Galaxy Quest Page #11

MATHESAR:

A thousand apologies. We have failed you.

JASON:

You what?.. What are you talking about?

MATHESAR:

(wracked with sadness)

We have seen you victorious in many more desperate situations.

The fault must lie with us, with the ship...

Gwen shoots Jason a glance... TELL THEM.

JASON:

No... Listen, Mathesar. it's not your fault. We're... We're...

.....

He can't bring himself to finish.

GWEN:

We're not the people you think we are.

MATHESAR:

I don't understand.

ALEXANDER:

Mathesar, don't you have television on your planet? Theater?

Films?

MATHESAR:

The historical documents of your culture... Yes, in fact we have

begun to

(MORE)

4/28/99(YELLOW)

MATHESAR (cont'd)

document our own history, from your example...

GWEN:

No not historical documents... They're not all historical

documents... I mean... surely you don't think Gilligan's Island

is a...

Mathesar and the others exchange sad glances...

MATHESAR:

Those poor people...

TOMMY:

Hoo boy...

Mathesar and the others exchange quizzical looks.

GWEN:

Does no one on your planet behave in a way that is contrary to

reality?

MATHESAR:

Ah. You speak of...

Unable to bring the words to mind, he confers with his fellows.

MATHESAR:

"Deception..." "Lies."

JASON:

Well... Sort of...

MATHESAR:

We have become aware of these concepts only recently. In our

dealings with Sarris. Often Sarris will say one thing, and do

another. Promise us mercy and deliver destruction... It is a

concept we are beginning to learn at some great cost.

(a worried beat)

But if you are saying that any of you could have traits in common

with Sarris.

5/4/99(GOLDENROD)

He starts to laugh, and the other aliens join in.

MATHESAR:

You are our protectors... Our heroes. You will save us.

Suddenly a VIEWSCREEN lights and we see Fred on the monitor from

down in the generator room.

FRED (ON SCREEN)

Hey Commander. Listen, we found some Beryllium on a nearby

planet. We might be able to get there if we re-configure the

solar matrix in parallel for endothermic propulsion. What do you

think?

JASON:

I...Well, uh... Yes, absolutely.

Fred turns to two young TECHS next to him, then licks and sticks

two sticky GOLD STARS onto their wrists. They beam.

FRED:

Correct! Gold star for you and a gold star for you...

57EXT. SHIP

The ship lumbers slowly forward. In the distance we see the

swirling globe of a colorful and mysterious PLANET.

58INT. SURFACE POD BAY - LATER

Jason, Gwen, Tommy, Fred and Guy enter the small surface pod.

Quellek, Alexander's protege, steps forward, hands Alex a device.

QUELLEK:

Dr. Lazarus, here is your surface mapper. I have programed it to

the coordinates of a Beryllium Sphere of sufficient density.

ALEXANDER:

Thanks.

QUELLEK:

(emotional)

Good luck on your mission, Sir. By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns

of Warvan I wish you-

ALEXANDER:

(holds up a warning finger)

Uh uh! What did we talk about?

QUELLEK:

Right... Sorry, sir.

59INT. SURFACE POD

Tommy pilots the craft as the pod approaches the beautiful and

mysterious planet. Guy looks out the window nervously.

GUY:

I changed my mind. I want to go back.

ALEXANDER:

After the big fuss you made about not getting left behind on the

ship?

GUY:

Yeah, but that's when I thought maybe was the crewman that stays

on the shin and something is up there and it kills me, but now

I'm thinking I'm the guy who gets killed by some monster five

minutes after we land on the planet...

JASON:

Guy, you're not going to get killed on the planet, okay?

GUY:

Oh, I'm not? I'm not? Then what's my last name?

JASON:

Your last name.

5/4/99(GOLDENROD

GUY:

Yeah, what is it?

JASON:

It's... I don't know.

GUY:

No. Nobody does. Do you know WHY? Because my character Isn't

IMPORTANT enough for a last name. Because I'm going to DIE five

minutes in, why bother to come up with a last name for me?

GWEN:

Guy, you HAVE a last name. We just don't KNOW it.

GUY:

Do I? DO I? For all you know I'm just "CREWMAN #6"!

(hysterical) Okay, it's FLEEGMAN! Guy FLEEGMAN! There! Now I'm a

whole person! I can't die! FLEEGMAN! THEY CAN'T KILL ME NOW, CAN

THEY? CAN THEY?

Jason slaps him.

GUY:

See? I'm the hysterical guy who needs to be slapped, and then I

die!

ALEXANDER:

(sighs)

Are we there yet?

60EXT. SURFACE POD

The pod makes its way toward the surface.

61INT. POD

The ship shakes as it lands. Everyone exchanges anxious glances.

As they set down everyone applauds, complimenting Tommy on the

landing. Tommy looks away, shamed.

TOMMY:

Autopilot.

Everyone looks away, disappointed. Suddenly the HATCH opens with

a loud PHHHHT of air decompression. Fred has opened it.

GUY:

What are you doing! You don't just open the door! It's an alien

planet! Is there air!? You don't know, do you!

3/4/99(GOLDENROD)

Fred sniffs the air.

FRED:

Seems okay.

Guy sighs.

62EXT. PLANET SURFACE - DAY

The six exit the craft tentatively. Guy looks around,

apprehensive.

JASON:

Which way, Alex?

Alexander looks down at his mapper.

ALEXANDER:

This way... Wait, no, that way...

They turn in the opposite direction.

TOMMY:

You were holding it upside down weren't you?

ALEXANDER:

Shut up.

TOMMY:

You know, with the makeup and everything1 I actually thought he

was smart for a second.

ALEXANDER:

You think you could do better "Laredo?"

TOMMY:

Hey, watch that "Laredo" sh*t.

GUY:

We're screwed... We're so screwed...

JASON:

All right, let's all settle down. If we're going to get through

this we're going to have to exercise self control.

GWEN:

Self control? That's funny coming from the guy that slept with

every Moon Princess and Terrakian slave girl on the show!...

5/4/99(GOLDENROD)

JASON:

Did it ever occur to you that if you had been a little more

supportive you could have held on to me?

GWEN:

I could have held on to YOU! ...

ALEXANDER:

We re really going to do this HERE?

63OMIT

64ROCKY INCLINE - "SPOOKYVILLE"

It's darker here, more menacing. Jagged cliff overhangs form

spooky shapes. Guy looks around nervously.

JASON:

How much further?

Alexander measures the distance on the device between his fingers

and holds them up.

ALEXANDER:

About this much.

JASON:

What's the scale? Is that ten miles? A hundred miles?

ALEXANDER:

THIS much.

Guy glances back to see the rocky trench they just passed

through. The ROCK SHAPES jutting from the walls look vaguely like

arms and hands...

Suddenly Guy YELLS as he drops out of frame. The others turn to

see him on the ground, struggling, his foot lodged in a crevice

in the landscape.

GUY:

It's got me it's got me! See? FIVE MINUTES! I told you!

Jason runs back and starts to help extricate Guy. He pulls his

foot free and looks around.

GUY:

Something grabbed me! IT DID.

5/4/99(GOLDENROD)

The others shake their heads and continue forward. Guy rises,

trying to put his shoe back on as he runs to catch up.

JASON:

Easy son. It's just your imagination. Hang tough.

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