Fun with Dick and Jane Page #7

- Here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna turn around

and march out of here now.

You're gonna take Goldilocks

there with you.

And I won't put the two of you

in prison for a very long time.

Actually, honey, I think that sounds

pretty good. I think....

I think we should take it,

you know.

You think so, hon?

I do.

- Because I don't.

- Dick Harper.

I've been terminated, bankrupted,

deported and blackmailed...

...because of you.

And I'm not leaving here

without your money.

What you gonna do, Dick?

Shoot me if I don't approve that form?

Write me a check.

- You are kidding me.

- Dick, it's not gonna do us any good.

He's just gonna cancel it

the minute we walk out of here.

I don't care.

I don't care.

I'm not walking out of this bank

empty-handed.

All right. All right, Dick,

I'm gonna write you a check.

- I'm gonna need my hand back.

- Gladly.

All right. Yes, sir.

I'm gonna write you that check.

And what's more,

I'm not gonna cancel it.

Because I think it takes

a lot of cojones...

...to do what you two have done

here today. And I admire that.

So...

...here you go.

Just a little something to show you

what I think you're worth.

Y'all take care, now.

Dick, honey...

...give me the squirt gun, okay?

Do you still have

McAllisters form?

Why?

Because I just got his signature.

Weren't you an art major?

Dick Harper! I had no idea

what you were doing.

I was completely fooled.

My God, I didn't know you could act.

Hon, in 1 0th grade I played Biff

in Death of a Salesman.

- Come on.

- That's just--

See the way I got

my eyes watering up?

Yes, sir. It's all right there.

I am married to a genius.

It's a turn-on, isn't it?

- You're a criminal.

- I'm a hardened criminal.

Hon, first we need

to talk to Spencer.

Right.

Are you in the habit of signing things

without looking at them?

Miss Sheinkopf?

Miss Sheinkopf,

I'm gonna be home by 6.

- Mr. McAllister!

- Jack!

- Mr. McAllister!

- Mr. McAllister!

We're all waiting for you over here,

Jack. Everybody's really pumped.

Come on!

Is this some kind of a joke, Dick?

Are you still trying

to get even with me?

Why would I get even

with such a generous man?

I still can't believe you did that.

Jane and I were way off base.

- He's on in 20, right? Hook him up.

- Wait, on what?

Sam Samuels. MoneyLife.

Oh, and here are some

suggested responses.

Live to Southern California,

where...

... in a stunning act of personal

generosity, Jack McAllister...

Who the hell do you think you are?

I'm your

VP of Communications, Jack.

- -personally funded the defunct

corporation's pension fund,

You said I just did what?

God, I love this guy,

But seriously, Jack,

what made you do it?

Well, l-- Sam, l....

I realized, Sam, that since

the employees of Globodyne...

...had given me so much, it was time

for me to give back to them.

So yesterday, I wire-transferred...

...$400 million...

...into the newly created

Globodyne Pension Relief Fund.

Oh, yeah!

Let's look at what happened when

the first ex-Globodyne employees...

... received their shares of money,

Many people had their life savings

invested in the company...

...and were delighted to learn

their pensions had been returned,

It is the first time

in U, S, corporate history...

... that a CEO has personally funded

a bankrupted pension plan,

This incredible gesture won't soon

be forgotten by the people...

... whose lives it has

so dramatically affected,

And this is just the beginning,

In the coming months, thousands

more will be receiving a check...

... for the full value of their

lost pensions and life savings,

Jack, Jack, he's got your back!

Jack, Jack, he's got your back!

Jack, Jack, he's got your back!

You hear that? They love you, Jack.

- Now, go to hell.

- Mr. McAllister...

...do you consider yourself

a modern-day Robin Hood?

- Does this mean you're off the hook?

- Do you wanna save the whales?

Now, hang on a minute.

Have you decided to contribute

to the homeless?

What made you so gracious?

Mr. McAllister,

how do you feel right now?

Mr. McAllister, how about giving

a brother a buck?

Look at our beautiful family.

My name is Dick Harper.

- I agree.

- Hey, Harpers, stick them up!

- Look who it is.

- Hey, Garth.

How you doing, Garth?

Great. Hey, how do you like

the new wheels?

- Nice.

- Hooked up with a new company.

- Great benefits.

- Yeah?

Yeah. They trade energy.

It's called Enron.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes