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Friends and Family Page #7
Come on.
Excuse me.
some drag queens?
Girlfriend,
if you have to ask.
I have never seen
such a gorgeous cake.
How did you-
uh, uh, uh,
you, I mean
all of you.
Oh, my God!
Look at what I've done.
I've ruined
your beautifuI cake.
Don't worry, Mama.
Don't worry.
But it was a work
of art.
It was perfect.
Then you did
the right thing.
We don't want
to offend the gods.
In ancient Persia,
whenever an artist
created something,
on purpose, because
only the gods are supposed
to be perfect.
And so, today,
we introduce a flaw
into something
that otherwise would be perfect,
and we say it is
so as not to offend the gods.
Mr. Torcelli, a speech.
I'm going to go home
and change this dress.
Okay, sweetheart.
Just a few words.
I'm not prepared for this.
Go ask him.
No,
you go ask him.
Come on, Leo.
No,
you ask him.
Can I help you, sir?
Yeah, any drag queens
around here?
Sure.
There's a place
two blocks down.
It's called
Jacqueline's.
You can't miss it.
You have a good time,
all right?
Right.
To be honest, nothing
for tonight.
It's been quite an evening,
and I'll remember it
for as long as-
Don't move!
Put your hands up!
Hands up!
Mom?
Dad?
What's going on?
You too, Damon, honey.
Put your hands up!
Mrs. Jennings.
Now, let's not have
any trouble here.
Now, just put
the gun down.
Don't take another step!
I will shoot;
I swear it.
Nobody's going
to shoot anybody.
We all know that.
Right, Damon?
Right.
Okay, see?
No guns.
Now, why don't you just take
the two of us
and let everyone else go.
Eat sh*t.
Mother!
She never used language
like that at home.
Cuff those two.
Sorry, dear.
Are you done yet, dear?
Yes, yes, dear.
Thank you.
You are all prisoners of war
in the second war
for American independence!
Our goaI is to liberate
our country
from the occupying
federaI army,
of which that man...
is a high-ranking officer.
While in our custody,
you will be treated humanely
in accordance with the laws
of the Geneva Convention.
In the meantime...
we will submit
a list of our demands
to your government.
Now, do you see
what we had to do
to these two?
That's because
they're troublemakers.
Anybody else here
a troublemaker?
Anybody else
need to be handcuffed?
Okay, men!
Round 'em up!
Herd 'em in!
Just like the pigs
and heifers at home.
Let's go.
a gun?
Catering business,
very competitive.
What about the guys
in the kitchen?
Do you think-
Will you stop that?
Stop it!
Hands up, ladies,
let's go.
All right, move it!
Move it!
Come on, Matt.
Come on..
I want you
Check out the video room.
Make sure it's ready.
Now, just settle down.
Settle down,
nice and easy.
Nice and easy.
That's good.
What the hell kind
of party is this?
Oh!
Stephen, drag queens.
Who are they?
Bunch of big, ugly women.
They all just showed up.
You owe us big-time, white boys.
Come on, girls!
Come on.
Hey, hey,
what are you doing?
Take it easy, Martin.
Did you arrange
for there to be drag queens?
Uh-uh.
Don't look at me.
Is the video ready?
Okay, then.
Upsy daisy,
Senator.
Let's skedaddle.
Just follow me.
Keep an eye on him!
Great.
They have the senator.
Now what do we do?
God, this is worse
than a government party.
Would you watch
what you're doing?
I'm walking as fast as I can
in these things.
I'm not used to cleats.
What is your name?
Richard, be quiet.
These guys
are serious.
Oh, they think they're all that,
but they're all just cretins.
Do you hear me? Cretins!
Richard, you need-
I need?
I need?
It's they
who need something.
It starts with "p"
and ends with "rozac. "
Shh!
Oh.
Great party.
Richard, even if
our dinner hadn't-
why did you teach our men
to act...
Queenie.
Queenie.
Queenie?
Queenie!
Gods!
The internalized homophobia
is so toxic.
It really isn't healthy.
I, at least,
have some pride in myself.
I have dignity.
It's the costume I wore
to the party.
I didn't change
because I rushed over here.
I didn't want to miss
one fun-filled minute.
Look what I won at the raffle.
They're autographed
by all the Yankees.
Jealous.
When I think
of that poor dog all alone,
wondering what's
taking us so long,
he must be in agony.
Damon?
How long
have your parents been leaders
in the militia community?
Don Patrizzi, I don't know
what's wrong with them.
Whatever it is, it happened
after I moved away.
They used to be
the nicest, sweetest people.
I mean, when
asked them to take me,
they said "yes" right away.
The what Rescue League?
Sicilian.
You know, from Sicily.
there in the big earthquake
when I was two,
and the League brought me here.
I wasn't supposed
to tell you that.
Jenny?
Remember that...
thing I wasn't supposed to talk
to your parents about?
So...
you're Sicilian.
What do you think
about what Richard said?
You think we have
internalized homophobia?
I don't know.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe
I need to do this kind of work,
something really tough,
you know, really manly
to almost make up for being gay.
What about you?
It was something we did
together.
I saw how much you liked it,
how happy you were.
I'm so sorry, Danny.
Why, Stephen?
Why?
If not for me,
everything would be different.
Stephen, I'm happy.
I'm with you.
Come on;
listen to me.
I'm happy.
Here he is!
So the canary sang.
Here's your Benedict Arnold
of the federal occupying army.
There you go.
Cover him, boys.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
What'd they make you do
in there?
They made me read
this statement,
and they videotaped it.
They're going to send it
to the police.
Did I tell you
no talking?
Get up!
Get over there.
Just get over there!
You know, once the police
get that tape,
there'll be 500 cops
all over this place.
That's 500 fingers
on 500 triggers.
All we need
is one rookie to panic.
Let's end this.
and said,
"Just because
somebody's dead
doesn't mean
they've changed. "
Mmm.
Richard, we need
your balls.
I've wanted this for years,
and now you ask me?
Just give me
the baseballs.
I've only got one left.
I gave the other one away.
Who'd you give it to?
Him.
The senator's aide.
Do you think he's cute?
You're cruising
during a hostage situation?
What is the matter
with you?
The really hot one
is the one right there,
baby.
Buns of steel.
Bruno.
What?
We could all die tonight.
If they want to kill me,
they're going to have
to rape me first.
Something big is going down.
what it is.
Saffron, go find out.
I don't want to go over there
and get all disrespected.
What if he don't want
to tell me?
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"Friends and Family" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/friends_and_family_8611>.
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