Friends With Benefits Page #6

I mean the whole friendship-sex thing.

Kudos, baby, kudos.

It's not that big of a deal.

It's just surprising. I always thought

you were a true-love kind of girl.

Whatever, Mom. It's not like

it's stopping me from anything.

That's what I thought back in '78.

And every year since.

I'm just... I'm flattered, actually.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

It's just surprising.

- There, done. It's... There we go.

- Okay.

You look great! You look great.

You look like a princess.

- Yeah!

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Hey, my friend gave me his house

in Montauk for July 4th.

Let's you and me go away together.

No men, no bullshit.

Just mother-daughter.

Like a Nora Ephron movie.

When was the last time

we spent a full weekend together?

When I was eight, that time in Vermont.

We got snowed in with the ski instructor.

- Demitri.

- Bill.

He reminded me a lot of your father.

Dark curls, olive skin, Cold War accent.

- My father was Russian?

- I don't remember.

But what I do remember is we drank

a lot of vodka and shot a lot of guns.

Mom, this "who's your daddy" game

is getting really old.

I know I haven't been

the best mother in the world...

I'm sorry,

were you waiting for me to jump in?

Come on! Go away with me. Come on!

Come on. Come on.

Okay, we'll do it. It'll be fun, yeah?

- Mom...

- I was trying to bond!

It was either this or sniff glue.

- Sorry about my mom.

- I thought she was funny.

Yeah, she's really funny

when she's asking for money,

and she's hilarious

when she needs a place to stay.

Dylan, I think I wanna start dating again.

Listen, I think we should stop this.

Yeah?

I kind of think you're right.

Right?

Every new beginning

comes from some other beginning's end.

That actually makes sense right here.

Who would've thought Third Eye Blind

could be so prophetic?

Not Third Eye Blind.

I'm pretty sure that's Third Eye Blind.

Do you wanna go grab some lunch?

- Yes.

- Okay.

- You're buying.

- What?

Okay.

- Pants.

- Shirt.

So this is the end of this?

- I guess so. But it's good.

- Yeah.

- And we did it.

- With no bullshit.

- Shirt.

- Sweater.

We managed to actually stay friends.

- Yup.

- Yeah.

Okay. So, what is your type, anyway?

No, I don't have a type.

- It's more about what's inside.

- Oh, please!

Okay, what about her?

Yeah. I could get to know her inside.

And she's reading a book.

It's probably Nicholas Sparks.

- I'm gonna go talk to her.

- What?

What do you mean, "What?"

We said we wanted to date again.

- I'm gonna go talk to her.

- Now?

Here, in front of all of these people?

I didn't say I was gonna rape her.

I said I was gonna go talk to her.

Excuse me. I'm Dylan. Nice to meet you.

The Notebook.

Nice meeting you.

- Well?

- We talked. We laughed.

Yeah.

- She's Belgian.

- Explains the reading.

I showed her where the balcony was,

because that's where

she is meeting up with her husband.

Anniversary trip to New York.

Three kids. Christof, Karlina and Pepijn.

Shut up.

Why are you still laughing?

At least I gave it a shot.

Fine. I'll go next.

- See if I still have game.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Yes.

- Right here. Eleven o'clock.

- Iced coffee.

- Handsome, but doesn't know it.

Staring at a tree, which means

he's actually in the park for nature

and not to watch women sunbathe.

- Or he's retarded.

- Don't care.

I'm going in.

- Excuse me.

- Yes?

- Hi.

- Hello.

I'm Jamie.

Yeah. Yeah, that works.

Hi.

Okay.

- Nice to meet you.

- Oh, my God!

Okay. His name is Parker.

He's a children's oncologist.

And I have a date this Saturday.

- Nice.

- Thank you.

Why'd you wave to me?

I told him you were my gay best friend,

so he wants to set you up with his brother.

College, med school,

and I haven't slept since.

I can't believe you actually cure cancer.

Well, me and God.

- What?

- I'm kidding.

Can you imagine

someone who would actually say that?

Yeah, I could.

I've been out with a lot of them.

- Cancer doctors?

- No, a**holes.

Yeah.

Well, hopefully you're all done with that.

Although, I gotta warn you,

lot of cancer doctors, big a**holes.

- Really?

- Yeah.

And brain surgeons, huge perverts.

While they're doing this,

a little bit of that.

Hey.

Thank you.

When can I see you again?

Right now.

- I'm just kidding.

- Okay.

Can you imagine

someone who would actually say that?

I played the tuba in high school.

World's stupidest instrument.

Especially when you move eight times.

- Why'd you move?

- My mom really likes to break up with guys,

and she was really good at it.

- Was your dad one of them?

- No, no, he was long before that.

I actually never knew my dad.

I'm sorry. That sucks.

All right, look, I think I should

probably tell you something.

Please don't tell me you're a dude.

Because that'll be like the third time

since I moved here,

and I don't think I can handle that.

I have a five-date rule.

- You know, like, five dates before we...

- Yeah.

I saw it in a movie.

I thought I'd give it a try.

You're worth waiting for.

I'm sure that was the line

in the movie you saw.

That's awesome.

This four-year-old that I've been

working on for the last couple months,

he's gonna be fine.

- That's great.

- Yeah.

How is a guy like you single?

I've just been waiting for someone

to come up to me in the park

and compliment me for looking at the trees

and not the sunbathers.

I meant it. It was impressive.

Actually, if I'm gonna be

completely honest with you,

I was sleeping standing up.

I worked 36 hours straight.

I don't even know how I got to the park.

How is a girl like you single?

I have issues.

One might even call me damaged.

Actually, one did call me damaged.

Get out of here. Damaged how?

I kind of believe in true love.

That there might be

a Prince Charming out there for me.

Listen, I know this is probably a no

because all you do is work like a dull boy,

but would you like to come get a beer?

I'm good.

No, it's not a gay bar.

And there'll be just as many hot girls

as hot guys.

You know what? I will come out.

All right. Let's find you a lady.

You're still not gay, right?

- Nope.

- Okay.

- What?

- Do you know what today is?

- Date number five.

- I wasn't even counting.

- Wanna go in the bedroom?

- No. Here's fine.

I am so glad I met you tonight.

Me, too.

What are you thinking?

Just how great you are.

Annie, hey.

Who the f*** is Annie?

My sister.

Better be. I'll cut her.

Of course I'm coming.

Yeah, I'm taking the 4th off,

so I'll be there for three days.

Yeah. How's Dad?

Any worse?

All right, tell him I said hi.

Bye, Banannie.

I want you to meet my parents.

No, you... Really?

God!

Hey. Hold on, hold on.

No, just hold on. Just give me a second.

I gotta go find a place to talk. Okay.

Sh*t. Sh*t. Just hold Oh.

- Oh, sorry.

- Hold on.

I was out pretty late last night.

When I got in, you and your girlfriend

were on the couch

so I just crashed in your bed.

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