Friends & Lovers Page #6

of you, like, you know,

wanting to be superdad

and, like, you know,

uh, summing up your life

and wanting to get a some gold star

fathering is a bunch of bullshit,

Ian. Ian. You know?

You know what? I'm... I'm... I'm

just gonna... I'm gonna go home,

if that's all right with you.

Of course you are.

You really don't have to.

I mean, I can call Jon.

Nooo.

He can come and get me.

No, don't call Jon.

Jon is unnecessary.

Ok. ok?

God, I'm so stiff.

I know.

You know, from skiing.

I didn't think it'd be...

Well, it's partially

spiritual, partially physical,

partially... allow me.

Oh.

[Chuckles]

I'm the kind of girl you marry.

Yes. yes.

I can respect this. No, I...

Get off me now.

Wha... well... I... komplick.

Do you know what this means?

Komplick?

Yes, komplick. no.

It means... it means the

person that you fall deeply,

passionately, wildly in love...

This is the first sighting.

Hmm.

Carla, this is what

has happened to me,

komplick with you. I am in

love with you. Komplick.

Oh, really? I swear.

Ok, well, maybe we could kiss.

Did you say komplick?

Yes, komplick.

Can you say komplick?

Yeah, certainly.

Oh! oh!

[Moaning]

[Horn honks]

Here I am

stuck in the middle,

don't you know

Here I am...

Jane:
now. David: Just stop.

Stuck in the middle...

No!

I thought we were gonna talk.

We can talk. The two of us.

Great. you two talk.

No. you're not

leaving this table

until you make up your mind.

Keaton, help me.

I am not gonna

let you ruin your life.

All you have to do is look

around the room and pick.

Pick what?

Anybody.

Pardon me if I chalk it up

to the hormonal psychosis

of the bun in your oven.

Hey! one day, you are

gonna wake up old,

and you're gonna

stare in the mirror

at a wrinkled, little face,

and you're gonna realize

your whole life is over,

and ya still

haven't got the balls

to walk across a room

and say hello.

First of all,

I've got great genes,

and second of all,

it's my life, right?

Pick. pick.

Keaton.

Pick.

Stuck in the middle

of it all...

The guy

at the refreshment stand.

Which guy?

The tall one

with the gray jacket.

Cool.

Ooh, he's gorgeous.

Now get over there.

Get over there and what?

Could he use

my modus operandi on a guy

like I do on a chick?

A chick?

A woman.

Look, guys,

this is ridiculous. I...

Shut up, David.

What's your m.O.?

Ask a woman something

about herself.

Then I shut up and

let her do the talking.

And that works? Every time.

See, the key here is to act

like you're really listening.

Oh, men are pigs.

And women are?

Pig lovers.

Now get over there,

ask him something,

shut up, and pretend

you're listening.

You think you can handle that?

What am I gonna ask him?

Ask him if he lifts.

Guys love that sh*t,

especially if they don't.

What's the worst thing

that can happen?

Um, he has 10 friends, and

they beat the sh*t outta me.

Uh, good point.

Thank you.

So we done with this?

No.

The maccarthys are here for you,

so get over there.

Go.

Go!

[Sighs]

I don't like the maccarthys.

If that you would

look my way

That would really

make my day

'Cause I'm too shy

yes, I'm too shy

since I saw you

sitting there

Can't do anything but stare

'Cause I'm too shy...

Excuse me.

Yes, I'm too shy

so I've got to get my...

He's not interested.

Yes, he is.

No, I'm not going.

Come on.

Come on, you're gonna lose him.

When I'm standin' there

do you, baby...

Where's he going?

He's leaving. Accept it. I have.

No, hurry.

Oh, good Christ,

he's going into the men's room.

Perfect. perfect.

Go. perfect. perfect?

Wait a minute.

You want me to go into

a public men's room

and say to a guy I've

never met, "do you lift?"

Oh, ok. How 'bout nice jacket?

Take a peek at his package.

He'll get the idea. Yeah.

Then what, blow him

in one of the stalls?

Yeah, that's a start.

I hate you.

Now what?

Wait till he finishes

and, um, get him at the sinks.

You, uh, play chess?

I'm totally addicted, dude.

Yeah, me, too.

Although I don't get much

of a chance to play these days.

Can't find good competition.

Oh, really? You're that good?

Oh, I decimate the computer.

Me, too.

Really?

Well, listen, uh,

some friends and I

are staying at a chalet,

and they, uh, happen

to have a chessboard.

Wherever, whenever, dude.

David.

Manny.

Great.

What about your friend peein'?

David:
oh.

Damn it!

Nice drivin', fancy boy.

F*** you, fella.

Ian:
no, f*** you, ok?

Jon:
uh-huh.

Ian:
oh, great.

Ian, you're not

leaving, are you?

Wait.

Jon:
if there's

any damage, mister...

Lisa:
Jane, careful of the baby.

What is with

these people? Come on!

Jon:
some gratitude

you got there.

Jane:
I'm not getting out.

Keaton:
Jane...

Wait a second!

British matchbox compared

to my German technology.

Keaton:
what did

you do now, Jon?

I'll drop you off

whenever you want.

All right, suit yourself.

You just don't get it,

do you, Ian?

Well, maybe no one's

explaining it right.

It doesn't matter

how anyone explains it.

His coming here

is still a loving act.

Why don't you get that?

You don't know my father.

I don't know your dad,

but I do know that

fathering a child is one thing

and being a father,

that's another.

He's reaching out to you.

You don't know

how lucky you are.

[Scoffs] lucky?

[Scoffs] ok.

I know it seems like he cares,

but the guy was never there.

[Chuckles]

Even if he does mean it,

what difference does it make?

It's too late.

Oh, well...

Hold on to that. That's good.

[Laughs]

What do you mean?

Oh, 'cause you're...

You're really teachin' him

a lesson, aren't ya?

God, Ian, you're f***in' up.

[Sighs]

My life.

My fuckup.

Yeah.

[Telephone ringing]

Hello?

Richard, my flight's

been delayed.

Oh. oh.

Ok, well, uh, let me know

what time you're coming,

and I'll come and pick you up.

No, no, no. Honey, I think

I'm just gonna rent a car.

There's no telling

what time I'd get in

until this damn plane takes off.

Are you ok? You

sound, I don't know...

No, it's...

It's nothing. I'm just...

Trying to keep up with the kids.

You told him. He took it badly.

[Sighs]

He's so angry.

He's very, very, very angry.

God, he hates the whole idea?

No, no. I... I didn't...

I didn't tell him.

Richard, you had better

tell him before I get there.

Please, honey, you promised.

I just don't want us

to ambush him, ok?

Ok?

[Sighs]

I'll tell him when he gets back.

Ok, please.

And I love you.

[Kiss]

Jon:
slowly, Keaton!

David:
yep. Whoa.

Manny:
great.

David:
whoa.

Hey. we need to talk.

Ok.

Let's talk.

Alone? yeah.

Ok.

David:
see ya later

at the house!

I need to tell you something...

Something I've never

told anyone.

Go on.

I had this parakeet

named gertie.

What color?

Blue. why?

Just checking.

Did you really have a parakeet?

Keaton, I'm trying

to trust you with something

that means a lot to me.

Do you wanna hear this or not?

I do. I do. I'm sorry.

Ok. anyway,

I had this blue parakeet...

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