Galaxy Quest Page #3

BRANDON:

Mr. Kwan? In episode nineteen, when the reactor fused, you used

an element from Leopold Six to fix the quantum rockets. What was

that called?

FRED:

Bivrakium.

BRANDON:

The blue sheath it was encased in-?

FRED:

A bi-thermal krevlite housing.

5/4/99(GOLDENROD)

Brandon makes a note, thanks him and exits with his group.

GUY:

How do you remember this stuff?

FRED:

Oh I make it up. Use lots of "k"s and "v"s.

A male FAN moves up to Gwen, hands her a picture to sign.

FAN:

I'm a big fan Ms. Demarco.

Gwen looks at the photo, nonplussed.

GWEN:

You really expect me to sign a naked picture of myself? This

isn't even my body!

FAN:

Yeah, normally with fakes it's like, recycle bin. But.. This

one's really good.

(Gwen sighs, starts to sign)

Could you not write over the... Thanks.

A fan finally approaches Guy who looks up eagerly. The fan looks

at him quizzically, trying to place him.

GUY:

Episode 12. (gets no reaction) Killed by the lava monster?..

FAN:

(turns to Tommy)

Laredo, could I get an autograph?

Guy shrugs, disappointed. Gwen gives him a comforting look, then

looks across at

JASON ON HIS PERCH

Talking dramatically to a group of fans. A YOUNG BOY watches WIDE

EYED.

JASON:

... on one hand, if I had moved an inch, the beast would have

killed me. On the other hand, my crew was in danger...

YOUNG BOY:

How did you know what to do?

5/4/99(GOLDENROD)

JASON:

Without a crew, I'm not a Commander.

He pulls down on the kid's cap.

JASON:

And we all know what happened to that beast on Enok 7...

The fans make happy nerdy "we sure do" noises.

CASTMEMBERS TABLE

Gwen shakes her head appreciatively.

GWEN:

You gotta admit, they do love him.

TOMMY:

Almost as much as he loves himself.

They watch as Jason fields another question from a fan.

JASON:

I'm glad you asked... To me the most important qualities of a

Galaxy Explorer are loyalty...

ALEXANDER:

... to camera center no matter whose shot you're blocking...

JASON:

Leadership....

TOMMY:

... to make sure craft service keeps those little butter cookies,

and plenty of them-

JASON:

And determination.

GWEN:

... to playing scenes shirtless because the ladies do love

Commander furry.

Gwen, Alex and the others try to contain their laughter.

CLOSER ANGLE - JASON'S TABLE

Bored with the constant queries of his fans, Jason glances over

to see Gwen smiling at him. She quickly looks away, self-

4/28/99(YELLOW)

conscious. Jason doesn't even take his eyes off Gwen as BRANDON

steps forward, his brow knit with serious matters.

BRANDON:

Commander, please settle a dispute that my crew and I are having.

In "The Quasar Dilemma", the Sentient had taken control of the

ship's guidance systems, however-

JASON:

Excuse me guys.

Jason exits. Brandon turns to his friends, frustrated.

BRANDON:

I hadn't even gotten to the relevant conundrum...

THE CAST TABLE - Gwen answers a question from a shy GIRL.

GIRL:

Miss Demarco?... In episode 15, "Mist of Delos 5?" I got the

feeling you and the Commander kind of had a thing in the swamp

when you were stranded together. Did you?

GWEN:

The Commander and I NEVER had a thing.

JASON (O.S.)

That's her story.

Gwen looks up to see Jason. The girl giggles and exits. Jason

smiles at Gwen.

GWEN:

What?

JASON:

You smiled at me.

Rolling her eves Gwen rises and walks off. Undaunted, Jason

follows, but runs into the five ALIENS. Their leader MATHESAR

bows respectfully, then follows along as Jason pursues Gwen.

MATHESAR:

Commander, I must speak to you. It is a matter of supreme

importance... We are Thermians from the Klatu Nebula, and we

require your help. I beseech you to come with us, back to our

ship. A great many lives hang in the balance...

4/26/99(PINK)

JASON:

Right, If this is about the thing tomorrow you can hammer out the

details with my agent, but make sure I have a limo from my house,

they jammed me into a Toyota the last time I did one of these

MATHESAR:

I... certainly, but-

JASON:

Catch me later, okay?

Jason catches up to Gwen. He spins her around dramatically.

JASON:

"Crewman Madison, I.. I'm sorry. Whatever I do next I have no

control over. It's the mist on this strange planet, It's filling

my head with such thoughts....

He leans in for a tortured kiss... Some fans gather, delighted by

the impromptu show. But Gwen steps aside.

GWEN:

It was cute when I didn't know you.

She exits. Jason tries to pretend that doesn't hurt.

CONVENTION FLOOR

Jason moves forward, introspective, amidst the enthusiastic fans.

They all shout out questions and comments to him... But Jason

pushes past without response and takes refuge in the-

14MEN'S ROOM

Jason enters to witness the incongruous sight of four MANK'NAR

beasts at the urinals taking a MANK'NAR piss. Jason enters a

stall and sits on the lid, trying to get a moment to think. But

two CYNICALIC 20-SOMETHINGS enter, laughing their assess off. He

can hear their voices echo from the other side.

CYNICAL GUY 1

You're right. What a FREAK SHOW. This is fricking HILARIOUS.

CYNICAL GUY 2

Yeah, what a bunch of losers. And those poor actors. They've

done, like, WHAT for twenty years? I think Fred Kwan did a dog

food commercial... Sad.

5/4/99 (GOLDENROD)

CYNICAL GUY 1

Did you hear Nesmith up there? That's the saddest. I think he

actually gets off on these nerds thinking he's space Commander.

It's pathetic. And his friends...

CYNICAL GUY 2

... they HATE him. I know, did you hear them ragging on him?!!

"Commander furry!..."

CYNICAL GUY 1

He has no idea that he's a laughingstock... Even to his buddies.

They exit, their laughter ringing in Jason's ears.

15CONVENTION FLOOR - JASON'S TABLE

Jason is back at his table signing autographs in a foul mood. He

scribbles his name irritably, avoiding contact with the fans as

BRANDON and his group of aficionados approach him.

BRANDON:

Commander, as I was saying... In "The Quasar Dilemma", you used

the auxiliary of deck b for Gamma override. But online blueprints

indicate deck b is independent of the guidance matrix, so we were

wondering where the error lies?

JASON:

It's a television show. Okay? That's all. It's just a bunch of

fake sets, and wooden props, do you understand?

BRANDON:

Yes but, we were wondering-

JASON:

There IS no quantum flux and there Is no auxiliary... There's no

goddamn ship Do you get it?

Jason notices that all eyes are turned on him. The hall has

become deathly quiet. Jason rises abruptly and exits through the

hall. Brandon and the fans do their best not to take this

personally.

5/4/99(GOLDENROD)

15AINT. GWEN'S HOUSE

Gwen is cooking something intricate and delicious as she talks to

Alex on the phone. Her house is tasteful and bright on a budget.

GWEN:

I don't know, Alex, he's never gone quite this far before...

15BINT. ALEXANDER'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Alexander sits at his kitchen table, applying spirit gum remover

to the edges of his alien head appliance.

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