Funeral Kings Page #4

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Jesus Christ.

I don't know

what I'm going to do with you.

Don't you factor it

into the price?

Factor it into the price?

Like a retail store, you raise the prices

to factor in shop-lifters.

Do I look like I own

a f***in' retail store?!

I knew we shouldn't have hired

a little f***in' kid.

I'm not a little kid.

Oh no?

You still a virgin, big guy?

- F*** you!

- Seriously.

- I don't gotta take this sh*t.

- Sit!

Go ahead, tell me

what makes you a man.

I'm not an idiot f***in' kid.

I sold a ton of sh*t last week!

I'm a business man,

and whether you like it or not

I'm helping your business.

You know what happens when a

business man loses his product?

He gets fired.

In this business,

it doesn't end there.

- We've got to get out of here.

- Shut the f*** up.

You really think

you're an adult

because you sell

drugs at your high school?

What do you do? You tell the girls that

you're the big man on campus?

Brag to them

about all the sh*t you do?

All the things you've done?

You know what the difference

between you and me is?

There are things

I can't even tell you.

I can't even tell these guys.

These are bad things

that I've done.

And I can't go to mommy and daddy

when I have a problem.

I have to solve the problem

myself.

And I never get caught.

There's no punishment,

no detention for me.

This kid is gonna

sh*t his pants any second now.

I'll treat you like an adult

as soon as you have

skeletons in your closet

that keep you awake at night,

because that's what makes

me an adult.

That, and you know,

I know what a p*ssy feels like.

That was strike one, man.

You only get two with me.

Get out of here.

Thanks Iggy.

I got to take a sh*t.

Dude, hurry it up we gotta...

...we gotta go!

Let's get the f*** out of here!

Go, go, go!

Holy sh*t!

That was crazy!

Did you get the bullets?

No way, man. I'm not shooting

this gun right now.

But did you get em?

Holy sh*t.

Let's just shoot it.

Once.

No way, man.

I'm going home.

What are you

going to tell your parents?

They're not home.

Dude, where were you yesterday?

Nowhere.

What do you mean, "nowhere?"

I just didn't feel

like coming in, alright?

Well, where's Felix?

He said he had a doctor's

appointment, or something.

I'm glad you weren't sick.

I was afraid you wouldn't

make it for tonight.

Yeah I don't think

I want to go anymore, man.

What are you talking about?

You have to go!

Yeah, I'm not sure about it

either.

If my mom finds out...

Your mom's not

going to find out!

She'll think we're

at the movies.

And Charlie, Amanda f***ing Prescott's

gonna be there.

And she knows who we are.

We've got to go, man, come on!

How many times have you had a

crush on a chick and f***ed it up?

F*** you, man.

Dude I'm serious, there's

going to be tons of chicks there.

Maybe you could make out with

one.

Dude.

F***.

You.

I'm just saying, you're 14.

It'd be about time.

...and that's my mom's room.

And this is the bathroom.

And this is my room!

Dude!

This is sick!

Does this thing work?

Yeah it works!

Who signed that?

Oh just the director and Val...

Val?

You mean Valerie Rossignol?

You just call her Val?

Yeah.

What's this?

My mom wants me

to get rid of some stuff.

I thought you liked this sh*t.

Nah, I mean...

Not really.

You don't have to stop liking something,

just because we think it makes you gay.

Well...

You look like an idiot, man.

I thought we were supposed

to dress up.

Jesus Christ!

How much cologne

are you wearing?

You're supposed to smell it.

You guys have a ride home,

right?

Yeah, uh, my parents are picking

us up at the movie theater.

Alright, here we are.

Uhhhh.

Are you sure

this is the right house?

Yeah the party's like

a couple blocks down.

- Why are we parking here?

- Felix!

Uh, Trent can't really

walk in with a bunch of us,

so you're just going to have to

go around back or something.

Are you going to show us

how to get around back?

Oh no!

I'm going with Trent.

Are you serious?

Either walk to the party...

or walk home.

F***in' dick.

Alright, the three of us

just can't walk through the

front door,

so we'll split up.

I don't want to go alone.

The two of you then.

Let's just go see the movie.

Dave...

They're not going to call the cops.

Just relax.

Andy'll hold your hand.

Hey, what's going on?

Beer pong... cool, cool.

Stop bumping into me!

Hey! No f***in' smoking

in the house!

F***in' relax, man!

Sh*t!

The door's locked.

- There's a doorbell...

- Don't touch anything!

Hey.

The door was locked.

Hey! You made it!

No thanks to you, cock sucker.

Where'd you get the beer?

They ran out of cups,

I stole two

from the beer pong table.

Dude!

What the hell is in this?

Wipe it with your shirt!

There's a keg over there.

Alright...

How do I use it?

You just pump it a bunch,

and you pull the trigger thing.

Yo, what up G?

Woah, camp fire!

Shut up, Dave.

Oh, sh*t!

Sorry.

It's okay.

Hey, you're friends with

that movie kid, right?

Yeah! What's going on?

You hang out

with that kid a lot?

Yeah, all the time.

Foam...

Hey you don't have a

cigarette, do you?

Yeah, actually.

Follow me!

Yo Felix.

What's going on, dude?

Felix, dude.

Felix!

Hey man, what's going on?

Where's the keg?

Over there.

They ran out of cups, though.

Check the cabinets.

Yeah... thanks.

How old are you?

Sixteen, baby.

Those are my

little brother's friends.

Oh my god, I'm so drunk.

Oh, yeah. Me too.

So how old are you?

Uh, 16...

I just look young for my age.

- You drive?

- Mmhmm.

What kind of car?

...motorcycle.

Awesome.

So your movie-star friend...

Is he going to be in anymore

movies?

Yeah, probably.

My uncle was in a TV show,

you know.

Oh yeah?

Yeah he was really good,

he said I might be

in his next one.

Awesome.

Just take the f***ing beer!

Don't you have to be 18

to drive a motorcycle?

Probably.

I'm fourteen.

Are you really fourteen?

Yeah I'm f***ing fourteen,

how old do I look?!

I don't know,

you're a little...

Yeah, yeah, I have a baby face.

How old are you?

- Sixteen.

- Oh yeah?

Yep.

I skipped second grade.

Yo, what's up?

Everybody here

is older than us.

She wants to be a model.

It's not going to happen.

Why not?

She's not pretty enough.

Uh, she's pretty good looking.

Prettier than me?

You want some?

What is it?

I don't know.

Something the guys

mixed for us.

Uh...

Alright.

You going to Richardson's

party next week?

Where is it?

His beach house.

He throws one every year.

Yeah, sounds pretty cool.

Ready?

Yeah.

Alright, so like

I'll walk over there

introduce myself,

say a couple jokes...

and then you'll walk over

and be like,

"Yo dude, those chicks over

there were asking for you."

And I'll just brush it off

like I don't even need it.

Wait, what do I say?

Just say something that's

going to make me look cool,

and don't f*** it up!

Where have you been?

I've just been hanging out,

with Lindsey Prescott!

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