Fun with Dick and Jane Page #4

What--? Why are you doing

that accent?

Holy hell!

I did this little cosmetics test...

...and I had a little reaction.

Is it really that bad?

No, it's not so bad.

It's just different.

Dick, can we talk about this

some other time?

Oh, yeah. Come on, come on.

Go, go, go, go!

I gotta go in. I gotta go to bed.

You coming?

I think I'm gonna sit in the car...

...and think for a while.

Okay.

Don't think for too long,

we gotta get up early.

Soup kitchens stop serving at 8.

You're still pretty.

I'm not playing anymore.

I've just about had it!

Sorry.

O my God, I'm heartily sorry

for having offended thee.

It's okay. I'm putting it back.

I'm putting it back! It's okay.

Hon, what happened?

I got the lawn back.

Got the... ?

Oh, Dick.

It's beautiful.

Honey.

Oh, Dick, I love you.

I love you.

Are these too big for my face?

Well, now you look like

the Unabomber.

Good.

What are you doing

with Billy's squirt gun?

We followed the rules

and we got screwed.

We were good people,

honest people...

...and we got screwed.

Damn it!

What are you gonna do now,

you gonna rob a bank?

We got screwed.

Over and over again, hon.

I stole the lawn back,

and you know what happened?

We have a lawn now.

Yeah, but-- Okay.

We're all just cavemen...

...trying to protect

our little patch of land.

Well, now I have a club...

...and I'm gonna take what I need.

Maybe you should steal

some Prozac.

Keep laughing, Jane.

Keep laughing, okay?

I'll be back soon...

- ... with the loot.

- Oh, no, no, no. I'm coming.

- Not gonna miss this for the world.

- Suit yourself.

Besides, you're gonna need

a good wheelman.

Okay, that's it, joke's over.

Let's go home.

- Come on.

- No, no, no.

- We haven't done the caper yet.

- Wow, okay, you--

Then-- Then let's do it before,

you know...

...we die of

carbon-monoxide poisoning.

When you're in there,

get me some Sno-Caps.

Oh, no, no, no, Raisinets,

Raisinets. I want Raisinets.

Hon, your thingamabob.

- I know, I know.

- All right.

And don't forget

to kill the witnesses, hon.

Okay.

Hi.

Brain freeze.

You ever get that?

One Brainfreeze. Anything else?

Yeah. Yeah, I got something else...

...right here.

Hey, Jake, take a break.

I got this one.

That'll be 1.29, please.

1.29.

Go! Jane, go! Just go!

Oh, God. You did it?

Oh, there that is.

- That was wild. That was wild!

- You actually robbed that place?

No, but I had a slushie

and I didn't even pay for it.

- What?

- Well, then our problems...

...are pretty much over.

Jane, just drive the car, okay?

We'll find another place, okay?

Give me your money!

Garth!

Dick?

- Oh, my God.

- You remember Jane.

- She's in the car.

- Jane?

- Hi, Garth.

- Hey, Jane.

- Hon, it's-- Garth.

- What's with this?

- From the barbeque.

- Harper, what are you--?

I had you going there.

Had me going?

You scared me to death.

- Yeah, well....

- You're a madman.

- We should hang out soon.

- All right.

Yeah, you wanna hang out

with Garth soon, hon?

- All right.

- All right.

Drive. Just drive. Just drive the car.

- Okay, Dick.

- Okay.

My car's right there.

Get that for you, then. Okay.

- Thank you, sonny. Thank you.

- Oh, no, l--

Well, maybe.

Okay, stop the car.

Now, that place is loaded.

They are ripe for the picking.

And you are just the guy

for the job.

But seriously, doesn't this remind

you of that movie Heat...

- ... with Val Kilmer--?

- I'm trying my best.

There's nothing to be ashamed of,

is all I'm saying. Some people....

Some people have that robbing thing

and-- And some people don't.

Maybe...

...you're not a badass.

Hey, man. What can I do you for?

You can do me for

all the money in the till.

- This is a stickup.

- Whoa, what's wrong with you, dude?

I'm married,

that's what's wrong with me.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Move it, paraquat! Come on, Zig-Zag.

That's a real gun.

You're robbing me.

- Dick?

- Honey, robe.

Oh, God, okay.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry.

Listen to me. What are you

doing, are you craz--?

- What?

- Listen, put your hands down.

- He's been stressed.

- Why are you undercutting me?

- To be fair, we both--

- I'm trying to rob this man.

- We don't need to do this.

- I got a call about the mortgage.

If we don't pay tomorrow, the sheriff's

coming to put us out on the street.

Get the money out of

there right now, I mean it!

- Pull it out, put it in a sack! Let's go!

- Easy, hon.

- God! Oh, God!

- Come on.

Wow, that's fantastic.

Women are amazing, aren't they?

It's just like jelly jars.

Whoa, hon! Hon!

- Look, look.

- Hon?

- What?

- I don't think anybody's following us.

God!

Oh, look out for that.

Oh, park under there.

Oh, my God.

- I can't believe we just did that.

- But we did do it.

We did do it.

It's not like we stole

from some old lady, you know?

It's not like we stole

from some old lady, you know?

Exactly. And you know, maybe

we can figure out a way we can...

...give back some of what

we've taken to other people.

Maybe we will.

It's a definite possibility.

Wanna grab a cup of coffee?

- Iced mocha sounds nice.

- Yeah.

All right, this is a holdup. Get on

the ground and you won't get hurt.

Whoa, Jesus. Are you okay, hon?

- I'm okay.

- All right.

You. Two iced mochas, let's go.

Move it, move it.

- Two iced mochas.

- Yeah. Whipped cream.

- Whipped cream.

- Any whipped cream, hon, on yours?

- No, thanks.

- None on hers.

- No whipped cream.

- Are these nonfat muffins?

- Are they nonfat muffins? !

- I think so.

Okay. Hon, these are nonfat

muffins. Get some of those.

- Which ones, vanilla or chocolate?

- In the back, in the back.

- This one?

- No, no, that one.

- Front? Honey!

- No, that one. Okay.

Yeah, okay, that's good.

Okay, nobody try to follow us...

...because we're desperate criminals.

We're crazy people!

And I'll kill you all!

- Oh, hon, the coffee. Coffee.

- Oh, yeah, right.

Thanks a lot.

What are you doing in there?

What do you think?

- It's Elvis on a motorcycle?

- It's Evel Knievel, hon.

I like the way it makes my butt look.

Honey, where's my car?

Mercedes, off.

Now I can watch soccer!

No matter what happens,

know that I love you.

I love you too.

- Let's do this.

- Okay.

Go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go!

Oh, my God.

This guy's really loaded.

That's a lot of lettuce.

Should we pistol-whip him?

Hey, don't laugh.

Don't you laugh now, okay?

Because it demeans

what we're doing here.

Yeah.

- Anyway, shall we?

- Let's do it.

- What--? What is that?

- Nothing.

Don't do anything funny, or else.

You could pay the ultimate price.

Honey, come on, cut the crap.

Okay.

We sound so funny.

I know. That's what I was thinking.

Oh, my God.

Hel--

Did you guys hear what happened

to Bob Blaustein?

- Bob Blaustein?

- Yeah.

- Who's Bob Blaustein?

- Oh, he works at Sonent Global.

Or should I say he worked

at Sonent Global.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, and if they're not careful...

...they'll become

the next Pyramid Tech.

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