Fun with Dick and Jane Page #6

and initialed the document...

... the account rep will take

the CRM- 1 14...

... back to McAllister for final

approval before finalization,

You said this was

gonna be simple.

Can you explain it again?

Jane doesn't seem to understand.

- Jane, it's simple. It's so simple.

- Jeez.

Now, listen.

All we have to do...

... is switch McAllisters CRM-114

with his account number...

... with one of our own,

- I'm so sorry.

- A copy that we have made...

...that has a number from an account

that I have established.

And Jack sends the 400 million

to us without knowing it.

That's-- You got it. It's so simple.

That is beautiful. It's a switch.

- It's a switch,

- It's a switch,

- It's a switch.

- That's so sexy, man.

- That's unbelievable. It'll be fun.

- But Jane's gonna have to do it.

Because if McAllister sees either

one of us, he'll know something's up.

- And l... ?

- Do nothing.

I can do that.

Yeah.

Okay.

- You do it, then. You're the one.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- You could do it, except--

- No, it's good.

No, you do it. You do it. You do it.

- You deserve to do it.

- Honey--

Are you ready to make the switch?

Do you have the form?

- It's right here.

- We should practice the move.

- No, I got it.

- Okay, fine.

I won't be involved.

I won't participate at all.

- You do it. It's all you.

- Let's do one for good luck.

I got dressed up.

You're not doing me any favors.

- Get out of the car!

- I just think it's important.

That's all.

Okay, I'll be the bank representative.

And you be you.

Hey. Hey! Wait, sir.

- No! No, no. No!

- Sorry.

- Everybody ready?

- No.

- What?

- Well, Dick lost the form.

- So....

- What?

Do you have an extra copy?

Do you have any idea

what I went through to get that? !

Oh, let me guess, a fifth of Scotch!

You son of a--

Wait. Stop it. Knock it off!

My God. Wait a second.

Can we get another one?

Is that possible?

How can we do that?

You know what,

I'm gonna take the car...

...and I'm gonna try

to delay McAllister.

- He's here. He's here.

- Oh, God.

- What are you--?

- I'm going.

That was not cool.

Okay. It's very simple. I got it.

- I got it. It's very simple.

- What?

Go into the bank. Go into the office

of the client-relations coordinator.

The document forms are backed up

on her disk, you have to print one out.

- Who's this guy? Do I say hello?

- Never mind. Just blow past them.

Quaint.

McAllister, 1 2 o'clock.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go stall him.

- Hon.

- What?

How am I supposed to find

the client-relations coordinator?

Turn around.

Oh, my-- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Jack McAllister.

- I'm sorry?

- It's me, Deb Festerbooth.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Oh, is that the legendary

espresso machine?

You want some?

- Really, could l?

- Sure, yeah.

- Good to see you.

- From the fundraiser.

I am truly sorry,

but I really don't recall you, Miss... ?

Festerbrook-- Booth. Yes.

No, listen, this is crazy.

You have to remember.

- And here you go.

- Thank you.

Oh, excuse me. That's my phone.

Oh, me too.

Grand Cayman Bank,

how may I help you?

Karen Williams, please.

- This is Karen.

- Yes, Mrs. Williams...

...this is Officer Redgreen...

...of the MVPDL.

And we've recovered a stolen vehicle

that is registered in your name.

We'd appreciate it if you could

come to the impound lot--

What? My car's been stolen?

Don't you remember my tattoo

of a green monkey on my ass?

Someone stole my car

right out of the parking lot.

No way.

- Yeah.

- It's Dick.

I got it.

- Dick.

- Yeah.

Is the client-relations coordinator

a blond woman with a red scarf?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- She noticed her car isn't stolen.

- What's the account number?

- P-N-5-9-7...

P-N-5-9-7...

- ...2-K-4-0.

- 2-4-K--

No, 2-K-4-0.

- Oh, my God.

- Got it.

Oh, my God, my car!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- I didn't see you there.

- What is wrong with you?

What's wrong with me?

You're parked

in a handicapped space.

- That's not a handicapped space.

- It is now!

Yes!

- What are you doing here?

- It's too late.

The account rep's authorizing

the CRM-1 1 4 right now.

Oh, man!

Wait a second.

He's not going back into the room.

- Where is he going?

- I'm gonna go down...

...and get this stamped and initialed.

You stall him.

Oh, I hate stalling!

- Catches my dust.

- Traffic congestion.

Hey, Spence, good to see

you again. How you been?

Well, thank you.

Will you excuse me for a moment?

- Of course.

- Yeah.

Say, Dick, I'm probably

gonna be arrested for DWI...

...so I won't be there

when you get out.

- Can we talk about this later?

- Look what I found in his car.

I don't wish to discuss this in front

of the branch employees, that's why.

Nobody likes to be the bad guy, Bill.

But here I am, chopping heads.

- I already verified--

- I understand the need for layoffs.

I'm concerned about morale.

I'm fine, really. Thank you

very much. Thank you.

- Madam, can I have my form back?

- What did you just call me?

I just don't wanna start

a bloodbath.

- Can I have my form back?

- Your "forn"?

- Is that how you spell your name?

- Why don't I just do this for you, sir.

My form.

You know, there is

one bright light here.

Spencer, the guy with the

stampy thing, he's top-drawer.

Thank you, sir.

Dick?

Dick Harper?

Jack McAllister.

- You just struck me.

- Look what the cat coughed up.

My gosh, you cut an impressive

swath, I'll tell you that.

- And you smell good too, you devil.

- Just hold on a second.

What do you say

we put all this behind us.

- Dick, what are you doing here?

- You know, working, mostly, here...

...temporarily, over in Transfers.

- Okay? Just drop it.

- I heard you left town.

Yeah, I was in Mexico for a while. But

mostly I've been working in Transfers.

- Oh, I see.

- Poppycocker.

I wanted to tell you that

you are my inspiration.

- There's no hard feelings?

- You did the best you could.

- That's all anybody could ask for.

- Decent of you to say.

Like my granddaddy

used to tell me--

Bye.

It was so great. We did it!

Mr. McAllister, please.

I don't know.

I think I made a mistake.

- Are you kidding? You were great!

- No, no, no.

Here we are, sir.

Days like this,

they make my hands shake.

- Know what I'm saying?

- I can imagine.

- What's he doing?

- I don't know. What is he doing?

We got one situation here,

now, fellas...

...which is that that number wrong.

That's incorrect right there.

- Did he see us?

- I have no idea.

I think he saw you.

I think he saw you.

You were sticking your big head

out there.

I gotta hit the road here, fellas,

so I'm gonna sign this for you...

- ... then you gonna change it.

- Yes.

Oh, man. You know,

this is really not the time.

This is really not the time.

Oh, God, he's coming.

- He's coming, hon.

- Okay.

Jack, hey. It was great seeing you.

- Where's Frank Bascombe?

- Come again?

You didn't think I'd catch that,

now, did you?

- What do you mean?

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