Fun Mom Dinner Page #9

- That's... a coincidence.

- Gimme that bag.

- No

- Gimme that bag.

Gimme your bag.

Give Melanie your bag!

- Stop, stop!

- What is this?

All right, was is this,

some kind of bling-ring sh*t?

It's that what you guys

are doing here, huh?

Taking phones and sell them

on the black market?

Is that what you're doing?

- Oh, yeah.

Yep, I've seen this on Dateline.

- So what? Zoe lifts sh*t. That's

her thing. Everybody has a thing.

- I catfish rich dudes.

- I pull fire alarms.

- I'm a YouTube unboxer.

- What the f*** is that?

- Okay, all right, I steal things.

Sorry, I can't help myself.

Please don't turn me in.

- So we're not gonna call the cops,

'cause we're cool as sh*t,

but you're all gonna pay the price

for Zoe's shenanigans tonight.

You'll survive, Jamie.

Now... you're all gonna be technology-free

for the next hour.

Let's cut this electronica bullshit

and get some Peabo Bryson up in here.

- Five minutes.

Yeah, right.

- Okay. Now, you're all gonna deal

with the extreme social awkwardness

that we had to deal at parties

back in the day.

You ready for that? Here I come.

All right, you're gonna face each other,

in the flesh, without a phone,

to filter out any of those oily

little teenage pores you got.

- Whoo!

We had a once in a lifetime

You're welcome.

But I just couldn't see

Until it was gone

A second once in a lifetime

May be too much to ask

But I swear from now on

If ever you're in my arms again

This time...

- I've got one.

Never have I ever walked in

on my parents doing it.

- Dude.

- Oh.

- Nasty.

Okay, ready?

Never have I ever... had lice.

- What?

- Ew.

- Ew!

- Emily, I promise you,

just give it a few more

weeks at Happy Days,

and you will be borrowing

my special comb.

- No!

- I can't believe you've never had lice.

- I'm so never having kids.

Good luck.

- This is fun.

- I think we freaked them out.

- Good. Little f***ers.

- Never have I ever cheated on my husband

with an old boyfriend from high school.

- How did I not know?

I thought it was Theo.

- Yeah, I know.

That's what everybody thought.

It's because I only post the pretty stuff.

- You're the pretty stuff.

- Never have I ever...

kissed another guy...

while I was married.

- Emily.

- Whoa.

- I stopped it immediately. I did.

It was a mista...

It was such a mistake.

I am... I'm telling Tom...

when I get home.

- Are you sure?

- I'm terrified,

but I think...

I realized tonight

that I want my marriage to work.

I want it to work with Tom.

- You just have to fight for it,

sweetie pie. You know?

- All right.

Never have I ever dressed up

my husband's dick as Napoleon.

- Whoa, wait a minute. What?!

- Okay, you guys, remember, when we

went on that Alaskan cruise last year?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, we didn't.

We went to this sex retreat, to reconnect.

- Really?

- Wow. Did it work?

- Yes, it worked.

- Yeah, obviously.

- Yeah. We dressed up his dick as Napoleon,

and he did a little one-act.

It was really very good,

critically acclaimed.

Whoa.

' Anyway, yeah.

And we still do it, and I love it.

- That's a really good one.

- It sure is.

- All right, never have I ever...

had real mom friends.

- Come here, give me a hug.

Come on, give me a hug. Come here.

- I want in. Come here.

- Me too!

You guys are still wet.

Aren't you freezing?

- Yeah.

- A little bit.

- Oh, I'm so glad Emily and I

didn't have to go in the water.

- Hmm.

Say I'm crying

I'm looking at what's on TV

Pain and suffering

And the struggle to be free

It can't ever be denied and I

Never will ignore

But when I see you coming

I can take it all

You're so fine

Lose my mind

And the world seems to disappear

All the problems

All the fears

And the world seems to disappear

You're so fine

Lose my mind

And the world seems to disappear

All the problems

All the fears

And the world seems to disappear

You're so fine

Lose my mind

And the world seems to disappear

- Ow! Ow.

- God, if I ever do this again,

I'm getting a goddamn epidural first.

The CIA should use

this sh*t on terrorists.

Oh, God, you guys are

all a bunch of wimps.

- What?!

- It's very delicate tissue down there, Jamie.

You know, I'm already regretting my choice.

Should I have gone with the Mt. Rushmore?

Peter loves history.

- Are you kidding me? He's gonna love that.

It was the best one.

- Hey, Em.

Turn around.

- What?

- Just...

turn around.

" Me'?

- Yeah, you.

- You did this. It's you.

- No! I swear.

It's all Tom.

- Come on, get over there, go!

- Go get your Jake Ryan.

Go! Go get your Jake Ryan!

Whoo!

- Tom looks kind of hot.

But would you suspect

My emotion wandering yeah

I guess the talk worked.

Not want a part of this anymore

He's even got the sweater, you guys.

The rain water drips

Through a crack in the ceiling

- Uh-oh.

- What... what's going on here?

- She looks okay.

What happened?

- Well, Tom said

he didn't want me to miss our dinner,

so I'm gonna meet up with him later.

- Sh*t.

- The Porsche is ours for the night.

- Really?

- That is a slick move. Nice work, Tom!

- Thank you, Tom!

- Wow.

- Are you sure?

There'll be other fun mom dinners.

- You got that right, b*tches. Come on.

- Let's go.

- Let's go. We're good.

If you were here

I could deceive you

And if you were here you would believe

But would you suspect

My emotion wandering

Yeah

Do not want a part of this anymore

I know a boy named Frank

Frank's got a job at a bank

He gets up at 5 barely alive

Frank's got no gas in his tank

All work no play

That's no way to live

You got to live for today

All work no play

That's no way to live

You got to live for today

Hey

Hey

Hey

Hey

I know a girl named Jane

Jane's always catching a fling

And she's never home sleeping alone

Jane says she's going insane

All work no play

That's no way to live

You got to live for today

All work no play

That's no way to live

You got to live for today

While I'm taking care of business

Time keeps on slipping past

What kind of living is this

Working till the day is done

Never stop to wonder why

Hey

Hey

Hey

Hey

Frank got a pain in his head

Let's spend the day in bed

Because the world won't end

if now and then

We get a little out of our heads

All work no play

That's no way to live

You got to live for today

All work no play

That's no way to live

You got to live for today

Hey

Hey

Hey

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