Friends With Benefits Page #10

Well, that's more than

anybody else you've dated.

I don't know, you think maybe I keep

my worlds apart for some crazy reason?

I am an a**hole.

We're looking for someone

to lead the redesign of our entire website.

Someone to turn it completely upside down.

But you can't tell me

what company you work for?

For confidentiality reasons, no.

Can you give me a hint?

We may or may not be the largest seller

of purchased goods on the Internet.

And by 'purchased goods, I mean books.

You just placed the new art director

over at GQ, right?

Yeah.

That's the type of guy we want.

Shoot, that's the guy we want.

Can you get him to come out to us?

No longer have a relationship with him.

- Can you get to him?

- He's still in the first year of his contract,

so that would be inappropriate.

So is paying full price

for a book at Barnes & Noble,

but people do dumb sh*t.

Hi, you've reached Jamie Rellis.

I can't pick up the phone right now

but please leave a message

and I'll call you back.

Wow, right to voice mail. Didn't even ring.

Jamie.

How'd you know I was up here?

Only place in the city

you don't get reception.

Right.

- Why are you avoiding me?

- I'm not.

Really? Come on, Jamie.

Well, Dylan, I don't know if you've heard,

but I am seriously f***ed up.

I mean, Magnum P.I. couldn't solve

the sh*t going on up here.

- Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

- But I'm just gonna go

and try to fix the sh*t going on up

in my head, if that's even possible.

I shouldn't have said that.

I was just trying to get my sister off my back.

- She thought we liked each other.

- Yeah, me, too, Dylan.

I thought we were friends.

But friends don't go

talking sh*t about each other,

which must mean that you and I

were actually never friends.

- That all you wanted was to get in my pants.

- What?

You jumped at the chance

at your dad's house.

You cracked your neck.

I thought you were giving me a sign.

We talked about this.

Oh, my God, really?

You pulled my robe off.

"Oopsy." Remember?

Yeah. And then you snuck out of the room.

"Oopsy." Remember that?

Are you pissed off at me

because I didn't cuddle?

Isn't that why we started

this whole arrangement in the first place?

You wanted this.

I wanted this?

Just me?

God, you are just like every other guy.

The sad thing is, Dylan,

I actually thought you were different.

Different from what?

I'm not your boyfriend, I'm your friend.

Well, with friends like you,

who needs friends?

And thank you for ruining my mountaintop.

A**hole.

Hey, man, you can't be up here.

Okay.

- You okay?

- I'm fine.

Bryce, is this for me?

Yeah. And so is this.

Madison, will you many me?

You bet your ass, Flapjack!

- I love New York.

- I love you.

Oh, my God.

Look, the Empire State Building.

Wow.

Oh, look, the Statue of Liberty.

Hello, this is Jamie.

What do you mean they went to him directly?

Well, is he gonna take it?

No, no, no, no, no. I'll handle it.

I'll call him right now.

Okay.

Hey this is Dylan. Leave a message.

Excuse me. May I help you?

Oh, hi. Where's Dylan Harper?

He's at a photo shoot for the sports issue.

That's right. The photo shoot.

Where was that again?

I'm sorry. Who are you?

One of the models.

I have the perfect body for Photoshop.

Yeah, this gets more angular,

these get longer,

and this gets way more Christian.

So where did you say he was again?

Sports is the last chance we have

of bringing our world together, bro.

So I just wanted to shoot some photos

that speak to that,

to the unification of all people

through sports.

Okay, guys. Let's go.

That's it.

Beautiful.

Okay, now put your arms around each other,

like you like each other,

like you love each other.

- Too gay?

- A little bit.

Throw some girls in there.

Come on, ladies. Hop to.

Girls, girls. Okay, look. Just blend in.

Okay, let's go boy, girl, boy...

- Dylan.

- ...boy, boy, boy, boys.

- What are you doing here?

- You met for another job!

- What, are you gonna leave now?

- I don't know. Yeah, I took one meeting.

- I can't believe you.

- Come here.

- Is this your way of getting back at me?

- What?

You know that if you leave

before a year is up, I get screwed.

Oh, right.

If I did leave,

which I don't know yet

because all I did was take one meeting,

I'd write you a check for your bonus.

Whatever it is, I'll pay for it.

Happy now? We good?

- Why didn't you tell me you were looking?

- That's personal.

And we're not friends any more.

You made that pretty clear.

See, all I wanted to do

was have sex with you. Remember?

Pretend you were the best

friend I'd ever had.

Open up to you

like I've never done with anyone ever.

And then when the sex stopped,

invite you to LA for the weekend

to introduce you to my family.

- I'll send you a check if I take the job.

- Don't bother.

Why don't you pick him up?

Yeah. Just pick him on up.

Oh, you little Christ figure, you!

- Hey, Dyl.

- Dad's coming into Newark Airport, right?

Yeah, he leaves at 9:00 our time.

three-hour time difference,

so he gets in at 321007

Right. How is Dad?

He's lost more often than not now.

But then he has these moments

of real clarity. It's hit or miss.

- Okay.

- How's Jamie?

- That's over.

- Oh, Dylan!

- Okay, we're done.

- Don't be an idiot, please.

Thank you, Annie.

I'll pick up Dad tomorrow at the airport.

- 32:
00 sharp.

- I love you.

I don't know what it is.

I just can't get myself

to start looking for a replacement for him,

assuming that he leaves.

- Do you want some motherly love advice?

- Not really.

Oh, good, 'cause I don't know

how to do that.

What I do know is that

it's no great goddamn secret

you live in fear of repeating my mistakes.

And you're not wrong, so learn from me.

Do you know how many men in my life

I thought were really perfect?

- Eighty.

- One.

- Eighty-one?

- One.

It was your dad. Greatest man I ever met.

Obviously. Look at you.

How smart you are, how great,

how funny, how driven.

Your vaguely Middle Eastern beauty.

Sure as hell didn't all come from me.

Okay, but, seriously, Mom,

do you really not remember

where my dad's from?

Or is it like a coping mechanism?

- A little of both.

- Okay.

But I'm pretty sure he's Eurasian.

I mean, we all have our Prince Charming,

you just gotta know him when you see him.

Mom, it's Prince Charming.

You should just know.

Well, your Prince Charming isn't coming

to rescue you in a horse and carriage.

That's not who you want.

I mean, you're looking for a man

to be your partner.

To take on the world with.

You gotta update your fairytale, baby.

My Prince Charming?

You.

Mom.

- Hey.

- A wheelchair. Like I'm an invalid.

- How was the flight?

- I'm hungry.

You know they don't serve food

in coach any more?

You'd think with these new planes,

they practically fly themselves,

they could get rid of a pilot

and use his salary for a hot lunch.

- I know, right? Let's get you some food.

- God.

The engineering on these planes

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