Full Moon High Page #6

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since you've gone all

the way with a woman?

Ah, 21 years, three

months and uh, 14 days.

That's a ballpark figure.

Do you ever get horny?

Don't you ever take off this jacket?

Only on special occasions.

Well, this is very special.

Can you scratch in

between my shoulder blades?

Oh sure, oh yes.

No, just scratch, you gotta.

How's that, ooh, how's that?

Oh, that's good.

Oh good, did I get it?

There's something on my left leg.

Oh my God, get it, ooh.

Yeah ooh,

that's perfect, perfect.

Don't, don't, oh, you lost it.

It's not the bugs, it's me, Ricky.

I've got fleas.

Excuse me.

Oh, that would make a

very nice belt buckle.

Yeah right, uh look, there's

a rush job I need from ya.

I need you to make me some silver bullets.

I need them out of.38 caliber.

Oh listen, for.38 caliber,

perhaps I would suggest some

little silver plate maybe, eh?

No no, uh, antique perhaps?

Ah, or a little designer silver.

I tell you what.

What about a little hand raised or cast?

A little engraving.

Something endearing.

No no no, nothing gaudy.

This is not gonna be worn on the outside.

It's going inside.

Oh yeah, inside.

What's that?

Leonard, wake up.

What?

Wake up.

I'm sorry, are you ready again?

It's not that.

I think something's out there.

Does that mean I can go now?

A trespasser, Leonard.

It's my father.

What

would bring your father here

at this hour?

He's a burglar.

He'll be a murderer if he catches me here.

I'm supposed to be out stealing hubcaps.

I learned my lesson, Miss Montgomery.

I'll never forget my homework again.

No, don't leave me.

Come back you premature ejaculator!

Hello, who is it?

Answer me!

Hello police department.

Hello, I'm alone in the house.

Someone has broken in

and I may not like him.

I'll have to put you on hold.

I need help, not Muzak.

Oh, that is kinda catchy.

This is your

Full Moon Police Department.

We're not in right now,

but if you leave your message

when you hear the beep,

we'll try to get right back to you.

Oh.

Hello, hello, there's a thing in my room,

and it's coming at me.

Remember,

wait until the beep.

Let's put those

cigarettes out right now.

Not on each other's necks.

We are again going to attempt

to show our film on sex education.

I wish to thank the student or students

who returned our projector.

A baby comes from the relationships

between the members of

these opposites sex.

Hi, Tony.

There's a substitution, run this.

Oh hi, Tony.

Oh, I'm, I'm, I can't.

There's no, there's no leader on it.

Just thread it up!

Come on, let's go in and check it out.

Come on, come on!

You three wait outside.

Hold it down, will ya's?

This is a school, isn't it?

You can't show that

home movie yet, Tony.

They'll never let you

play in the big game.

I can't wait anymore.

I finally did it last

night with Miss Montgomery.

The works?

All the way.

She wouldn't run away from me.

I knew she liked me.

I didn't know I'd like her that much.

I have to be locked up immediately.

Tony.

Hi Tony, you said you have

some real important evidence.

Yeah, I'm glad you could make it.

Take my seat.

Oh no, I'd love to watch a movie.

I really haven't got time though.

Miss Montgomery's missing,

the room's been turned over.

Yeah, I know, because I did it.

Tony, don't make light

of this situation, okay?

I mean, I know your dad way...

Not my dad, it's me, just sit down.

Sit down and watch.

I really...

Sit down!

Did he go?

Schweinfurt, would you turn

our lights out for us, please?

People, let's not have

any nonsense in the dark.

Tony.

Not bad.

Looks like a porno film.

What a school.

Hey, this is like The Exorcist.

Hey Tony, when's your head

gonna start to turn around?

Oh, sh*t!

Turn that thing off!

I'll finish watching this in private.

You touch that machine,

I'll bite your ear off.

It is a science project.

Oh, sh*t.

Let's watch our language.

Holy sh*t, look at that.

God, look at all that hair.

It's the Wookiee!

I am not the Wookiee.

I am the werewolf.

He ate my second cousin.

There goes the whole God

damned football season.

Let's have the lights.

Wait a second, hold it.

That was sick, show it again.

Sorry Miss, I'm gonna

have to take him in

before everyone gets sick and barfs.

Then I get sick and then I barf.

Me too.

Yeah, that's right, that's right,

put them on behind my back.

Don't trust me, I'm a killer.

Finally, after 20 years.

Gee, thanks for making

this easy, kid, come on.

Tony!

Will you get the film, it's evidence.

You got a great ass.

Hey, Ricky baby, you can

do that to me anytime girl.

Hey, can I get a clip of that?

They're not gonna put me

to sleep, are they, Jack?

No, no no, the ASPCA won't let them.

You'll probably tested, treated, deflead.

You'll probably be

approached to do a book.

Yeah, but how will I

ever get my head together,

not to mention my punctuation?

I'll help you with that, Tony.

I'm gonna get you the services

of America's greatest

abnormal psychiatrist.

His name's Dr. Jacob Brand.

A whole lot of bestsellers,

like Potty Training for College Credit.

Do you know him?

No, but what psychiatrist

would turn down the chance

to work on a real

werewolf for a percentage?

All right,

buddy, all right, buddy.

Buddy, just take it

easy, just take it easy.

Get back, stay back!

Quiet, quiet.

Listen, I got something to tell ya.

I'm going over now.

I got

something to tell ya.

Take a deep breath, just take it easy.

I'm gonna jump.

Don't jump!

Why not?

You got a phone call.

I don't care.

Long distance!

Is it paid for?

Sure, every

penny, come on, come on!

I don't care, I'm jumping anyway!

No, don't jump!

Is it a man or a woman?

I don't know, I couldn't tell!

That's why I'm jumping!

You can never tell anymore!

Dr. Brand, Dr. Brand, come on!

The guy's gonna jump off the roof!

That's okay, I'll take over now.

Hey you, drop dead!

Drop 43 stories dead!

Take a long walk on a short pier!

What pier?

He belongs to the Ridicule and Insult

School of Psychiatry.

He shames them down.

What're you deaf too?

Take a hop, take a walk!

Take a ride, take a fall!

Can I get another doctor, please?

No, you don't deserve

anybody better than me.

You wanna kill yourself?

Do yourself a favor,

something constructive.

Get a job in a nuclear power plant.

Do it quick, I got an

appointment at two o'clock.

Doc, do me a favor.

The guys is gonna jump off the roof.

So what, probably nobody will

come to the funeral anyway.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, the ledge is collapsing!

Ah ha, I made you look.

Shame on you, you baby.

I bet you were a pansy in school.

You, you, you're just like my father!

I'll kill ya!

Hang on, I'm coming, I'm coming.

That's a doctor you're hurting there.

What're you doing, you're crazy!

Get off of me!

Come here, come here you!

Get off of me!

Who's doing what to who?

You're breaking my neck.

What's that suppose

to be, a fireman's grip?

Now, the firefighter's got the jumper.

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