Funny People Page #13

Really?

This is... So, what are

you... So, did the...

The doctor said I'm

good. I'm better for now.

I don't know what the

hell's gonna happen,

but for now the guy said I'm good.

(SlGHS)

I'm so happy.

You are happy?

Mmm-hmm. God, thank you. Thank you.

All right. Yeah.

(SlGHS)

You okay, man?

Yeah, yeah, I'm good.

(EXHALES)

I hope they got some food.

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

Hey, hey.

Hi! Hi.

I'm so glad you guys came. Hello. Hi.

Good to see you. Wow.

Hi. How's it going?

Hello, lra.

Oh! Thank you.

Jeez. Beautiful house!

Thank you.

How long have you guys been here?

We've been here about five years now.

(SNARLS)

What's up?

This is my friend,

George. And this is lra.

This is lngrid.

Wow! George didn't

mention you had a daughter.

GEORGE:
Have you seen any of my movies?

I saw the movie where

you had a baby body.

So, you saw Re-Do. Can you do the face?

(BOTH BABBLlNG)

GEORGE:
Hey, that's a good impression.

Don't leave me in the playroom!

This is my daughter,

Mable. She just got braces.

Oh, yeah? Let me see them.

You mind if I eat a little bit

of that sandwich right there?

Ira? I'm... I'm full.

Do you guys want to play

the peanut-butter game?

It's fun. You want to play?

Let's do it! Ira?

Yeah, I like peanut butter, yeah.

Let's do the peanut-butter game!

All right! Hooray!

Peanut-butter game!

Peanut-butter game!

Okay, just put a little bit.

MABLE:
Okay. GEORGE: What's she doing?

A little bit.

(LAUGHlNG)

Okay, okay. I think that's good.

This is what you guys do

in your free time? Okay.

MABLE:
There he is! GEORGE: Oh, boy.

LAURA:
Come on.

(LAUGHlNG)

GEORGE:
He got her. He got her.

(EXCLAlMlNG)

Oh, so, you're supposed

to do it on the ears.

LAURA:
George's turn!

Yeah! George's turn!

No. I don't want to do that.

LAURA:
Yeah, George's turn!

No, lra will go. Let lra go.

No, no, George.

Come on. Okay, all right!

I just washed my hair this morning.

BOTH:
George! George! George! George!

(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)

Oh, God!

No!

Just not the...

Look at this.

GEORGE:
That's not the game!

(ALL CHEERlNG)

And we have a pond with a Buddha and...

Wow!

(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)

Does that hurt?

So, what... Who is a good...

You're a good guy, you're a bad guy?

(EXCLAlMlNG)

Now I go.

And now I go.

You can't move. You're stuck.

Ira. IRA:
Hey.

Hey, Laura asked if we want

to eat dinner here tonight.

Oh. Thank you. What... We...

It's like an eight-hour drive back.

We won't get home till like

GEORGE:
We'll figure something out.

So, we're gonna go to the grocery

store and get some food so I can cook.

Home-cooked meal. Perfect.

Okay. So, you're okay

to watch the girls?

Yeah, definitely. I'm good with kids.

I was a... I was a Jewish summer

camp counselor for five years.

(SPEAKlNG HEBREW)

But I'm good with non-Jewish kids, too.

Okay, so we'll be right

back. It's around the corner.

GEORGE:
Very good.

Should I have worn my jogging

shoes? Where are we going?

You sure? You sure you want to do this?

Mmm-hmm.

Wherever my husband is, he's

probably doing the same thing.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

Jesus.

(SlGHS)

Echo, echo, echo.

(LAUGHlNG)

You know, when I broke up with you,

I tried to find somebody who

was the exact opposite of you.

But Clarke is exactly like you.

It's like I'm programmed

to find the same person,

Iike there's some lesson I'm

supposed to learn from it all.

How many times did you cheat on me?

I don't want to paint a picture.

I was young and stupid, but

I changed, I swear to God.

How exactly have you changed?

I got a peek at something most

people only get to see once.

You know, I went to a

psychic who told me that...

That you and I would get

back together when we were 70.

And she also said not

to eat any chicken.

Well, we couldn't wait.

Mmm-hmm.

You loved me before anybody loved me.

I know.

This is the only place

that I ever wanted to be.

When is George gonna die?

George is gonna die?

No. Why would you guys say that?

I heard my mom talking to her friend

on the phone, and she was crying.

I don't want George to die.

Why do you care? You just met him.

Shut up.

You shut up! Okay,

okay, guys, guys, guys.

George is not gonna die.

George, he was sick,

but he went to the doctor

and they gave him

different types of medicine

until they found one that worked.

And now he's gonna be just fine.

He's gonna live a

really, really long time.

I think my mommy loves him.

Well, you know, we all love him.

He's made a lot of great movies.

I think she loves him, like, loves him.

INGRlD:
Love. Love, love, love.

(SlNGlNG) Love, love, love

They're gonna have a baby

They're gonna have a

baby Baby, marriage, love

They're gonna have a little MerMan baby.

You saved my acting reel? I

was wondering where this was.

Why didn't you give this to me?

'Cause I was watching it.

You know, I always get the feeling

that you think I'm stupid or something.

LAURA:
Look at my hair!

I look like a leprechaun.

No.

LAURA ON TV:
I am stupid.

Ooh! Is my voice still that high?

No! No, no, no, no. No, but they

need you back in Munchkinville.

(LAUGHS) They miss the mayor.

LAURA:
Shut up!

That was the best time in my life.

I got something else for

you. You might remember these.

(GASPS) Please tell me you do!

Are these my favorite butt jeans?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Really?

Yeah, you can have them back.

I'm so excited! Yeah.

Do you think they still fit me?

I guarantee it.

I'm so happy!

I guarantee it. Get in those.

These used to kill me. Oh,

my God, they're so faded.

Oh, sh*t!

They fit!

They look good! Really?

Yeah, that's the same ass!

F***ing ass is perfect. Minus

that camel coming out the back.

(SlNGlNG) Bump and groove it

To the left now To the right, y'all

Slap that sh*t!

(BEATBOXlNG)

Look at that! They're like Mom jeans.

Oh, yes. If Mom needed

to get banged again.

Thank you.

Yeah, get over here.

Don't leave me. Don't leave me.

Oh! Hey, guys, what took you so long?

We were checking out

the town, man. Beautiful!

Where are the groceries?

We decided that eating

in might be more fun.

(SOFTLY) Oh, no, you didn't.

How could you do that, man? No.

I didn't do anything, lra.

No, I know you did it. I know you did.

All that's missing is

your Popsicle. Come on.

Ira, are you cranky right now?

Do you need food in your belly?

No.

Come on, we're gonna order in a pizza.

Come on, we're gonna order in a pizza.

(CARTOONISHLY) Of course, Mr. Peters.

I'll be at the...

(COUGHS)

Lunch meeting.

You're serving seafood?

(WHIMPERING)

I love seafood!

Okay, see you there!

Pizza's here! Yeah.

I'll be right back. Yes.

I'm the pizza monster!

(EXCLAlMlNG)

Hi, honey!

Clarke. Hi, sweetie.

Hi. What are you doing here?

Decided to surprise you.

The guy I was meant to have the

meeting with had a heart attack

while I was waiting

in reception for him.

It was unbelievable. Wow.

Next minute, this

Chinese George Clooney guy

comes running past with, like, the...

What's it called? A defibrillator?

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