Friends and Family Page #6

What-

Hmm?

Oh!

Those people.

Well, that is-

That's our church group.

They wanted

to see New York,

and they were afraid

they would get lost,

so they followed us here.

And-not to worry.

They're staying

in a hotel.

Well, hi!

Okay.

Who was she married to

in March 1953?

Michael Wilding.

November 1975?

Richard Burton.

First marriage

or second?

Second?

Very good.

January 1952.

Nicky Hilton.

How could she be married

to Nicky Hilton in 1952

when she divorced him

in 1951?

She wasn't married

to anybody.

She was

in between husbands.

Right.

Come on, Grayson.

That's a trick question.

That's not a trick question;

that's basic material.

The dinner is tomorrow.

Now, pull yourselves

together!

So when do we get

to meet her?

Soon.

I didn't want to do

too much at once.

Oh, well, honey,

don't worry about us.

We want to see

all the sights.

You know, Wall Street,

Empire State Building,

City Hall.

All those big, beautiful

government buildings.

Especially

the government buildings.

Because we love

the government.

Do mi mi.

Mi so so.

Re fa fa.

La ti ti.

Do mi mi.

Mi so so.

Re fa fa.

So, anyway, a friend of mine

invited me to one

of her Straight Women Loving

Other Straight Women meetings.

Cheryl!

What?

Cheryl.

What?

Straight Women Loving

Other Straight Women.

What the hell is that?

Like us announcing

we're straight men

that love

other straight men?

But you and Stephen are gay.

I mean, this is straight women

who love other straight women.

Okay.

At least it gets me out

of the house.

You'll get out tomorrow

for our dinner, right?

Of course.

How are the preparations coming?

Perfect.

You can sing

most anything.

Do re mi fa so

la ti do.

So do.

Oh, you won't be imposing.

Of course you'll come.

I don't even have

anything to wear.

Yeah, sure you do, dear.

Remember, you brought that dress

for the victory celebration.

Ooh.

You know, now

that he mentions it,

I do have

a little something.

Oh, good.

And I can introduce you

to Senator Bloomer.

Senator Bloomer?

From New York.

A United States

senator?

Uh-huh.

Tell me, is he

an important senator?

And he's coming

to your dinner?

He's a friend

of my father's.

What does your father do again?

He's in catering

He's a businessman.

Sorry?

What?

He's in the catering

business.

It's his company

that's catering

the dinner.

Oh, there's one thing.

This employee

of my father's

whose parents are going

to be there

told them that it's

actually his company,

so if you meet them,

don't let on, okay?

Okay.

Can you keep a secret?

Oh, I think we can.

I can't stand the idea

of leaving him alone all night.

Honey, we'll be back

in a few hours.

Jack, look at him.

How would you like it

if I left you alone

for hours with nothing

but a bowl of dog food?

Ada, he's a dog.

Come on.

Oh, God, I can't believe it.

I thought

you'd seen it already.

Yeah, but not like this.

Where's Frankie?

We've been looking

all over for him.

Oh, he couldn't handle it;

he was too nervous.

I told him

I'd call him later

and tell him

how everything looks.

Hi.

Those are Victor Patrizzi's

gay lieutenants.

If they ask you for anything,

the answer is "no. "

Tim, look.

We're here.

You may not like it.

I may not

like it much either.

But we're here,

and I intend

to have a good time.

So relax.

Oh!

It's beautiful.

Did you ever have

such a birthday party

in your life,

Jack?

And look at all of you.

I always say everyone

looks better in black tie.

You need something.

A carnation.

There should be a tray

of carnations

right here so all the men

could have one.

Wouldn't that make everything

even prettier?

She wants carnations.

Find some.

Find some carnations.

Roger that.

Oh, Damon, dear,

you look so handsome.

And Jenny.

What a pretty dress.

Stephen, Danny, these

are Damon's parents.

How do you do?

Stephen, Danny,

nice to meet you.

So, is that senator here?

Yeah.

He's right over there.

Would you like

to meet him?

Uh, no.

No, I just-I wanted

to know where he was.

Right.

Shall we?

Nice to meet you.

What do you think

you're doing?

Do you want

to give us all away?

Thank you.

Mom, Dad.

I just wanted

to introduce you

to Don-Mr. Patrizzi.

Donald.

It's a pleasure.

Do you work for my son?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

But Donald is a very

distinguished member

of the culinary community.

And we're very honored

to have him

on our staff.

Well, I can tell

you've made

an excellent impression

on my son, Donald.

It always helps

to get in good with the boss.

Oh!

You do have carnations.

Red? White?

What are the whites?

We have Mont Monet,

and we also have Mont Blanc.

No California whites?

I just love

California whites.

Whichever.

Find some California whites.

So there are 18 seconds to go.

Shaq gets the ball,

drives the-

Ooh!

I love

basketball.

Yeah? Good, so do I.

My favorite player

was Dennis Rodman.

Oh, Denn-is Rod-man.

Love to get my balls

in his basket.

Sammy.

Is something

the matter?

I'm fine.

But it looks like somebody

around here needs

to lose

a little 'tude.

What's going on?

Is your tiara on

crooked again?

This is delicious.

What do you call this?

Yes, Stephen.

What is it?

What is the appetizer?

A California white!

Oh.

Spinach Orloff veloute.

The appetizer.

It's spinach Orloff veloute.

Oh.

Well, it's lovely.

Fish... or veal, sir?

I don't know;

you choose.

What?

You decide what to give me.

Oh, I know what I'd like

to give you.

But it isn't on the menu.

Eddie.

Eddie!

What are you doing?

What do you mean?

I mean

what are you doing?

Fish or veal, ma'am?

Oh.

I hate making these decisions.

Oh, I know.

I mean, I like Judy.

But I like Liza too.

Why should I have

to choose?

Fish.

Oh, get over it, Mary.

Huh?

Nice.

I know you inside out.

No doubt what you're about.

You can't surprise me,

so why try?

Play any trick or ruse.

I'm quick

to pick up clues.

You can't

surprise me.

You know

I know each wish

in your heart, each joy

in your smile,

each hurt behind each tear.

whether you're far

or near,

I know...

Isn't he wonderful?

She.

Oh, you call them "she. "

I call all women "she. "

She's a woman?

I thought

she was a drag queen.

You know, a man dressed

like a woman.

I know what

a drag queen is, Mom.

Are we going

to see any?

I mean, just plain old women,

I can see in Indiana.

Oh, well.

Maybe next time.

Find some drag queens.

... how surprisingly much

you love me.

Drag queens?

Where are we going

to find drag queens?

Greenwich Village.

Everybody knows that.

Danny and I would like

to thank you all

for coming tonight.

And I want most of all

to toast

the birthday boy-person.

The best father that ever lived,

my father,

who made us promise not

to sing him Happy Birthday.

But in his honor,

Vito has-

has helped

Danny and me bake him a cake.

To my father.

Buon compleanno.

Buon

compleanno.

Ooh, excuse me.

Do you where we could find

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes