Fury of the Fist and the Golden Fleece Page #3

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The one what? The Golden fleece?

The one.

He said the one.

[grunts]

Watch where you're going.

-What's your name, kid?

-I'm not a kid! Chewbaca!

[yells]

Yeah, get this!

Europeans lying in

the Baltic

Freedom be done

Yeah, you trot this

Dumb down the culture...

[oriental flute]

Whoo. Whoo.

[grunting]

But Master Duck Suck Song,

I've been studying here

for 10 years

and I still don't even know

how to defend myself.

Like two mirrors

facing each other,

great truths are secret

even unto themselves.

And to you.

But Sifu,

I thought I was learning

the secret art of Mu Shu.

On the good foot! Come on.

Padawan, there is

no Mu Shu style.

[gasps] Sifu.

This may look like

a traditional

Panther Fu dojo,

but I am running a political

intelligence operation

against the United States

government.

We're starting a rebellion

against the evil aliens

that run this world.

-[gasps]

-But for that,

I need martial artists

who can think.

Sun Tzu says,

thinking is

a revolutionary act.

If you have an idea, kill it.

If it comes back,

aim for the head.

If it does not die,

deploy it

against your enemies.

Oh, Master.

Is that the secret

of all martial arts?

Hear me now,

understand me later.

Hey, Jackson, welcome to

the Duck Suck Song dojo.

You know,

you can sign up with my wife

and then come back

with your black

leather gloves.

Solid! OJ's gonna

go get that look.

Just you wait and see, suckas.

[Okinawa screams]

[shouting]

Thunderfoot!

Lighting Leg!

[shouting]

-Offense.

-Defense.

Special Teams.

[both] Oh!

[Thunderfoot] It's good.

Ugh. You're in

some big trouble, boys.

We like big trouble

here in Chinatown.

Yeah? Well, you put away

our tax collector.

What ju talking about

taxes, man?

We don't pay

no stinking taxes.

What do we look like,

baggage handlers?

You torched Superfly's ass.

You wiped away

his street cred.

You tied up our income

for a day.

Thunderfoot is gonna

kick your thunder ass

back to that candy-land

you came from.

And Lighting Leg is gonna

wipe your ass back

to the past, McFly.

Ju know what a hassa is,

Frank?

It's a pig

that don't fly straight.

You already said that line.

These suckers

are intense, man.

More like past tense.

[growls]

[grunting]

[serene music playing]

You'll be paying my taxes

by the end of the year,

Mr. Duck Sucks!

Oh, you'll take it

out of your ass.

-Thunderstruck!

-Whooping Crane!

Super Mario Brothers!

[laughing]

[groaning in slow motion]

Leprechaun style wins.

[birds chirping]

[both groan]

Who sent you?

[out of breath]

You're making a mistake.

[panting] Big mistake.

Mistake's the first word

my mama said to me.

Now who sent you!

[hip hop playing]

[Paco] Hey, Willy. You don't

got a TV at home?

Even my family in Mexico

got a TV.

And I bet it took

all 15 of your brothers

and sisters

to pay for it, too, Nacho.

You see this?

They might as well

call it toilet paper.

It ain't money.

It's a Fed note.

And it says, "I owe you"!

So you stick it! Garbage!

[screaming and laughing]

This is my living room here!

I'm living here, people!

[hip hop playing]

Oh, yeah. [laughs]

-Yeah.

-Whoo.

[Johnny Fang]

Here we go, baby.

Looks like a dead end, baby.

We got you dead to rights.

The only way

you're walking out of here

is with the walking dead.

Yeah.

Aw, you must be tired.

Let me guess,

I've been running

through your head all day.

How'd you know that?

So where's Superfly

to save your skinny ass?

I don't need no Superfly

to save my ass from you,

Ponyboy.

[all] Ohh!

Okay, whoa! Here's the deal!

You can join our gang,

and serve me

-on both knees.

-[all laughing]

Oh, on your broken knees?

Whoa. Whoo. What?

What did she say?

You look like

the Boys of Summer.

Too bad summer's over.

Keep walking...

if you want to

keep that look,

pretty boy.

You know something funny?

I used to f***

guys like you in prison.

[laughs]

What were you

in the slammer for?

Playing my guitar too loud!

[grunting]

[grunts]

Better call the dentist.

[whimpering]

[The Fist] Drop 'em.

[groans]

Where you going, runaway?

Looks like you're cruisin'

for a bruisin'.

I'm looking for a She-Ra

to my He-Man.

I'm pretty sure

She-Ra was his sister

and He-Man is gay.

Don't talk about He-Man

like that.

Listen, you,

I'm a witch from hell,

and you better not

forget it, creep.

I come from hell.

So when you go back,

tell Nicky, como estas?

[El Guapo] Hey, Fist,

come on, man,

what you doing? Let's go.

He's trying to bang something.

Watch it,

don't step on his teeth.

[narrator] When the

wanna-be gangster

Superfly got wasted,

his two crazy-ass

white boy

bosses disrespected

the Duck Suck Song dojo

looking to collect.

After handing them

back their asses,

Fist and friends

are on a retaliation train

headed for

the next boss in line.

'Cause you know what,

we all got one.

Someone's gotta pay.

Someone always pays.

[Willy] Service in this place

is terrible.

Who picked this joint?

So what's your name, kid?

Ana.

Ana Conda.

I always wanted

to hunt an anaconda.

See what it feels like

to get swallowed.

I'd rather kill myself.

Where you from?

Wrong side of the tracks.

That why you got

caught up with Superfly,

trying to get even

with the game?

He promised me a record deal.

You sing the blues?

No, I'm always happy!

[laughs]

What's the 411?

Aren't you, like, some sort

of has-been porn star?

Why do you even

work at a bagel shop?

I don't work

at a bagel shop.

I'm waiting

for the night train.

Night train to what?

[The Fist]

To get my groove back.

I think you might need

some silverware or something.

[Willy] A fork, I need a fork.

[Willy's date] That's it.

Waiter, bring me a fork.

Chica, why you

dating this monkey?

Monkey? [laughs] Oh, I always

wanted a monkey as a pet.

-[Willy's date laughs]

-What?

Did you know

that I'm Willy's date?

Listen to me,

ju can pet my monkey anytime.

-Oh, I can pet it?

-Anytime.

Wow. [giggles]

Are you really El Guapo?

And is he really The Fist?

[laughs]

Do you wanna know why

they call him The Fist?

I've always wondered.

Because he puts it

all the way in.

Wow. That's crazy.

[giggles]

I think Thunderfoot was right.

Chinese Boss is here.

It smells like acrylic

and gold nail polish.

[Willy] You know why gold

is so expensive?

'Cause a dollar in gold

is always worth

a dollar in gold!

[high-pitch voice] Sir.

You make too much noise.

It's no good for business.

Well, excuse me,

Ching-chong-chung.

Last I heard

this is a free country.

All except for

the Federal Reserve

which has enslaved the people

since like 1917

when Paul Warburg

pulled this bullshit

out on Jekyll Island

and enslaved

the United States citizenry.

All the people in America

are slaves.

And now we don't even know

what a dollar is,

it's just a worthless

piece of paper

with sh*t ink on it,

and you can't even

buy a chopstick

which, which will

poke your eye out

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