Fun with Dick and Jane Page #5

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Oh, Dick...

...what you been up to since

Globodyne went under?

Just working at home,

playing in the stock market.

I tell you, guys...

- ... it's like stealing money.

- You're on fire, Dick.

- Last job, try to stay focused.

- Okay.

- Let me hold that door for you, ma'am.

- Why, thank you.

You're welcome.

Oh, my goodness.

This woman has fainted.

- Are you all right?

- You might wanna open her blouse...

...so she can...

- ... breathe.

- Right.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, l--

- You okay?

Oh, no.

That's good.

- Let me get back to you. Excuse me.

- Yes?

- May I help you?

- Vault inspector.

- What happened to Phil?

- Necrotizing fasciitis.

Caused by

an invasive streptococcus.

What?

Flesh-eating disorder.

It's all over the money.

Might wanna wash your hands.

- Everybody down!

- This is a robbery!

- No way!

- Freeze, everybody.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

- Oh, no.

- Nobody move a muscle.

You. Whiskers, whiskers.

On the floor.

Oh, Dick.

I will blow those whiskers...

- ... right off your face!

- I'm down!

- Go get the money, please.

- You're-- You're money, I'm guns...

- ... that's the plan.

- Put your weapons down.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Stick to the plan, stick to the plan.

- I'm putting the weapon down.

- Bring it on, pigs!

- Honey.

- What are you doing?

Oh, Dick. Oh, Dick. Oh, Dick.

Run, Dick, run.

- You coward!

- Stay on the ground.

- Whoa, boy.

- You quitter!

- I'm cuffed! I'm cuffed!

- You filthy pig.

- I'm sorry.

- Bring it on.

- Bring it on, I'll take on all of you!

- Oz?

- Hon, get the car! Get the car!

- Debbie.

- Thank you very much.

- Oh, Dick.

Honey.

Oh, thank God.

Oz and Debbie Peterson...

Oz and Debbie Peterson...

... former employees

of now-defunct Globodyne...

... were charged

with armed robbery...

- ... after holding up a local branch...

- Dick. Dick, that could have been us.

What were we thinking?

- and turned to crime as a result

of their sudden unemployment,

Like this woman, Naomi Seiler,

a human-resources manager...

... caught last May managing

a different kind of resource:

220 kilos of Canada 's

finest marijuana,

I knew her. She always remembered

everybody's birthday.

Or this man, Mark Fish,

a former VP of Globodyne, , ,

... who was arrested after using

his home as the setting...

... for secret high-stakes cockfights,

Mark Fish? He was such a nice guy.

Globodyne CFO

Frank Bascombe...

...starts serving his 18-month

prison term next week,

- Eighteen months? That's nothing.

- Bastard.

- -trying to incriminate

Jack McAllister,

- Oh, yeah.

- I don't think I got away with anything,

The collapse of Globodyne

hurt me financially and personally...

... just like any other employee,

I'm sick about it,

I'm et up about it,

Now watch this shot,

Did I get him?

- Now you did,

- Great,

Look at that guy.

Everybody's in hell,

he's on vacation shooting stuff.

Man, I hope every one of these

bastards get what they deserve.

Prosecutors say next

to be indicted will be...

... company spin doctor Dick Harper,

- Harper gave misleading statements...

- What? Indicted?

... about Globodyne's finances

one minute before the company...

- Indicted?

- That's not fair. They made you...

...go on that show.

You hear what they said?

I'm gonna be indicted.

- But you only said what they told you.

- Indicted, Jane!

Indicted. I'm gonna be indicted.

- Wait, it's gonna be--

- Indicted!

- Honey-- Dick--

- Indicted!

- Honey--

- Gonna be indicted!

Hold it, they can't--

It's gonna be okay. Just calm down.

I can't calm down,

I'm gonna be indicted. Indicted!

I'm gonna be indicted!

Indicted!

I'm gonna be indicted!

Be indicted!

You know, I haven't seen you

in the downtown club for a while, sir.

Well, that's because

I was very, very busy...

...being indicted.

Look at all the executives.

You guys are my kind of peeps.

Captains of industry,

masters of the universe...

...presidents of Hair Club for Men.

That's a nice piece of hair.

You can't even see the tread marks.

This squirrel died of natural causes.

Excuse me, pardon me.

I gotta get to the "toppytip"

of the financial summit.

Isn't anyone going to do anything?

This happens every week.

This guy actually isn't that bad.

I'm a corporate puppet.

And I'm gonna need

some more string...

...so I can go on believing

I'll be a real boy someday...

- ... without being manipulated...

- No, no, no, I got it.

...by the bullshit!

Oh, my God, Dick.

Come down from there.

Hon, I'm in the middle

of a very important meeting.

Sweetie, you're standing on a table

pretending to be a puppet.

Who's pretending?

- Couldn't you have just cut him off?

- He only had half a beer.

Dick, hi. Long time no see.

- Frank! Frank!

- I'm gonna get him. Just--

Frank, where are you going?

- Dick!

- Come on, Frank.

I just wanna have a talk.

Hey there, Frankie.

How do you like those

eggs Florentine?

Wait, wait, wait! Wait, it was Jack.

It was Jack.

He siphoned off

all of Globodyne's assets...

...and then he dumped the stock.

It was his plan from the beginning.

Son of a b*tch!

That f***er!

- Hon, language.

- She's right.

When you get out of prison...

...you'll get $20 million

to keep your mouth shut.

No, 1 0. You think

I could have gotten 20?

You son of a b--

- You'll break-- Dick.

- I want him.

- Let go.

- Don't you think I feel terrible?

Why do you think I'm drinking

myself to death?

Instead of drinking, why don't

you do something about it.

Yeah, Frank. Sometimes the cure

is a clean conscience.

- That is good.

- Thanks, hon.

- I just thought of it.

- You did?

- Yeah.

- You're right.

You're right. Help me up.

Help me up.

Yeah, help me up.

I gotta think of something.

Okay, just give me a minute.

Just give me--

Hey.

Hey!

- Not this time, Frank.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's force of habit.

I know a way. I know a way.

But it's really, really risky.

That's where Jack keeps it.

Four hundred million in

highly liquid U.S. bearer bonds.

So it's a vault job. Go in after

midnight, bypass security...

...and... power tools.

- It's a little simpler than that.

- Power tools?

Jack's gonna have to take those

bonds out of the safe-deposit box,

That should be fun for him,

Here's my babies.

So, what's he gonna do

with the money?

There it is,

the Grand Cayman Bank.

Grand Cayman. What is this place?

It's where rich people

go to evade taxes,

- Bastards,

- Honey,

They can't hear us, What's next?

McAllister takes the bonds

to a representative...

... who asks him for his signature

to verify what they call "membership, "

Once the bonds are counted

and confirmed...

... McAllister will receive

a CRM-114 deposit form...

... and on this form

he inputs his account number...

... that only he and the bank know,

Then the agent will take this...

...to an authorization officer

for further verification.

Once the representative has stamped

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