Galaxy Quest Page #2

TOMMY:

You said we do appearances together, or not at all.'

JASON:

I didn't say that. I said "wouldn't it be great if we could

always, work together." That's what I said.

GWEN:

Unbelievable.

TOMMY:

You are so full of sh*t

JASON:

A few fans built a little set in their garage. . I come in for

an hour at most. It's a nothing.

5/4/99(GOLDENROD)

GWEN:

How much of a nothing? Not enough to split five ways kind of a

nothing?

JASON:

What do you want me to say, Gwen?... They wanted the Commander.

Suddenly bright light streams in. They all turn to see ALEXANDER

skulking out the exit. A beat, then they all run to catch

Alexander, TACKLING HIM.

7ONSTAGE -

Guy gets a thumbs up cue from a stagehand and begins to introduce

the cast, to the delight of the applauding FANS.

GUY:

Okay, here we go... Let's hear a warm welcome for crack

gunner/navigator. Laredo, Tommy Webber!

Tommy comes bounding out with a big smile, his hair mussed.

Behind him is a film clip of young LAREDO in action.

TOMMY (FILM CLIP) AS LAREDO

"If it's got quantum rockets, I can fly

it."

GUY:

Ship's Tech Sergeant Chen... Fred Kwan!

Fred strolls out with a casual wave.

FRED AS CHEN:

"Give me a stick of gum and a hairpin and we re on our way!"

8BACKSTAGE -

Gwen and Jason are wrestling on the ground with Alexander.

GWEN:

Alex you can't -just leave.

ALEXANDER:

Oh can't I? Watch me!

JASON:

Come on, old friend...

ALEXANDER:

Friend. You stole all my best lines. You cut me out of episode

two entirely!..

GUY (O.S. FROM THE STAGE)

The beautiful shipmate Tawny Madison... GWEN DEMARCO!

9ONSTAGE -

Gwen takes the stage noticeably ruffled. In the film clip, Tawny

Madison looks around the cabin fearfully.

COMPUTER:

One hundred degrees and rising...

GWEN AS TAWNY ~~~ISON

"It's... It's getting hotter, Commander.'"

Many "appreciative" WHISTLES. Gwen forces a smile.

GUY:

And now... The Commander's advisor and closest friend. His

peaceful nature ever at odds with the savage warrior inside him,

after witnessing the massacre of his entire species as a boy...

We see a splitscreen shot of Alexander, one mild mannered, the

other a savage beast of vengeance, tearing into a foe.

10BACKSTAGE - Jason still in a wrestling match with

Alexander.

JASON:

You WILL go out there.

ALEXANDER:

I won't and nothing you say-

JASON:

"The show must go on."

ALEXANDER:

...Damn you! Damn you!

GUY (cont'd) (O.S.)

"Dr. Lazarus of Tev'meck"... Alexander Dane

11ON STAGE -

Alex bounds up on stage, bowing deep with grace and humility.

The stage trained British actor.

ALEX AS LAZARUS ONSCREEN

"By Grabthar's hammer, you shall be avenged.'"

Alex cringes, desperately unhappy

GUY:

And finally, my fellow Questarians, the brave Commander of the

NSEA PROTECTOR... Peter Quincy Taggart ... JASON NESMITH.

Jason appears and a SPOTLIGHT follows him.

TOMMY:

Unbelievable. He rented a SPOT?

Jason raises his fist encouraging the FANS to cry out...

JASON/JASON ON SCREEN/EVERYONE

"NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER... DAMN THE RESONANCE CANNONS,

FULL SPEED AHEAD.'"

The fans go crazy. The actors exchange glances.

GUY:

The Commander and his crew will be signing autographs on imperial

decks "b" and "c" near the coke machines.

12CONVENTION HALLWAY

It's quiet. We're on FOUR PAIRS OF BOOTS walking down the

hallway. We PAN UP to reveal FIVE SERIOUS LOOKING YOUNG PEOPLE,

4 men and a woman, clean cut as Disneyland employees and

impeccably outfitted in GALAXY QUEST style uniforms. Something

odd about them you can't quite put your finger on.. For now we'll

refer to them as THE PECULIAR FANS.

13CONVENTION HALL

We move with the PECULIAR FANS as they enter the bustling

convention floor, making their way past the numerous FANS dressed

as their favorite GALAXY QUEST characters... through the various

booths selling GALAXY QUEST and other Si-fi memorabilia, catching

snippets of conversation along the way: They pass two

ELABORATELY COSTUMED ALIEN FANS talking.

ALIEN:

...Yeah, I used to De Gark'nor of Ang but I got a rash from the

chest pads so now I'm Sacnod from episode 5, which is fine except

the transducer pinches when I sit down...

... They pass a group of particularly EARNEST FANS at a vendor's

booth, also costumed as the five GALAXY QUEST leads. Their

leader, BRANDON WHEEGER, inspects a seller's model of the

DEFENDER, contemptuously.

BRANDON:

The tail fin is concave, not convex. The proton reactor is where

the influx thermistors should be and.. my god... is this Testor's

blue green number six on the hull?

(drops the model roughly)

I... I... This is a complete abortion.

With curious glances to this similarly uniformed group, the

PECULIAR FANS move past, then come to a halt as they spot JASON,

up on a raised platform at the front of the hall signing

autographs for a long line of fans. The peculiar fans stare at

Jason as to they were in the presence of God. They exchange

astonished smiles, then start toward him...

THE CAST TABLE:

Tommy, Alexander and Fred sign autographs at a row of tables near

Jason, but significantly lower than his perch.

TOMMY:

Is it me or does his table get higher every convention?

One of many fans dressed as "Dr. Lazarus" steps up to Alexander

and salutes him with crossed fists.

FAN:

"By Grabthar's hammer, by the suns of Warvan, I shall avenge

you!"

Alexander ignores this, grabs the photo from his hand, signs it,

thrusts it back. The next fan steps up.

FAN:

"By Grabthar's hammer, by the-"

He signs and thrusts it back before he can even finish.

ALEXANDER:

Next!

Guy (the MC) approaches the actors at their tables.

GUY:

Hi everybody.

TOMMY:

Hey. Thanks for one nice intro... uh.

GUY:

Guy... You probably don't remember me do you? (They stare

blankly) I was on the show in '82. Episode 31? Got killed by

the lava monster before the first commercial? "Crewman #6?"

The actors pretend that they remember him. "oh, right! Guy!"

GUY:

Listen, I was wondering, would you guys mind if I sit in today?

See if anybody's interested in an autograph? Never know.

GWEN:

Sure, Guy, If you can stand the excitement.

Two more FANS dressed as Alexander's character approach him,

proudly CHATTERING at him in the Mak'tar language.

ALEXANDER:

Don't make me get a restraining order.

ACROSS THE ROOM:

THE PECULIAR FANS are making their way through the crowd toward

Jason. We suddenly notice something very strange; THE LEFT HAND

of the tallest one is flickering between a normal hand and A HAND

WITH SEVEN LONG BLUE TENTACLES FOR FINGERS. The LEADER notices

and motions to the afflicted man who raps sharply against a metal

blinking box on his belt. The hand becomes normal again. He looks

up, nods at the leader. From now on we'll refer to these 5 as THE

ALIENS.

AT THE CAST TABLE - Guy now sits with the others, forlorn. No

fans are in line for his autograph. He watches as Fred fields

questions from the group or fans led by BRANDON.

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