Friends and Family Page #4

your and Danny's relationship.

But then I'm

a sophisticated man.

I live in a big city,

whereas they're from...

Indiana. Um-

Your parents may need time.

Maybe they need

to meet Danny

and see what a wonderful thing

you have together.

To tell you the truth-

Do you think it would help

if I spoke to them?

Padrone...

I haven't told them

about all of this.

I haven't told them

about you.

He's hurt.

His feelings are hurt.

He understood.

If not, he wouldn't

have okayed our plan.

"Our" plan?

Jenny, you should-

Stephen.

You spend all your time

taking care of us.

Now it's time for us

to help you for a change.

It's just, I've never

disappointed them before.

It's hard.

Pardon me.

But you make

a beautiful couple.

Thank you.

Wish we didn't have

to strip down like this.

They're going to want

to hug us.

I feel naked.

I've already said you could

bring your brass knuckles.

Want to take your ankle piece?

Take your ankle piece.

I think

you missed one, dear.

What?

Oh, yeah.

Remember, Matt, every weapon

we leave behind

gives us one less weapon

to fight the enemy.

Yeah.

Now, remember,

it's Don Patrizzi,

not "mister. "

There's nothing

to worry about.

If you want to worry,

then worry about meeting

and Stephen and Danny.

Why, you think they'll make

a pass at me?

No.

But they will kill you

if they think

you're not treating me right.

I thought we could go

to the hotel first

and drop off the bags.

Hotel?

Mom, you're staying here.

Oh, we don't want you

to feel cramped.

We're not going

to feel cramped.

There's plenty

of room.

How much room can there be

in an apartment?

It's not

an apartment, Mom.

We have the whole house.

Oh, pardon me.

My!

Look at this.

All this

from catering?

The funny thing is,

I didn't know Stephen knew

how to cook.

Look at these ceilings.

It's going to be hard to go back

to our place, Jack, after this.

It'll seem so small.

Look at these floors.

Oh, and those windows!

How do you keep the place warm

in the winter?

Well, I guess

when you're young-

Oh, look at you!

Oh, what a sweetheart.

Oh, do they really

make you run

up and and down

all these stairs?

No wonder

you're so skinny.

My god!

How many soaps and lotions

do you need

to wash yourself

every day?

Well, you know,

there's different products

for day and evening.

You know, dry weather,

rainy weather.

Sometimes your hair

just gets oily

for no reason at all, and-

You mean to tell me

your hair needs both

rosemary mint equalizing

conditioning rinse

and freeze and shine

super spray?

And what is this word,

"jo-jo-ba"?

Jojoba.

How do you keep track

of all of this?

Oh, it's alphabetized.

Alphabetized?

Well, so it is.

Jack, did you hear?

It's alphabetized.

I heard.

Please get up.

Oh, yes.

I haven't seen

any closets.

Ah...

My god!

You have more clothes

than I do,

and I'm a woman.

Men can have a lot

of clothes too, Mom.

So I see.

And, you know,

Stephen's an autumn,

and I'm a spring, so we really

can't share anything.

They used to have

dance marathons here

in the '30s.

My father closed it up

years ago.

I haven't been here

since I was a little girl.

Wow, look at this.

These moldings, the columns.

The chandelier!

Is there anyplace else,

Jenny?

A better place than this

for your banquet?

You're kidding,

right?

Well, it looks like

it could use a little work.

Well, we'll hire

a decorator

to spruce it up.

We'll get a professional chef.

The place has a great kitchen.

And how's this?

We'll get the guys

to serve the dinner.

You really think

they'd do that?

Stephen, trust me.

They love you.

They don't just work

for you,;

they would die for you.

They'll certainly do this

for you.

No way!

I don't think so.

All right, all right, enough.

And after all

that Stephen and Danny have done for you.

Eddie, who talked

to your son's football coach

when he wasn't letting

your son play enough?

Stephen and Danny.

How often

does your son play now?

Every game.

What?

Every game.

And Leo.

Who made

your daughter's boyfriend

leave town and never come back?

Stephen and Danny.

Who?

Stephen and Danny.

Mm-hmm.

And you, Chuck.

Remember when that casino

wouldn't give you credit

anymore?

Who went and had a pow-wow

with the chief?

Stephen and Danny.

How much credit

do they give you now?

How much?

And may God forgive you all

for not saying "yes" right away.

You know, it's not

the cooking part

that bothers me.

It's making believe we're gay.

Gay?

Why gay?

Come on, a catering company

in Manhattan

run by two gay guys?

Stephen and Danny run

the family.

We're not gay.

Yeah,

but we're soldiers.

Here, we're talking

about pastry chefs.

I can't do gay.

I think I could pull it off.

How am I supposed to do gay?

Act like Stephen and Danny.

They act like the rest of us.

Well, they dress nicer.

They dance

a little different too.

They're cuter.

I don't want

to take any chances.

Jenny's mad enough

at us already.

We're not going to take

any chances.

We need an expert.

What?

I think I know someone.

For those of you

who haven't yet been acquainted,

this is Mr. Grayson.

Good friend

of Stephen and Danny's.

Some of youse may have

seen him around the club.

Well, I think I've met

some of you there.

Well, Ray I remember,

of course.

And, let's see.

You were there.

And you were there.

And you were there too.

Judy Garland.

The Wizard of Oz.

We've got a lot

of work to do.

Jenny.

What is he doing here?

You said you'd get

a professional chef.

Vito's a chef.

Did it ever occur to you

to stop being

my father's slave

and actually think

for a minute?

To my father,

everything you touch

turns to gold.

If he sees Vito

pull this off,

see Vito save the day

for you and Danny,

he'll look at him

differently.

Maybe he'll actually start

to respect him a little.

Would that be

so bad?

We're not doing this

to your father, Jenny.

You'd be helping him.

Will you at least think

about it?

Okay.

Vito, did you hear?

Stephen says it's okay!

And Frankie will do up

the room.

Frankie!

What?

Frankie, get in here!

Frankie.

What are you doing here?

Nothin'.

We're having a big party

for 50 people,

and you're going

to decorate it.

You mean choose

the color scheme,

the fabrics,

everything?

Choose?

We want you

to make them.

Don't mess in my brain,

Jenny.

No.

Vito, is this true?

And I am cooking.

You're-

Yeah!

It's good.

It's good.

Let's start with the basics.

Now, it's very important

that you call feel

some connection to gay history.

Mr. Elton John.

Miss Ellen DeGeneres.

Miss J. Edgar Hoover.

Some 17th-century queen.

Shirley Booth as Hazel.

Last but by no means least,

Wishbone.

Maybe if you had come

to me first.

It is my sons

we're talking about.

Papa, be reasonable.

Jenny, you heard

your father.

As if they would even

have time.

Vito will probably

be out

doing a contract

on someone,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes