G.B.F. Page #10

And, uh, everything in between.

This is it, babes.

This is our moment.

T-Fawce is gonna dominate.

This is it, our moment.

T-Fawce is gonna eat it.

We make a good team, "b."

It is my pleasure to

announce this year's,

Uh, prom king and queen

of north gateway's first

"L-G-B-T-Q-A

And every other letter you can

think of"- Inclusive prom.

So, without further ado...

our trailblazing couple is...

T-Fawce!

Tanner and Fawcett!

Wow.

Congratulations.

Well deserved.

Let me know when you think

they're in position.

Congratulations.

We love you, Tanner.

Thank you.

Oh, my goodness.

This is such a surprise.

Fawcett, I want to say something.

Okay.

You're fierce!

This is for you.

Wait. Give him a second.

We love you, T-Fawce!

Look, uh, thanks, everyone,

For making me king

of this gay prom.

Oh, my god, he's doing it.

He's going full Lohan.

I don't want to be

king of the gay prom

Or be a gay best friend

or get gay-married.

I just want to go to prom,

Be a friend, and get

married, maybe.

You all see me more as

an object or a symbol.

I guess I've been

guilty of that myself.

I used my friends as

shields to hide behind.

I had friends who cared about me,

Whether I was gay or whatever.

And I had a best friend who

I shared everything with.

And all I want is...

I mean, I'd give anything

To just be his loyal

sidekick again.

Thank you very much.

Well, that's just sweeter

than a pug in a sundress.

Oh, no!

Oh, my god.

Mnh.

Brent! Jesus.

Are you okay?

Thought you could upstage me

With a classic

"what I learned" speech?

Amateur.

So, Brent burst out of the closet

In an explosion of glitter,

just like he always wanted,

And I got my best friend back.

Caprice, mission accomplished?

Uh, not yet.

Okay, y'all made your point.

I made mine.

Now we all have a choice.

You can stay out here,

bored out of your minds

And freezing your asses off

with this crazy b*tch.

Or you can come inside

and dance your asses off

With this crazy b*tch.

I mean, do you really

want to go heaven

If it's filled with nothing

but psychos like her?

That's what I thought.

Let's go.

Suit yourselves!

Run toward damnation!

I'll see you all in hell!

I mean, I won't see you

'cause I won't be there,

But there's probably, like,

a window or something

Where people in heaven can

look down to people in hell!

And I'll see you through

that hell window... thing!

That sucks, man.

It's not just all physical

How about an H.J.?

Drop that beat, b*tch

It's hook, man, hey, hey, hey

My name is Heven

My gay best friend,

my gay best friend

He's on the go, he's on the go

We hit the club,

we hit the club

We drop it low, we drop it low

He always gets, he always gets

So, I went down in history

As the first kid in our

school to come out,

But I definitely wasn't the last

because, as it turns out,

The closet and high school

are kind of the same thing.

They're both something

you can't wait to escape

But are scared to death

of what lies beyond.

They both make you kind of insane,

Cause you to take on

a secret identity,

Or make you confused...

or mean...

or crazy horny, even.

Sweet Joseph smith, you are sexy.

You too.

You're out, right?

For a face like yours,

I'll out myself

To the entire Mormon

tabernacle choi...

When you're in, every little thing

Just seems like the hugest deal,

But once you're out, well,

You wonder why you

ever made such a fuss.

And while things still suck

every once in a while,

When you finally leave both

the closet and high school,

Everything just kind of...

sucks less.

So, now that you're out...

I am?

What about us?

Us?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I just...

I was... Huh?

What? No, you go first.

I was thinking...

mm-hmm.

You know, if we ended

up together...

Which we totally would

If this were a classic

high-school movie.

Right, and, you know,

But we don't get to kiss

as the credits roll.

Well, we got to,

you know, keep going.

Maybe we'd last a few months...

Right.

...A year.

And then what?

Then we go to college

And then I cheat on

you and it's awkward

And I lose you forever.

So, what you're saying is,

Instead of satisfying our

teenage horniness...

instead of risking

having you as my B.F.,

I'd rather keep you

forever as my B.F.F.

Go "f" yourself.

But now I've come back again

So, after Brent had made

his gayness official,

'Shley and Glenn won cutest couple

When he came out as

irrefutably straight

And she came out as

a total rice queen.

But it took us a bit longer to

convince Fawcett to come out

As a chemistry nerd with

a secret nice streak.

Oh, my god!

Sophie won a scholarship

to Sarah Lawrence

After she published a

well-regarded analysis

Of the adolescent propensity

For self-perpetuated

objectification.

And Brent and Caprice

were voted most dramatic,

Which... Let's face it...

Is basically short-hand

For "gayest"and "bitchiest."

As for me, I didn't win

any senior superlatives.

With all the new outings going on,

My sex life...

Or lack thereof...

Was once again the least

interesting thing about me.

I wasn't an accessory

or a sidekick.

I was just me.

And I couldn't have

been gayer about it.

And I mean that in the

old-timey, happy way,

Not the gay way, but...

Yeah, that, too.

I will be waiting for you

Pop dance crap!

Oh, shut up.

You know you love that crap.

Ooh!

You have a ladybug in your hair.

Ahh!

Uh-oh. Looks like

they're waking back up.

You want to hang out?

Yeah.

Should I just...?

Yeah, just have a seat.

Mm. Sits well.

She di... You... You... Ah!

Okay, do it again.

You're not wearing

underwear, are you?

I think they do care about

each other, though.

I mean, that's the nice thing.

Oh!

Yeah!

You could be like my sister wife.

I like just "gay."

He's gay.

Yo, bro.

Oh.

Necessity is the mother

of invention, right?

Little...

spitting.

He's a guy, but he

only likes boys

Now give me booty bump, booty bump.

Oh. Oh, boy, that's firm.

Not surprised.

I can't wait to go home.

I miss you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Drama.

You checking out my bal...

I like the colors.

I really think hipster

Goth is coming back.

No, it's not.

Let's go.

I just bought these!

What flavors did you make?

Cherry, of course.

Mmm.

Black or bing?

You know I like the black ones.

He could be bi.

Lingual.

Yeah, but then we'd have

a Spanish-speaking son.

Who the hell wants that?

Bi is confusing.

I don't get it.

I'm glad he's gay.

Yo no comprendo bi.

Yeah.

How about a pop-tart?

Do you want a pop-tart?

Yes, I would like a pop-tart.

I'm gonna get you a pop-tart.

Thank you, love.

Traditional prom

It's always my day.

Wait! Whoa! I wouldn't

lift up that high. Okay.

Oh, my Britney.

Is that what they

call it these days?

My sunglasses are

supposed to be on.

Tweets! People are

tweet... Tweeting.

Or how about an arch "J"?

Not "arch."

An arch "J"?

I don't know...

What's an arch "J"?

"...Can think of"-inclusive

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