Friends and Family Page #3

make you this blouse?

Um...

no, no, he bought it.

In a store.

Mommy!

Mary, it's time to go home.

Ciao bella.

Ah!

Don't worry about Vito

and Frankie, Stella.

Before I die,

they'll be ready

to take their place

in the business.

Stop talking

about dying, Papa.

You see how upset

it makes Stephen and Danny.

Besides, I've got something

I want to tell you.

Mommy?

Yes, sweetie?

How come Uncle Danny

and Uncle Stephen live together?

Well, because

they love each other

like Mommy and Daddy love

each other.

Which one's the mommy,

and which one's the daddy?

I'll have to get back to you

on that one, honey.

Jenny.

Engaged?

That's not a Sicilian name.

Papa, this is one of the reasons

I didn't want to tell you.

He isn't Sicilian.

He isn't Italian.

He's not even Catholic.

He's an Episcopalian,

and he comes from Wisconsin.

Not Sicilian?

You never even

mentioned him.

We both decided

not to tell our parents

until we were engaged.

Not Italian?

What does he do,

this Damon?

He's an editor

at Random House.

What's Episcopalian?

Protestant, Stella.

He's not Catholic?

Jenny, engaged?

And what does his family do?

They're good people.

From the heartland.

Soldiers!

The planning stage

is finally over.

The great day

is finally upon us.

It is time to take action.

Sons and daughters

of the colonists

must rise up, rise up!

Sit down, Matt.

The second

American revolution

will start in the city

of bankers

and lawyers and fleshpots

and sex clubs.

They don't stand a chance!

Hello.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Mom.

What?

I said, "Hi, Mom. "

You have to speak louder,;

it's very noisy here.

Sorry.

What is all that noise?

That's why I'm calling.

Your father and I have decided

to surprise you.

What?

Well, let me

put it this way:

we're cruising comfortably

at-what is it, Jack?

Mom, are you on a plane?

Guess where

we're headed?

Where?

It's your father's birthday

Saturday,

so since he hasn't seen you

in such a long time,

we decided the perfect gift

would be a trip to New York

to visit you and Danny.

Can you pick us up

at the airport?

The John F. Kennedy

airport at 2:
30.

You know how nervous I am

about New York,

and to have to get

into a taxi-

Stephen?

I'm still here, Mom.

One more question.

Do you have any jobs

Saturday?

Jobs?

Catering jobs.

Uh, no.

Since it's

your father's birthday,

wouldn't it be nice

to give him a big dinner party?

You know,

invite all your friends.

That way, we can meet them

and the people

who work for you.

People who work for us?

The cooks and bakers.

You know, the whole company.

Plus your father and I

will get a chance

to sample your cooking.

We're going to be so proud.

Mom?

I don't think

this is such a great idea,

a whole big dinner like that.

Don't be silly;

it'll be just the thing.

Your father's very excited

about it.

Aren't you, dear?

He's very excited.

I still do not understand.

What is the problem?

Bruno, my parents don't know

about us.

What, that you two

are a couple?

They think you share

the same apartment

and you don't sleep

together?

Oh, Stephen.

Your mother's

a grown woman.

Don't be ridiculous;

they know that.

They don't know

what we do.

Oh, they think we run

a catering business.

A catering business,

how can that be?

You can't even cook.

I keep hearing that.

If you hadn't agreed

to the birthday party,

you'd have nothing

to worry about.

Do you have any idea

how many weapons we have

in our house?

Don't take them in the rooms

where you keep the stuff.

It's all the rooms.

Can't you put it all

in one place for a few days?

That's what

the Branch Davidians did.

You think if they stayed

in a hotel-

They are not staying

in a hotel.

Would you just listen

to me?

You can hide

the weapons.

You do it every time

the police come by.

You can do it now.

So what about the dinner?

Do what Mickey and Judy

would have done.

Mickey?

Rooney.

Judy?

Garland.

Mickey and Judy?

Miss Garland to you.

Mickey and Judy

were never-

What did they do

when they were in any fix?

A surefire solution

to all of life's problems.

They put on a show.

Aw.

Stephen, a big, elaborate

ruse like this,

it's just going to dig us

deeper and deeper.

Danny, there's something

you don't know.

It's about my father.

The FBl.

The FBl?

I thought he was

a carpet salesman.

That's what

he tells people.

He's undercover,

deep cover.

Spies, assassinations,

I don't know.

But, Stephen, the FBl?

What will people say?

Now you see why

we can't-

He's not

a carpet salesman.

All this time.

We can't let him know.

We talked

about carpeting together.

He'd have to turn us in.

Color schemes.

He'd be consorting

with known criminals.

Swatches.

We'd go to jail.

I thought he'd help us

recarpet the living room.

Are you hearing

one word I'm saying?

You lived with this

all this time.

Why didn't you tell me?

He made me swear.

Even my mother doesn't know.

He only told me 'cause I found

an Uzi hidden in the cellar.

TR-6 from '81

with a repeating device.

Cool.

I didn't believe him

at first,

so he showed me

around the headquarters,

which was outstanding.

You should see

the stuff they have.

Cool; I still can't believe

you didn't tell me.

Danny, I couldn't.

I told you-

I told you about-

What could you possibly

have told me about

that is any way comparable

to this.

You know.

That you had a girlfriend

in college?

Well, that and-

The two of you had sex?

Danny, Danny, if my father

finds out about us,

he'd have to turn us in.

Except you know he wouldn't;

he'd turn in

his own badge first.

Well, we can't let him

do that.

Poor old guy.

Well, we'd have to quit

the family,

I mean really quit for good.

And you know what.

It'd break

the Padrone's heart.

Without the family

behind us-

We've stepped

on so many toes.

Now those people

are afraid of us,

but if we ever leave

the family...

our lives wouldn't be worth

a stick of gum, Danny.

Not a stick of gum.

Well, he has to be told.

We can't let him find out

some other way.

Do you want me

to tell him?

Yes.

Okay, first of all,

make sure he understands-

Papa!

Stephen and Danny

have something

they want to tell you.

I'll get right to the point, Padrone.

It's about my-my parents.

Yes, how are they, Stephen?

Good, good,

they're good.

You know, I'd like to meet them.

When do you think

that'll happen?

Soon.

The thing is, Padrone,

I haven't been totally honest

with them.

Not honest?

You might even say

I've lied to them

about certain aspects

of my life.

My intentions were good,

and I think

I had good reason,

but the fact remains

that I lied.

And I now know,

I truly believe

that this was wrong.

Stephen, I know

what you're getting at.

And I want you to know

that although I think,

you know, as a rule,

children should never lie

to their parents,

I can understand

what you did.

Really, Padrone?

You know, I, of course,

am very comfortable with

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