice for breakfast.

Breakfast.

May I?

I want to just... whatever.

Hi. hey.

You know, uh...

[Clears throat]

We don't really have

time for breakfast, ok?

Yeah.

Lift lines are gonna be

3 hours long as it is,

so why don't we just go skiing?

We came to ski, and we'll, uh...

We can always talk later.

Lot to talk.

Let's get out of the kitchen,

and we'll go skiing.

Ok, we'll leave that.

Oh, my god.

Hans:
good morning, group.

What a very lucky and special

group of people you are,

because you will be

learning to ski

from hans. That is me.

What, you know him?

Sort of.

Hans:
I've been skiing since I

was knee-high to a grasshopper.

Now, I'm going to tell you

right off the bat

that I'm going

to teach you to ski

the way what I learned

how to ski myself,

what is the best way

in the world.

There are only 2 rules.

One is never leave the group,

and rule number 2 is

do exactly what I say

at all times when I say it.

Should I ask you

to skewer yourself

with your ski pole

in the genitals, you must.

It could save your life

later on at some point.

Should I even ask you perhaps,

no reason, out of left field,

to just take a little bite

of a snowball, you must.

It could save your life.

It is you. Carla: Yup.

Ca... car...

Carla. Carla.

Carla! I'm working with Carla!

Everyone else,

do not leave the group!

Do exactly what I say

when I say it at all times!

I'm going to give you

a private lesson.

Ok.

Do you know the expression

the bigger they are,

the harder they fall?

Ja. ja.

So, ok, give up to me

the tip of your pole.

Ja!

Everyone may now look.

You see Carla has fallen.

I now give her what is

known as a pole-up.

Oof!

That is...

Hmm?

Mein gott.

You are the goods.

Everyone can stop relaxing!

We have one natural

in the group!

The rest of you are probably

not even worth mentioning,

but we will continue anyway.

Watch me, 'cause

I'm king of the hill

Set me in motion,

yeah, you give me a thrill

When you come near me,

when you come near me

I can't keep still

till then,

I can't keep still

No, I just can't keep still

Be my baby, say you will...

Well, you're good,

Mr. wickham, damn good.

Richard. call me Richard, ok?

Now, where's Ian?

Oh, he's coming.

Is he all right?

He's fine. He's fine.

Well, then, shall we?

Don't you guys want

to wait for Ian?

Nah, let's go.

The heck with Ian.

Here we go.

See you below!

Losers.

Watch me coming in

for the kill

Gotta kiss those lips,

gotta have my fill

Make me shiver

feel those chills

do me till

I can't keep still...

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Ian? are you all right?

[Weak] I can't feel my legs.

I can't feel my legs.

I think I broke my back.

Oh, my god. Don't move.

Don't... move!

[Gasping] god. oh, god!

Oh, I see the light.

I see the light.

I see the light...

Medic! medic!

How's my face? How's my face?

I've always wanted

an open casket, seriously.

Oh, god! You know what?

I've had it with you

and your father

and this whole shitty weekend!

[Laughs]

Hey. hi!

You look good.

Yeah, I fall down really well.

So, uh, she's gettin'

a private lesson, huh?

Yeah, I fell in love

with a teacher once.

Yeah, and not since?

It's been a while.

Thank you. Ugh.

Ugh.

You all right?

So, uh...

There's some truth to the rumor?

Oh, I believe everything I hear.

You're still a virgin?

Excuse me?

Lisa said you're still a virgin.

[Sighs]

Well, you know, I mean, I've...

Kissed and stuff?

[Laughter] yeah.

David.

Look... i know it's silly,

but I really wanted

to wait for someone special.

I just never thought

it would take this long.

[Laughing]

So, wait. You...

You have never done

the dirty deed?

Well, how exactly would you

define that in my case?

Technically a virgin.

Spiritually... a whore.

[Laughs] ugh.

[Sighs]

Deva. do you know what this is?

What's this word? Deva?

Hmm... a singer?

[Laughs]

No. no.

Silly. deva is a ghost

what lives in the forest.

Sure.

It's... well, it's very subtle.

Only a trained eye

can actually see it.

The spirit ghost.

Mm-hmm.

My lord, deva. Right there.

Look there.

Follow the pole.

Follow the pole, you see?

You see the deva there?

What am I looking for?

Well, it's so subtle.

It's a mist.

It is a mist, a cohesion

of the energy of life.

[Sighs]

Mm-hmm.

It's... you can't see it.

I can't see it.

You can't see. It's clear.

It's so clear to me.

This is because...

Well, your chakras are blocked.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, mediation, meditation, is...

It's the only cure.

The penetration of the dirty,

rotten, clouded conscious mind

into the wet, dark,

vile, snapping turtle

of the subconscious. Plunging!

The plunging, plunging, plunging

over and over again,

you like this plunging?

[Giggles] I love

the way you talk.

Yes, well, at last, after all,

you have to find out

the meaning of life.

[Laughs]

Is it really such

a terrible thing

that I wanna mend

this relationship?

You're my son.

What do you want?

Isn't it obvious?

Ok, just... just say...

Say it, ok?

Just lay it out there.

Ok, I'm sorry. I really am.

I'm sorry, this...

This... this has...

This has been a mistake.

I... I see that now.

It's just...

I feel like I'm not

a good father

when you won't even talk to me.

See, I... I want us

to be able to be...

I want us to be speaking.

I wanna be able to...

For heaven's sakes, pick up

the phone and talk to you.

[Laughing]

Not a good father?

Well, you're...

You're not a good father.

You're not really

a father at all.

All right.

Thank you.

I know we have problems, Ian,

but I don't think this...

Where... where... just tell me,

where were you when it mattered?

I was working.

[Scoffs] come on, work.

What, you... you own

your own business.

You can take all

the time off in the world.

That's... that's...

That... that's...

That's true.

Well, what was it?

Is it other women?

Don't be ridiculous, Ian.

Ok. ok, not to hear it from mom.

Your mother never thought that.

I... you never loved me.

All right? You just say that.

You never loved me.

Right?

I mean, it's ok,

'cause, you know,

I've... I've accepted it,

but if you'd say it,

it would make things

a whole lot easier, you know?

You know, but this whole charade

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